'AITA for telling my best friend I can’t be her MOH because she’s cheating on her fiancé?'

"AITA for telling my best friend I can’t be her maid of honor because she’s cheating on her fiancé?"

My best friend of 12 years lives in another state and has been in a relationship with her girlfriend for 5 years and recently got engaged. They’re planning to get married next year and she asked me to be her maid of honor which I previously said yes to.

Over the last couple months, she’s been confiding in me that she has been cheating on her fiancé - and I don’t mean one accidental thing, I mean having a full blown, intentional, ongoing affair.

I’ve been having many conversations on the phone with her about the situation, and she has seemed to be remorseful and know that what she’s doing is wrong, and has expressed many other issues with the relationship and know that she should break up with her.

So I’ve been trying to help her get to the point of breaking up, which I know is hard to do when you’ve been with someone for so long, so I’m trying to have some empathy and grace for why they haven’t broken up yet.

However, this has been going on for so long that now we are all going to be back in our hometown for Christmas and supposed to all hang out with our old high school friend group and our partners.

I haven’t seen my friend’s fiancé since knowing all this and I’m deeply uncomfortable with keeping this secret. I thought they would have broken up by now and I didn’t know I would be put in this situation.

So I called my friend and told her that I love her and I’m here for her and know she has to deal with things in her own time, but I’m not comfortable being around her and her fiancé knowing what I know.

She got PISSED TF OFF at me and basically attacked me for 45 minutes and called me a terrible friend and said that she told me those things in confidence and wouldn’t have told me if she knew I felt this way.

I told her that I was keeping it in confidence and that was putting me in a shitty situation, and if she wanted it to continue to be in confidence I probably shouldn’t be around them together, so she could deal with it on her own time.

She made it pretty clear that she never actually intended to break up with her fiancé and still plans to marry her and never tell her about the affair. I’m quite shocked because I thought this whole time that there was not going to be a wedding and that she knew that what she was doing would end the relationship.

Now it’s clear that she has wanted me to just keep her secret and be the maid of honor in her wedding and is convinced there’s nothing wrong with what she’s doing as long as her fiancé never finds out and she breaks it off with the person she’s been seeing and they move on and are happy.

This is so so wrong to me and I can’t be a part of it. She thinks I’m being a bad friend and this may be the end of a 12 year friendship. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

plag23 writes:

She is the asshole for not revealing her friend to be the scumbag that she is. Imagine your partner cheating on you, only to find out that their friend not only knew, but helped her by not telling anyone.

To put it harshly, either OP can grow a spine and do what must be done or shut up and be content with being a coward who values a friendship with someone they know is an AH over their own morals.

OP is being used as a doormat by her friend. Her friend is banking on OP’s moral compass not being strong enough to expose her ass, and from what I’ve read in this post, she’s right. OP knows it’s wrong but is not strong enough or brave enough to do anything about it.

OP is perfectly content with sitting on the sidelines and watching instead of taking action, while also proclaiming how much better she is morally for believing it’s wrong but taking no action. I wonder what OP will say when they divorce when this shit comes to light and the fiancé loses half her stuff along with being hit with the knowledge that her cheating partners friend knew the whole time.

acga8 writes:

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Yes, I’m sure there are exceptions, BUT having a full blown relationship is a huge red flag, and so heinously disrespectful.

Let your friend be pissed. I would absolutely tell the fiance. They have a right to know what they’re getting into. If they choose not to care, then whatever. If a friend knew my SO was cheating and didn’t tell me, that’s the end of the friendship, AND the end of my confidentiality.

I can’t give you advice on how to tell them, but they need to know ASAP. I will say that the fiance should be told before the Christmas trip.

sreansun writes:

A bridesmaid of mine was dating a friend from my hometown (I introduced them, it was a complete fluke as her and I live in a small town 14 hours away and I didn’t know she’d be in my hometown the same time XD)

Anyway they’d been dating almost a year when I got married and she spent half the reception in bed with one of the groomsmen!! I mostly stopped talking to her after that but Deeply regret not having told her bf. He died a few months later (tragic motorcycle accident,) thinking this girl was the love of his life and faithful to him….. to this day it sickens me, even worse that she makes out like her life ended when his did, even though she had continued to cheat on the man….

The last thing I ever said to her (besides once responding “debit” at a till,) was to publicly call her out about it on a fb post she made XD *let me tell you that was deeply satisfying!

Long story short, please tell your “friends” fiancé exactly why you’re dropping out of the wedding, the regret of letting a decent person get fucked around like that is Intense!!!