'AITA for being upset with my sister after she asked me to be her wedding attendant?'
'AITA for being upset with my sister after she asked me to be her wedding attendant?'
So over the past weekend my two older sisters (26 and 24), my mom (50) and I (21) went out to eat at a restaurant before heading to a bridal expo for my sister who is getting married.
During our lunch at the restaurant my sister handed me a gift bag and asked me to be her personal attendant at her wedding. For those of you that don't know what a personal attendant is, they are someone who on the day of the wedding is supposed to errands the day of and basically be an unpaid day of coordinator.
My older sister is going to be her maid of honor and my two younger siblings (10 and 8) are going to be juniors in the wedding. When I read the card of her asking me I clarified what she meant and if I was or wasn't in the bridal party. She informed me that I would not be in the bridal party and I would be the only one of my four siblings not included that way.
She also informed me that she will be having a day of coordinator and that her DOC would be taking care of most, if not everything, and anything else her maid of honor (my other sister) would be doing it. On top of this, she knows I have issues being organized and that I cant even take care of myself somedays, so I would have issues having to take care of her and the things she needs the day of her wedding.
I excused myself from the table because I was upset and when I got back she kept trying to explain that while I wasn't a part of her bridal party she thought I would be better included in her wedding this way and that I would still be dressed up.
I feel like I would have been less hurt if she just didn't ask me to be a part of her wedding at all. I'm going to be taking a week or two to really think about this before I just flat out tell her no, I have also texted her and told her that I feel offended and hurt that she asked to do this. Do I have the right to be upset with her and feel offended that this is what she asked me to do? And would I be the ahole if I told her no?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
SoulSiren_22 said:
NTA. Don't delay for 2 weeks if you already know now you won't do it.
Low-Resort-1557 said:
NTA. I just think it’s flat out weird you can’t be a bridesmaid. It’s as simple as that. Why on earth would she single you out with an oddball job and separate you from the others. You wouldn’t walk up the aisle or be at the bridal table? Downright mean in my opinion…I’m angry for you.
Icy_Climate_5755 said:
NTA. And WTF is this tradition? I’ve never heard of it. I’m Australian and have been a bridesmaid 5 times and I’ve never heard of this. Am I just old? My sister had my youngest sister (who was like 12 at the time) be a “junior bridesmaid."
She got to wear the same dress and walk down the aisle but sat down at the front with my parents. I’d never ask someone to be my gofer on the day to include them, I’d just have uneven bridal party numbers. But each to their own I guess.
TravelDaze said:
NTA, return the gift bag with a note declining the work for free opportunity, and don’t let family guilt trip you. if they think it’s a reasonable ask, then they can let her know they have accepted the job.
I have married daughters, so old enough to have been to a LOT of weddings, and have never heard of a “personal assistant“ to the bride. Maybe remind her that the duties she mentioned are supposed to be what the MOH does.
Lisbei said:
NTA. Also, whenever I read these posts I get happier that I’m an only child. Anyway. Respectfully decline, and say that you want to be a guest at your sister’s wedding, not an unpaid servant ( I mean, wtf).
Old_Inevitable8553 said:
NTA. Including every sibling but you? I call BS. That's just her being vindictive and petty. Do yourself a favor and skip this one entirely. Because it's not worth going if she's going to exclude you like that.