'AITA for being upset that my wife didn't give me what I wanted for Father's Day to get back at me?'
"AITA for being upset that my wife didn't give me what I wanted for Father's Day to get back at me?"
I very well could be wrong and maybe I deserved it but I can't be sure. I will include both sides of the argument. She does contribute to the household despite not working so no, I don't want to hear comments about finances. She has plenty of money saved from when she was working prior to giving birth.
So, for Mother's Day I had to work. My wife was at home with all 4 of our children all day. Our kids are 13, 10, 9 and 6 months. I had been working for 2 weeks straight at that point and hadnt gotten the opportunity to grab her anything for Mother's Day so after I got out of work, I went shopping. I got home at 8pm.
Therefore, her Mother's Day "sucked". All she wanted for Mother's Day was 'alone time' where she wasn't needed/wanted at all, all day. She just wanted to relax without being bothered, basically. And I totally get it! But I had to work. I didn't even get out of work until 6:30pm.
She did absolutely appreciate the gift I had gotten (something she had said she wanted in passing for a few months), but she said that she was bothered because I could have gotten that gift any other day and that her one request had been neglected.
She wasn't super upset but unfortunately, she asked for a back rub as a kind of "you can make it up to by doing x" type of situation, so I start rubbing her back and fell asleep damn near immediately because I was just exhausted from work and all else. So I kind of botched her day.
Fast forward to Father's Day yesterday. I had to work, but only until noon. She asked me what I wanted for dinner that night but I didn't have a preference. She asked what I wanted to do for Father's Day and suggested some things like bringing the kids fishing or going swimming and honestly, I didn't want to.
All I wanted to do was relax and work on my truck uninterrupted. As soon as I said this she said "no, you can hang out with the kids for father's day." I asked her why. It's father's day after all. Shouldn't I be able to get what I want? I admittedly wasn't making the connection between mother's day and father's day.
She said "why should you get a stress free, kid free, relaxing day of no interruptions when you couldn't give me even a sliver of that on mother's day when I asked for it? Again, you can hang out with the kids for father's day." She then turned and walked away, leaving the kids with me.
Am I wrong for being upset about it? My wife said I have zero ground to stand on, because for the past several mothers day and birthdays of hers, I've worked and she hasn't been able to do anything that she has wanted to do...
(Her most recent employer gives ALL mom's mother's day off and ALL dad's father's day off, as well as all birthdays, so she's always had the day off but I never have those days off so it's difficult to do anything for her those days).
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Kraegon- said:
Are you able, or trying, to take days off? I think she might just feel a bit neglected, or like you're not trying.
Open-Incident-3601 said:
YTA. You didn’t even make the effort to hire childcare for her to have an hour to herself on Mother’s Day or her birthday. You admit you have not done so despite having to work on this days for years.
But she’s supposed to make the effort for you to get magical alone time? No. You get what you give. You’re lucky she didn’t meet you at work at noon and hand the kids over to you then until 8:30 that night.
TarzanKitty said:
YTA. Since it seems that you never actually parent your kids. You would think you would want to enjoy FD with your children.
Strong_Arm8734 said:
YTA, if you absolutely can never have PTO (which is a bullshit excuse) then pre-arrange child care, make a spa appointment for her to relax alone, stop being obtuse. You had time to post and reply here, you couldn't book time for your wife to get a break? If it actually matters to you, you find a way. You show her she doesn't.
Broad-Discipline2360 said:
Dude, she is just matching the energy you give her. YTA.
celticmusebooks said:
Your wife is a freaking ROCKSTAR!!!! Dude, YOU set the bar for Mother's Day/Father's Day (and set it ridiculously low BTW). According to your post you spend very little time taking care of your kids and want a "child free" Father's Day. Father's day is for good Dads. YTA.