"AITA for betraying my friend and telling her husband everything?"

AITA? To preface this, I (26f) have a friend (27f) who is married with three kids ages 9, 6, and 4. Her and her husband (27m) did not have great childhoods, were very poor, and are still not well off.

I have been around since before their oldest was crawling, and have helped them time and time again through hard times, such as putting food in the pantry, gas in the tank, buying formula and diapers, and even driving well out of my way on my days off to take them to work when their car died.

I always did all of this without expecting anything in return because well, that’s what friends are for and I love her kids like they are my nieces. They recently purchased her grandmothers home. This was especially exciting for my friend because this too was her home for much of her childhood, as her mother was not stable.

One night we decided to get dinner and a drink, and she told me she wanted me to meet a new friend of hers she met through work. We drove to their place, which turned out to be a very decrepit modular home owned by a much older man. I have nothing against modular homes, but this one was in poor condition with the toilet nearly falling through the bathroom floor (needless to say I held my bladder).

Turns out she has been having an affair on her husband with this man. My first impression of him was that he was a bit of a loser, but what do I know, I only met him once for about an hour. I did feel a bit guilty, as I have formed a friendship with her husband as well over the years and think of her family as my own family.

I minded my own business, and just gave her some friendly advice about the situation. I hoped she would come to her senses on her own and realize she was breaking up her family for this man.

Fast forward, she has asked for a divorce from her husband, and neither of them can afford her grandmothers house on their own. She never fessed up to the affair, and made it seem like she simply just didn’t want to be with him anymore. They decided to start the process of selling the home, and I then find out that she has taken her 3 girls, and moved them into her affair partners tiny nasty trailer.

A man she has not known for long, who her 3 girls don’t know at all, and her husband is none the wiser. I was absolutely appalled. I told her she needs to take her children home and that it is not appropriate to be moving them in with some random man, let alone into an environment that is not child friendly. (The trailer was somewhat of a flop house with people coming and going, drinking, smoking).

She gave me every excuse in the book as to why that was her only option, which I think was justification to herself for the poor selfish decisions she was making. I decided since she wasn’t going to make the proper decision for her children, that out of concern for the children’s safety I would tell her husband what has been going on and where his kids are.

She obviously became very upset with me and blocked me on everything. AITA for being genuinely concerned for her kids and going behind her back to her soon to be ex husband?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

Nope. She’s screwing up hard and trying to drag her kids down with her. He had every right to know and in the long run the kids will be better off for it.

spockle9 said:

You did exactly what I would do and you deserve a medal for being brave enough to confront your pal.

IAmHerdingCatz said:

Well, you didn't go behind her back--you told her you were going to tell the ex. NTA, because this isn't really about you, your friend, or her ex. It's about the kids.

Mercury2Phoenix said:

NTA You may have saved those kids from some very nasty experiences. Your "friend" is not a good person, nor a good mother.

NumberNumb said:

No. An affair is grounds for a divorce and will probably help him greatly with divorce settlements and child custody after the divorce

Edit from OP:

A lot of people keep commenting that I need to tell the husband. I did tell the husband immediately upon finding out the kids were there and she had no intentions of taking them home. I gave him every bit of evidence I had such as screenshots and told him about any conversations we had in person as well.

I would love to give him the address of the trailer, however she was the one who drove there and it was dark out. I am trying to look up the man to see if I can locate an address as well as any criminal record but he has an extremely common first and last name, so it is hard to narrow it down without more of his personal info.

I am unsure of the husbands plan of action at this time, but if the kids remain there I will call cps and make a report. I am also seeing a lot of comments about not telling him about the affair initially. I am not the police of marital problems. That was between the two of them and I was not going to place myself in the middle of their marriage. However when any child’s safety is in question, I will always speak up.