'AITA for choosing my best friend as my best man instead of my step brother?'
"AITA for choosing my best friend as my best man instead of my step brother?"
I'm (24m) getting married to my fiancee (28f) in two weeks. My step brother "Pete"(25m) is mad that I chose my best friend "Charles"(28m) as my best man. Honestly, choosing Charles was a no-brainer because Pete and I aren't close.
Yeah, we're step brothers, but we never lived together. I used to live with my mom and he lives with my dad and step mom. We didn't go to school together. We only "hung out" when I visited my dad, and even then, the times he came out of his room when I was over were few and far between.
Even in the last 6 months. I can count on one hand the number of times I've talked to Pete. Where as I've talked to Charles pretty much every single day in the last 6 months.
I used to invite Pete to do things with me and call to chat so we could actually have a brotherly relationship but he never accepted any of my invitations or answered any of my calls so I gave up trying. He's made it clear to me that he doesn't want much to do with me.
On the other hand, Charles and I are really close. Charles and I have known each other for 11 years and we used to hang out pretty much every day. He chose me as his best man for his wedding. He's like an older brother to me.
I've gone to him for advice and I've been there for him when he needs me. If I'm being completely honest, I see Charles as a brother while I don't really see Pete as a brother, or even a step brother, just the son of the woman my dad married.
Nothing against Pete. He seemed like a decent guy and he was (and still is) invited to the wedding, he just wasn't in the wedding party because he's basically a stranger.
Anyway, the whole reason I made this post is because I got a text from Pete earlier today. He found out I chose Charles as my best man and said he was hurt that I didn't choose him, then he demanded I make him my best man. I apologized and said I was sticking with Charles and he messaged back, saying he wasn't coming if he wasn't my best man.
Around half an hour after that, I got a call from my step mom. She went off on me for not choosing Pete as my best man. She said I should have chosen him because "we're brothers."
She ended her rant by saying she wasn't coming if Pete wasn't my best man, then she hung up. Shortly after that, I got a text from my dad saying I should just make Pete my best man to keep the peace.
Now there's this little voice in the back of my head that's wondering if I should just make Pete my best man. AITA for choosing my best friend instead of my step brother as my best man?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA Why is everyone making YOUR wedding about them. Id say something like...
"(Insert family member name), I'm sorry you've chosen to not attend our wedding, we love you all, but this day is about us and our love and unfortunately this is what I've chosen for my wedding and if you can't be there to support us unless we choose Pete, that's your decision."
This is the same step-brother who got upset when you gave your fiancee' a "forehead kiss" and told you to "stop forcing your perfect relationship down his throat", right? Where on earth does this "little voice" come from?
Sounds to me as though you need to invite your Dad out for a coffee and tell him just what you told us. There was a time when you made overtures and issued invitations, trying to become friendlier, but Pete made it clear he didn't want much to do with you and you respected that.
As a result, you don't have much relationship with Pete and what you do have is marginal. Where does that "little voice" even come from? NTA but you will be if you ditch Charles for Pete.
NTA. Why can't Pete "keep the peace" and accept that he isn't your best man. Why can't Pete compromise since it's not his wedding. You shouldn't have to compromise on YOUR wedding day that you and your fiancé are paying for. If he doesn't want to come, then so be it. It'll save you the cost of 2-3 people.
NTA and everyone just discovered 2 weeks before the wedding he wasn’t a the best man. That’s shows how out of touch he is with you and your life. No not change a thing. If they don’t come they don’t come. But make sure they know that’s a bridge they are burning and they will have to be the ones to rebuild it when they have to cross back over.
NTA - your wedding, your choice. Even if he was your bio brother it would be ok for you not to have him as best man. Just tell him and stepmom they are entitled to choose what they want to do. The same as you are entitled to do what you want to do.
NTA. It's your wedding, you (and your fiancee) are calling the shots. No, not your dad, mom, stepwhatever, FIL, or God forbid, MIL. A best man and maid of honour are positions someone is called for, not something one can enroll by calling dibs!
NTA. Step Mom and Step Bro doesn’t get to tell you what to do on your wedding day. If they don’t want to come, they don’t have to. Stick with Charles.
NTA. Call their bluff. My guess is Pete is embarrassed that everyone will think you're not close because he's not in the wedding party.
Absolutely NTA, I can’t understand how a person can try to make another couples wedding about themselves. It’s YOUR wedding day, you choose who your best man is and anyone who truly cares about you will just be happy for your big day and glad that they get to be there for you in whatever way you decide.
Edit: had to come back and say that Pete doesn’t deserve to be in your wedding anyway and sounds like a spoiled brat.