'AITA for believing my 2.5 year-old over my mother-in-law?' 'Grandma clipped it.'

"AITA for believing my 2.5 year-old over my mother-in-law?"

Without going into too many specifics, my MIL is difficult to deal with. The biggest problem I have with her is that she does what she wants with my daughter regardless of what me or my husband say. I’ll say no candy, she’ll give her two pieces.

She sneaks her coke and tea even after we’ve told her not to. Most things are harmless enough but my husband and I watch our daughter like a hawk when we’re at their house now. We were there for a long weekend and honestly everything was going great. MIL was in a great mood and FIL was feeling good (he’s in his 90s and his health hasn’t been great the past year).

I let my guard down and let my daughter spend some time with my MIL. A couple of days later when my daughter and I are eating lunch, she tells me MIL clipped her hair. I asked her where and she pulls at her bangs and sure enough they look like they’ve been cut.

She also said the same thing to the neighbor when the neighbor said how blonde my daughter’s hair had gotten, “grandma clipped it” That would have been my daughter’s first haircut. I had no doubt MIL cut it.

She mentioned a couple of times my daughter needed a haircut. Me and my husband said no we did not want to cut her hair. I texted my MIL that I knew she had cut her hair and basically we’d be going no contact for a while along with how I felt about the situation. She of course denied everything and called my husband screaming crying, “how can you believe anything a 2 yo says!?” So, AITA?

EDIT:

It wasn’t a week later that I noticed her hair was cut. It was literally a day and a half later. I did notice it was different I just thought it was the way she had slept on it. Her hair is soft and fine so tangles aren’t really a problem and she hates it when I try to fix it so I pretty much leave it alone until it’s time to wash it, which I don’t do every night.

Also my MIL has a history of disregarding your wishes as a parent. She is low to no contact with her step grandchildren for this exact reason.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

AfraidOstrich9539 said:

NTA. Your MIL has a habit of going against the wishes of a child's parents, (doesn't matter who the kid is, stranger or family). You know this, she knows this. So how on earth can she expect you to believe her when it comes to your child?

Now, could your daughter have lied? I mean, it's a possibility but look at it this way... someone has cut her hair, so until good ole grandma can empirically prove she isn't the culprit, tell her that her actions in the past have led you to believe the one person in the situation who doesn't go behind your back. It doesn't matter that the 1 person is only a toddler.

Ok_Homework_7621 said:

NTA It's not just your daughter telling you, the hair is missing. So either somebody cut it or she let a toddler play with scissors unsupervised, which would be a horribly dangerous and stupid thing to do. Yeah, you absolutely cannot trust her.

The next step would be to start teaching your daughter to not tell you things so Grandma doesn't get into trouble. You're better off without somebody like that, so is your daughter.

itstherizzler96 said:

NTA. Kids rarely lie about these things, and there's clearly precedent. You have to put your foot down about your daughter and establish boundaries. Otherwise, your MIL will do whatever she wants and end up doing worse things that can harm your child.

It's good that you and your husband are on the same page. MIL doesn't get to complain about anything as long as she's blatantly disregarding your authority as parents.

zoe_dreampor said:

NTA. Your MIL really said, “I know better than the actual parents” and took the scissors into her own hands. A 2.5-year-old randomly making up a whole hair salon incident? Unlikely. She’s been sneaking candy, Coke, and now unauthorized haircuts next thing you know, she’s signing the kid up for a credit card. Low-key wouldn’t trust her with a goldfish at this point.

Special_Respond7372 said:

You’re NTA, and you’re not “believing a 2.5 year old over your MIL” either. You’re believing your own eyes that can see that the hair is clipped. Tell her that, and then firmly go NC for a while.

Violetmints said:

NTA. It almost doesn't matter if she did or didn't cut the kid's hair. She has exhibited a sustained pattern of lying and boundary crossing. The most concerning part might be that even if a parent manages to get inaccurate information from a child "You can't believe small children" is never the right answer. Ever. That's someone you need to keep an eye on, even if they're not deliberately trying to cause harm.