'My best friends left me on wedding morning. AITA for still being upset?'
"My best friends left me on wedding morning. AITA for still being upset?"
I recently got married in May, and took the route of eloping at a beautiful cottage a few hours away with close friends and family. I wanted something fairly simple, small, and low in cost and it ended up being beautiful. However, I have something that has been weighing me down that I am having a hard time letting go of. I think about it everyday still:
Me and my husband did not have a formal wedding party, but we invited our two closest friends and their partners for the weekend. A lot of the weekend had been spent hiking, swimming, and kayaking from our dock as we all love outdoors activities and the weather was beautiful.
The wedding morning, my two friends left for kayaking right at 9am. I didn’t think anything of it since my ceremony starts at 3pm, so I said see you later… I did not end up hearing from them until almost 2pm that day, and spent the time upstairs in the cabin by myself with the hair and makeup artist as well as the photographer for a time.
A side note, my mother was there for a part of the time, but she has some mental illnesses that makes our relationship a bit difficult. I did not eat or drink anything for most of that morning because I did not want to enter the main floor and see my soon-to-be husband.
To make it quite clear, I am not a bridezilla, and I understand well that just because it’s my wedding day, people are not expected to cater to me for 24 hours a day. I also acknowledge that I should have set out my expectations if I wanted my friends to be there with me by my side the morning of.
But looking back, and thinking of how isolated I felt, I can’t help but feel bitter that I did not see my two best friends until almost an hour before the ceremony when they came up.
I feel that the window of time to acknowledge it to them is passing, and to be honest I don’t even know if there is any point because nothing can be changed now. The ceremony and reception ended up going great and it seemed that everyone had a good time. The two of them did a speech for me and it was very heartfelt.
I know what they mean to me, and what I mean to them, but I still cannot seem to let go of a small piece of resentment for the wedding morning I was looking so forward to. Am I over exaggerating or being too dramatic? Should I talk to them? Or should I take the day as a whole for how beautiful it was, and move forward.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Gently, YTA. Because you approached everything in a very non-traditional manner, it is unreasonable to expect your friends to adhere to traditional duties (like helping you get ready) without communicating these expectations to them.
"took the route of eloping"
NO. Please stop with this made up definition of eloping. You had a wedding. With a *photographer*. Sigh. You did not elope. YOR.
Maybe if you didn't refer to your wedding as eloping, your friends would have taken it more seriously and done traditional wedding/bride stuff. You didn't say you wanted them to be with you, they went with the clear vibe you were giving. Don't bring it up, let it go, congratulations on your marriage.
YTA for not communicating what you expected of them and holding a grudge for not getting what you didn't even ask for.
NAH. You're not the AH for being bummed, but if you wanted them to be around to help you get ready, you should have communicated that. There not mind-readers. Focus on what went right, and what was beautiful about the day. ❤️
Mrose35100455 (OP)
For context, the one best friend, no, not like her at all, and then other best friend, yes a little bit like her (not in a way that is insidious, but just not as closely calculated with her time).
YTA. If you wanted them back to be there with you getting ready, here is where you messed up. You didn’t think anything of it and said ‘see you later.’ That does not speak ‘I want you with me while getting ready can you be back by 12?’
NAH but honestly probably best to just move on. They definitely poorly timed their kayaking trip and when they’d be back but it sounds like they’re both really good friends who were otherwise there for you. However, if it really bothers you then talk it out! It sounds like they’d understand.
Personally I think you’re the AH. you didn’t communicate expectations, everything went great and you’re ungrateful lol.
Definitely talk to them, if they are your friends they will want to know they did something to upset you and correct it or explain better, if they're not your friends they won't care at all and will make it like you're over reacting. Good time to find out, sorry that happened and no you're not overreacting you should have your friends with you during the big day.
Aside from mine or any other opinions here: Speak to them. My thought, without knowing you or them - because you did not communicate your expectations for them that day, they might have thought it best to get out of the cabin and out of your hair to allow you to have your time to get ready for your big day.
It doesn't sound like anything was done will ill-intent, especially considering the heartfelt speeches you mentioned that they gave.