'My best guy friend just told me he’s in love with me…two days before my wedding.' AITA? + UPDATE
"My best guy friend just told me he’s in love with me…two days before my wedding."
I’ve been with my fiancé for three years, engaged for a little over a year. My best friend and I have known each other since freshman year of college (we are all in our early 30s). This morning, I woke up to a long ass text from my guy best friend that he had sent around 6am.
Basically, it was him pouring his heart out. He said he’s been in love with me for years, but always hoped I’d end up breaking up with my fiancé and finally noticing him. He asked me to call off the wedding and run away with him (??).
It said, “I needed to tell you before it was too late.” I just feel gross. And sad. I have no feelings for him beyond platonic love. I’ve drafted a response and deleted it, over and over.
I haven’t even told my fiancé. I don’t want him to have to worry about me so soon to our wedding. I know I need to, but I don’t know what to do or how to phrase it. What’s worse is that he’s become my fiancé’s friend, too.
I’m also pretty pissed that my friend chose such an unfortunate time to cause me such distress. There were so many times over the years he could’ve just bucked up and told me how he felt. But waiting until right before I’m married? Like I would just cancel my wedding and leave my fiancé because of a goddamn TEXT?
I want to tell him to not come to the wedding. I can’t trust that he wouldn’t try to pull something. I don’t even know if I want to talk to him again, but the thought of losing my best friend is heartbreaking. Hell, the thought of not having him at my wedding is really painful.
He’s put me in an uncomfortable, impossible situation. I wish it wasn’t on me to deal with his feelings for him. I wish he had either stopped being friends with me when he realized us ending up together would never happen, or had told me a while ago.
I don’t want to kick him while he’s down, but I need to make it clear that I have no feelings, the wedding is still on, and I don’t want him to attend. We have been friends for over a decade. I’ve been crying over this all day. I feel almost disgusted, knowing that this whole time he had ulterior motives.
How do I even go about dealing with this? I’m supposed to get married in under 48 hours…I’ll be showing the text to my fiancé after he gets home from his brother’s. I won’t send anything until he’s here with me.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
Guy has seen way too many rom coms.
Yeah wouldn't be surprised if he had been hoping for some Pam/Jim scenario.
Show your fiancé the text and let him feel his own feelings too. Just send "You are my friend and nothing more. I need to process my thoughts so don't come to the wedding and don't contact me - I will contact you when I am ready." Then mute him if you can. If he tries to message again, block him. It really sucks but you just need to put this to one side and enjoy your wedding.
Tell your fiancé immediately. At a minimum, they can help you craft the replies to this idiot. I'd start the conversation by saying "We may have to tell [idiot] that he can't come to the wedding. Even worse, we may have to cut him out of our lives entirely..." Then show him the text.
JFC. What an AH. He is a selfish jerk for laying this on you right before you wedding. And you need to tell him that. The text you send back to him needs to be short and sweet and you need to cancel his invite to the wedding. And of course you're going to have to let people know that, if he shows up, that he is to be escorted out immediately.
A little over a month later, the OP returned with an update.
My husband (I love being able to say that now) and I got back from our honeymoon yesterday! I turned on my phone and opened the Reddit app and it was still signed into this account, so I had an “oh yeah” moment and figured I’d post an update.
So, a lot of people here really helped validate the icky mess of feelings I was having. Thank you for that. Posting here really helped put my thoughts into words. So that night, my fiancé got home from his brother’s. I let him sit down and then I showed him the text. He read it and I watched his eyes get bigger and expression angrier.
Of course, I started apologizing like an idiot and he told me I didn’t owe him an apology for anything. We talked and he told me he figured the guy had a crush, but kept it respectful. And really, he had.
We were close, but beyond a side hug during greetings and goodbyes, there was no physicality. I even let him read out past messages just to see that there was no emotional affair or me leading him on. I never even vented about my fiancé when we would have arguments because I knew better than to do that.
I’d talk to my mom, lol. So my fiancé asked me what I wanted to do. And I said that while it did sadden me, I didn’t want him at our wedding. I was afraid that he would try some nonsense.
We typed up a very brief message. It said: “[Friend], I’m sorry that you mistook my friendship for something more. The wedding is going to happen, and it’d be best if you didn’t attend. To be clear, I let [fiancé] read this message and he stands by my decision to uninvite you.”
We wanted to make it clear that it was me who wanted him to not come, not just my fiancé. Knowing him, he’d probably claim that fiancé forced me to uninvite him. He read the message and left it on read for a while. I honestly started getting pretty anxious over it and fiancé asked if I wanted to block him. Part of me wanted to, and part of me wanted to hear him out.
And when he finally responded, the text was so long that I had to click on it to read it. It was horrible. He called me a liar for leading him on for over a decade, that he hoped my fiancé left me and that we were infertile. It was just horrible thing after horrible thing and I started crying.
Fiancé took my phone into the other room while I sobbed. I think he called him, but I’m not sure. What I do know is after about an hour he came back in, handed me my phone back and told me that friend was now blocked on everything, would not be attending, and the best man and my maid of honor knew of the situation and would handle it for me.
It was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders, honestly. After reading that message, I really wasn’t so sad that friend wouldn’t be attending anymore. And our wedding freaking ROCKED.
We had the time of our lives, surrounded by people who loved us and we loved them. It still feels like a dream, to be honest. And if friend tried to show up, I never heard anything of it. I guess that’s the update! It’s not nearly as dramatic and crazy as what people hoped for, I feel like, but I’m happy.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update.
You were engaged to someone else but he thought you were leading him on? Probably a good thing he showed his true colors. Makes losing from your life an easy decision with no guilt.
Yikes. Your new husband sounds lovely and caring. And your ex-friend sounds, uh, extremely unpleasant. In his fantasy world, I guess you were just dating your husband to tantalize him, huh! What a guy. I’m so happy to hear that you’re surrounded by people who love you. This guy leaving your life is SO not a loss, it’s a gain.
OP and her husband handled it the exact right way. Did that ex-friend really think his one mere text was going to stop this wedding and that she was going to run to his arms?! This guy definitely sounds like a "nice guy" and like he watches too many rom-coms.
Not only a text, even if he confessed his love over a candlelit dinner or something it would still be freaking moronic. Lead on for a decade? Imagine being friends with someone (never progressing) for a decade, that person gets engaged and you think "showtime, I'm going to sweep them off their feet". What a peanut.
Lead on for a decade....by dating and then getting engaged to someone else...yeah super mixed messages there, buddy.