'AITA for telling my BF he can’t use my vehicle anymore to take his kids to school everyday (more info below)'
"AITA for telling my BF he can’t use my vehicle anymore to take his kids to school everyday?"
I (30F) am starting to get frustrated with my (36M) boyfriend for not taking accountability for his own problems. He had a vehicle that he used to drive but beat it into the ground and never gave the vehicle any TLC until we started dating 4 years ago. He drove it with an expired inspection sticker (like 3 years expired) until he got pulled over and an officer told him next time he would get a ticket.
The car sat for an entire year until we moved to a new apartment and the car continued to sit for another year until my landlord confronted me that it needed to be removed from the property due to no use and it was difficult to start and move during the winter snow fall for plowing.
My BF got upset because “it’s his vehicle - he can have it there. Where doesn’t say in the lease he can’t have it here”. After a couple months my landlord brought it up again that he wouldn’t resign a lease with us if the car wasn’t removed.
So in January -after my last warning from the landlord. I went and bought a new battery for the car, installed it myself, got a storage unit, had it towed to said storage unit and told my BF he needed to figure out what to do with it. 7 months later the car still sits in the storage unit which I’m paying $200 a month for.
I recently brought up to him and stated “I don’t want this to be a fight - I’m just airing my truths” I stated that I found it really difficult for me to continue to store the vehicle because he’s not taking an accountability for it.
He’s just forgotten about it until I’ve consistently bring it up to him and ask what he’s doing with it. I told him I found it really unattractive that there was no initiative and that it was really starting to piss me off. I’m the only one that’s helped him with it and he’s not given a darn.
I told him at this point he owes me all the money back but deep down I know that probably won’t happen. He sat and listened to what I had to say but didn’t really input any sort of game plan to get rid of it. This was a month ago.
Today I sit here, getting the bank notification that $200 was taken out for the storage unit again and he’s given 0 effort to figuring it out. He uses my car for whatever he needs - including when his kids were in school he would drive my car everyday to bring them.
I really don’t have a problem with that - but I’m starting to feel used. He puts gas in the car but treats it like it’s an ours vehicle. I paid my car off which was a huge accomplishment for me - but there’s a small anxious part of me that worries that if he’s driving it and gets in an accident I’m SOL. I haven’t had the conversation with him yet.
I know it’s going to be a hard one but it’s the only way I feel like I can stand my ground at this point. I know his kids may be a little disappointed that they can’t see their dad everyday but I feel that I can’t continue to keep allowing him to use it like he wants. And I also think I’m just going to have his car towed to his mother’s house so they can deal with it.
All I’ve done is put effort into this car. I put in spark plugs, new alternator & the new battery to get it to start. ALL BY MYSELF AND YOUTUBE. The car isn’t inspectable and needs a lot of work that I know he won’t put into it. And I barely got a thank you.
EDIT - yes he has a job. I take him to work everyday and pick him up at the end of his shift. He has a good job but saving money. Most of you have said that he doesn’t respect me and yes I do see that and have for a while. I know that I’m just letting him walk all over me and that’s why I talked to him last month about it and told him I needed him to figure it out.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Let him know that this is the last month you will be paying for storage, then go in and let the storage place know that you are ending the contract at the end of the month. Make sure he knows that, and let him figure it out.
Then, don't resign your lease, move out, and leave this loser behind. He doesn't want a partner he wants a mommy. Let him figure out how to be a grown-up. You don't need to waste your time and money on this man. NTA... but you will be if you continue to let him use you.
All of this. He wants a mom, not a partner. You will grow to resent him (if you haven’t already) and your relationship will fall apart because of that dynamic. He will suck you dry mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. Get out as soon as the lease is up. It’s long past time for him to grow up.
NTA but you have bigger problems than the car. You’re dating an entitled man child. Probs time to cut him loose.
NTA. He could have taken it to the scrap yard by now and saved $1600. Man needs to step up and lead.
Why in the world are you infantilizing a partner? Have it towed to his mother’s, take your keys back, and tell him to get a life or get out of yours. I cannot imagine being with someone this incompetent. Cmon. What possible future is it you see with this clown?
YTA for putting up with a giant loser like this for this long already. You have to be absolutely exceedingly desperate to be in a relationship with absolutely anybody at all to be willing to put up with the kind of nonsense that you're describing.
And I'm betting what we're hearing about is literally just the tip of the iceberg. Do you have any self-respect at all? Or did that just get thrown out the window years ago to begin with?
You need to put your big girl panties on, put your foot down, give this man-child an ultimatum and then be ready to walk away- because nothing's going to change anyways until you do something drastic and take matters into your own hands.
As others have said notify the rental unit that you will be ending your leasing contract at the end of this billing cycle, notify your now ex-boyfriend that he has 30 days to get his car out of that rental unit or you're going to have it towed.
Please oh please please don't resign a lease with this guy. And for the love of all that's holy, please go get some therapy to figure out your lack of self-respect for putting yourself in a situation and leaving yourself here.
Do not go back into the dating world until you understand exactly where you've gone wrong with this relationship and how you can love yourself first and foremost before you worry about throwing your love at another absolute bomb of a loser like this guy.