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Bride’s chaotic 'best friend' attempts to sabotage wedding plans. + UPDATE

Bride’s chaotic 'best friend' attempts to sabotage wedding plans. + UPDATE

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"My [27F] 'best friend' [26F] turns out to be crazy and is ruining my wedding."

Some background info about this girl (let's call her "Jess"). At this point in her life, she's kind of a hot mess. She's one of those people who airs everything on Facebook, who has a new "love of my life" every month, and a new "best friend" every few months.

Her relationships and friendships usually end terribly, with both sides hating each other. How did I become being her "best friend"? Well, she hasn't always been this way.

She was relatively normal five years ago when I met her, save for the normal "early twenties" drama. But in the last two years, she's lost her mom to cancer and her grandpa to old age, and she doesn't have any other family.

She dropped out of school and found out her boyfriend at the time was cheating on her. After the breakup I was acting like a shoulder to cry on since she had pretty much hit rock bottom. A few months later, she was telling everyone how close we were and started tagging me as her "best friend".

A few months ago, I got engaged. Unbeknownst to me, she started telling everyone she was my maid of honor - even though I've always planned on making my sister my maid of honor.

But this was right after Jess' mom had died, so I just improvised and said I would have two maid of honors. It's still not what I would have liked, but I literally couldn't bring myself to tell this poor girl I don't consider her my best friend. That was my first mistake.

About a month after I got engaged, she met a guy. Two weeks later, she was engaged. A week later, she was married. A month later, she was divorced (separated? I don't know if it's legal yet... I don't know if anything was legal. But she changed her last name and is still going by that so I'm guessing it was legal).

Ever since the divorce, my own wedding planning has become unbearable. She is constantly telling me how marriage doesn't work, love can't save things, etc, etc... and criticizes how much I'm spending on my wedding when she had hers for a few hundred (vegas wedding).

It's gotten to the point where she's rude to the vendors I'm meeting with, but she gets really upset when I don't take her to meetings since she's the "maid of honor". So I'm at the point where I just want to cut her out of the wedding (like I should've done in the first place). However, when I confessed this to a mutual friend, my friend let me know to be careful because Jess can be really vindictive.

When she found out her ex from a few years ago was getting married, she tried to contact the bride and tell her he was cheating on her (he wasn't). One of her last "besties" was fired from her job because Jess made multiple email accounts and regularly contacted customer service complaining about her.

And since she knows so much info about my wedding already, I'm really terrified that she'll somehow try to sabotage it. So basically, I don't know what to do at this point.

I feel like this wedding is getting away from me, but I also don't know if it'd be less painful to keep her a part of it (because it would save me all the drama). I don't know what she's capable of, so I'm really worried that she'll somehow make everything harder for me if I don't just grin and bear it. Help.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:

Cut this girl out of your life. Do you want to be on tiptoes for the rest of your wedding planning, your marriage, you life because of this vindictive girl? It is hella rude to nominate yourself as maid of honor (or even as an invitee to the wedding, yeesh), and she should have no say over any of your decisions.

Kick her out of your wedding, warn your fiancee and family that she may spread rumors, and block her on every form of social media. Also let all your vendors know that you are the SOLE contact person and decision maker.

You are the ONLY ONE that can confirm or deny location, time, order, etc. That should hopefully prevent any sabotage on her part. After all that is done, let out a relieved breath and enjoy your life without this toxic person.

unicorndeathrace

To add - it might be a good idea to have passwords with your vendors to confirm your identity.

(OP)

Thank you for the advice. I was actually considering the passwords thing but I don't know if that's taking things too far... I guess I'm kind of worried about vendors resenting me for being "high maintenance". But I hear about bridezillas/momzillas/in-law-zillas all the time, so hopefully this isn't the worst they've seen...

Jesus just tell her "Jess! You knew him for 3 weeks before you married him! What in the ever-loving eff did you think was going to happen?" If I've only been seeing a girl for 3 weeks, I won't even poop with her in a half-mile radius.

(OP)

Seriously, the week before the wedding was everyone kindly saying "uhhh... you sure? You've known him an awfully short time". And her responding "everyone's jealous because they can't be us!" Yeah.

Sounds like you need to have a VERY uncomfortable talk with this girl. Tell her what you told us here and let her know her negative attitude has no place in planning your wedding. You're sorry things aren't working out for her, but she is not allowed to pile this stuff on you.

Tell her that you cannot have her as a maid of honor, and since she seems to think so negatively about marriage you wouldn't expect her to do this. Up to you if you even let her attend the wedding as a guest.

Three months later, the OP returned with an update.

Guys. This went full-blown crazy. Before I could have a conversation with Jess, she confronted me about it. Apparently the mutual I confided in let the whole story leak and a twisted, more dramatic version made its way back to Jess. Sh*!*t, meet fan.

It was an hour or two of me trying to explain to Jess in a somewhat calm manner that I felt she had overstepped her boundaries and it was really taking a mental toll on me while she yelled about what a terrible friend I was and how she's tired of putting all of her faith in the wrong people, and how she was tired of trying her best to be a good maid of honor.

I made the mistake of pointing out that I had never asked her to be my maid of honor in the first place, and she responded with "well then I must be delusional". The first step is admitting you have a problem, so... progress?

Needless to say, we aren't on speaking terms. Shortly after that I took all of your advice and called all of my wedding vendors and let them know that my fiance and I were going to be the only people making any decisions, and set up a confirmation word with them.

Apparently this sh!!t happens a lot because nobody even asked why. I accidentally forgot to contact the bakery making our cake but luckily they called me and asked if I was certain I wanted to cancel the wedding cake (apparently there was a voicemail left on their machine... wonder how that happened.) Here's where things get really nuts.

A few weeks after our blow up she apparently met some guy who is the love of her life. A few weeks after that, they're engaged (I can't make this sh!!t up. She did it AGAIN). Then our mutual friends get invitations for her wedding... which is the same date as mine. But since they had RSVP'd for my wedding, a lot of them couldn't make it.

A few days before her wedding, they have to cancel because he's already married. And you know what? SO IS SHE. I guess she never got officially divorced from that first quickie wedding. So as far as I know, no wedding actually happened. I have no idea if they still plan to, I'm just glad to be away from that circus.

But anyways, I got married a few weeks ago, everything was wonderful, the weather was great, and everyone present was a joy to be around (except maybe my uncle who gets a little too dance-y when he's drunk but you know. Family.)

Thank you to everyone who responded, and to everyone letting me know I'm not helping matters by going with the flow. I will be actively practicing caution when making "friends" (by running from crazy and not comforting it).

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:

justbreathe5678

"Guys. This went full-blown crazy."

Who could've expected that?

zombie_goast

"We all worked at the same restaurant" Ahh, there it is. Explains everything lmao. I do hope Jess gets/got help though, reeked of Cluster B but that's not always untreatable.

Jess is a roller-coaster of crazy.

Most, if not all of this could have been avoided if OP had simply said, “Oh, sorry Jess, but my sister is my MOH”.

Very much a "you can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm" scenario. The ex-friend needs heavy therapy yesterday.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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