'AITA for being upset that my husband’s stepmom hijacked our wedding?'

"AITA for feeling hurt that my husband’s stepmom hijacked our wedding and left us alone on the day?"

My husband and I got married abroad earlier this year in Australia. We chose the location partly so his dad wouldn’t have to travel twice in a short space of time. My husband’s brother is also getting married next year and two big UK trips would have been very expensive for his dad.

We were already planning to travel to Australia anyway and we both loved the idea of a warm beach wedding. It was also significantly more affordable than doing it in the UK. Plus, UK weather is horrible and it probably would have rained. We were even able to travel to Bali for a couple of days as our honeymoon.

It was actually my parents who suggested we get married in Australia, even though they couldn’t afford to attend. They supported the idea and were able to watch the ceremony live via video call, which meant a lot to me.

When planning the day, we expected it would just be his dad and stepmom attending, maybe with her daughter and son-in-law. But that they would leave early as they have children and we didn’t really want children there, but after everything was booked, including the photographer, we were asked if the grandkids could come.

We felt awkward saying no, so we agreed, even though it wasn’t what we had originally envisioned. His dad and stepmom kindly offered to pay for the celebrant and the license, while we paid for the venue. The issue started when his stepmom chose our wedding colors without asking me. I wanted a simple black and white theme. She decided it would be blue.

She bought her outfit and the girls’ dresses without me even seeing them first. She also ordered chairs and brought horrible fake lilac flowers without my input. We had previously asked them not to order anything until we had chosen the venue, as we had provisionally booked three different locations and planned to decide once we got to Australia a week before the wedding, but she did it anyway.

Fast forward to the day of the wedding. The ceremony was at 11am. We had our photos booked at 5pm on the beach. Since we had originally planned for only a few people to be there, our plan was to have a drink with everyone after the ceremony at a bar close to the wedding venue, where they could have had food, and then they would head off and we would go to the beach with just his dad and stepmom.

They would have been in some of the photos with us too, which would have been lovely and meaningful. That was how we pictured the day going. simple, relaxed and focused on the people closest to us.

I didn’t want a big meal in the afternoon in my wedding dress. I was worried about bloating, getting it dirty, and generally not feeling photo-ready. Stepmom was concerned that the children needed to eat, and that they couldn't wait until 7pm evening to have food, the bar they wanted to go to didn't serve food until 5pm (they had bar snacks, like fries etc but not actually food if you know what I mean)

This was too late for us as it was when we needed to be having the photos taken we had other resturants in mind but the distance seemed to be an issue. So we suggested we all go back to their house for drinks and the kids could have some food there and so could anyone else if they wanted to as there would only be a max of 9 people.

That way, I could take off my dress, i could have a small snack, we could cut the cake and then head to the beach for photos. Afterwards, we planned to go for a nice dinner with just his dad and stepmom.

They seemed okay with this plan when we discussed it a week before the wedding, so we assumed it was all agreed. As we told them if its not ok, we can book a table at any of the other places we had been to visit. Every place we went to were happy to book a table and they didn't want paying in advance or deposit etc. As they said it wasnt alot of people.

We still had a week to go, and its easy to book a table for 6 adults and 3 kids. You dont need to book in advance or even pay in advance so either way its fine. We had already told the family any food or drink consumed is for us to pay for.

But it was agreed to be done at their house where the kids had a pool to play aswell so that was a bonus, and food was purchased to accommodate this plan. And no it didnt all need to be cooked.

But when we got to their house around 1 pm, she suddenly said, “Well, we’re going out for dinner now. Have fun” and winked. And just like that, they all left. She didn't even mention it to us in the week after we had agreed to go back to their house that she had arranged for anything else to happen.

We were left sitting alone on our wedding day. No reception, no toast, no meal. just waiting until it was time to go to the beach for our photos. We couldn’t even cut the cake we had brought because they were gone. Later that evening, we had a quiet dinner alone, just the two of us, at the restaurant on the beach.

Not by design, but because everyone else had gone. We ended up cutting the cake awkwardly that night at about 9pm with just his dad and stepmom after we all got back. (They got back at about 6pm from their meal out with the family, our photos were booked for 5pm)

I tried not to let it ruin the day, especially because we were staying with them for another two weeks and I didn’t want to cause tension. But honestly, it really hurt. I didn’t feel like a bride. I felt like the event had been taken over by her preferences and then discarded when it no longer suited her schedule or the kids’ mealtime.

I know they technically contributed financially and they probably feel like they helped a lot. But to me, it felt like the day was hijacked and then abandoned. AITA for still feeling upset about this and for thinking she made our wedding about herself and the grandkids instead of us?

EDIT: We are planning to do something on our wedding anniversary to redo. And yes, I know it's not the conventional wedding with lots of guests. We only thought there would be like 2 "guests" right at the end.

Some of it might not make sense to you, it doesn't to me. But it's just the whole situation. And yes, I should have said something at the time, but it happened so fast. Also, this was all planned out and had been for at least 2 months. The children being included happened 1 week before the wedding. And yes, we should have stuck to our guns and said no kids, but it was so awkward.

Especially cus they already had dresses and (i believe) told they were coming by the stepmother. It was after the kids got confirmed it all changed, and then on the day of the wedding, they just went out for the meal. We were not told beforehand that they had booked anything. They just left and went for their family meal. If we had a chance, we would have gone with them. But it was so unexpected.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

lun4d0r4 said:

NTA, but honestly... Have a reception party with your family as a do-over.

OP responded:

Thats what we are planning to do for our wedding anniversary. ♡

No-Broccoli-5932 said:

NTA. This wasn't YOUR wedding. It was Stepmom's party with you guys as guests in fancy dress. It must have been SO hurtful to realize you were just being used so she could get the praise for such a great "wedding" when it was all about her. I wouldn't trust her with anything in the future.

She reeks of narcissism. Is there anything you can do when you get home to celebrate YOUR wedding? Have a party and wear Wedding Duds? Have a cake? Friends you wanted to be there? Your family let you down as well by letting her take over. I hope you get the opportunity to do something fun to replace your disappointed memories.

OP responded:

Thats what we plan to do for our wedding anniversary

BurgerThyme said:

Honestly the aftermath sounds a lot better with just you and your new husband. If "being left all alone" means just you and your fresh husband at a sunset dinner without some B and her brats and her wimp husband I'd call that a win.

OP responded:

Tbh you are right. 😆 we had a great meal but I was annoyed so much about the colour situation and just taking everyone out for a meal. But us. She didnt even say anything to us until the monent they left.

BidRevolutionary945 said:

NTA. I'm so sorry that happened to you. :( Maybe you could have a small ceremony with your family back home in the UK?

OP responded:

Thats the plan for our wedding anniversary

Cronewithneedles said:

What did his dad have to say about all this?

OP responded:

We haven't really had to moment to say anything to him. She is usually there when my husband speak to him the phone and he doesn't want to make a situation for his dad. And I dont feel like its my.place to say something.

Useless890 said:

That woman shouldn't even hear the word "wedding" the rest of her life. How ridiculous!

OP responded:

We warned his brother about it 😆

Individual_Fall429 said:

And which year were they expected to give you wedding gifts? Sounds like you cheaped out on the wedding.

“We were left sitting alone, no reception, no toast, no meal.” Yes that was YOUR planning. You planned the “reception” at a place you hadn’t rented out, and you had no food for your guests. You planned to let them buy their own food, but didn’t even check if it that would work… so you didn’t even have a proper reservation?

So you failed to plan, failed to establish any parameters for your day, then were upset it didn’t magically workout?

OP responded:

I dont think you read the post. We had a plan. It just wasn't the same plan people have as we were only going to have 4 to 6 people, so you dont plan it the same as a "normal" wedding And what it has got to do with you about gifts, that's irrelevant. At no point have i said they would buy their own food... that is just your assumption. All I said was that I didn't want to eat at lunchtime, which is fair enough.

They could have. We did have a plan, and yes, I was upset that the plan got changed on the day. I was also annoyed that my wedding colours were picked without my knowledge. But anyway, obviously you feel im overreacting as we dont agree on this, and that is also fair enough. Anyway have a good night

BurgerThyme said:

Honestly the aftermath sounds a lot better with just you and your new husband. If "being left all alone" means just you and your fresh husband at a sunset dinner without some B and her brats and her wimp husband I'd call that a win.

And OP responded:

Tbh you are right. 😆 we had a great meal but I was annoyed so much about the colour situation and just taking everyone out for a meal. But us. She didnt even say anything to us until the monent they left.