'My (28F) BF (30M) is having some kind of meltdown after finding out my friend's (36F) age.' AITA? + UPDATE
"My (28F) BF (30M) is having some kind of meltdown after finding out my friend's (36F) age"
ThrowRAbfgonemad2021
I've been dating my boyfriend Mike (fake name) for about four months and everything has been great up until now. This post is gonna make Mike sound kind of crazy but up til now he's been the nicest, most laidback guy I've ever dated.
About a week ago I was on a Zoom call with two of my friends, who we will call Annie and Sarah. Sarah is 27, Annie is 36. I was talking to Annie and Sarah and Mike leaned over my shoulder to say hello.
Because of the pandemic he hasn't met either of them in person yet and it was his first time actually meeting Annie at all. I wanted him to get to know my friends a bit so I invited him to sit next to me and stick around.
Sarah was talking about her dating woes and how the pandemic has made it harder to date than ever. Mike made this weird joke about how Sarah needs to find a guy quick because at 30 she's gonna hit the wall and no man will want her anymore. He said it in this joking voice, but both Annie and Sarah looked weirded out. I was too to be honest, Mike's never said anything like that before.
I guess Mike picked up on the awkwardness because he started trying to explain himself and started saying all this stuff about how women age like milk and it's not the same for guys and men tend to date younger because after 30 they hold all the cards and can pick and choose.
Annie said "I haven't had any trouble meeting men" and Mike said "Just wait until you hit 30 and lose your looks, it's all downhill from there." Annie just kind of laughed and I had to tell Mike that she's 36.
And obviously hasn't lost her looks if he's mistaking her for a twenty something. I said it kind of jokingly but Mike just went silent and then walked off into my bedroom and slammed the door.
That night and ever since then he's been very moody and short with me, and keeps making passive-aggressive comments about how I'm "always" against him and never have his back. We've never even had an argument before this so I don't know where that's coming from.
I've tried to bring up the Annie thing several times and he either clams up and refuses to talk about it or turns it back into me, Annie and Sarah ganging up on him and bullying him, which I don't think any of us did. The rest of the time he's just very short with me and keeps picking fights over tiny stupid things like my tone of voice being wrong.
What do I do here? I really want to talk about what happened and about his views on women and men and ageing because that's kinda concerning. I don't understand why my sweet, cool boyfriend has suddenly transformed into this weirdo because he got politely corrected once. How should I solve this?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
Kdfailshot123
WTF? Sounds likes your bf is a shallow pos. I mean, he was seriously looking for you to back up him that older woman always fall apart... if thats what he really thinks, then your relationship is over in 2 years anyways.
Smack up upside the head, tell him to grow up, and yall can move on from this. This the dumbest non issue I've ever heard in my life. Your boyfriend is being a bitch and he sounds like the type of person that is loaded up with double standards.
spo0om
Lol he sounds like a sexist dumbass and that he’s upset he got proven wrong.
TastyUnits
How is this loser even attractive to you ? I hope you talked to Annie and apologized for his behavior. If I were Annie, I would be incredibly disappointed in you.
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
ThrowRAbfgonemad2021
First of all I want to say thank you. I didn't expect my post to get such a big reaction, but seeing everyone basically unanimously tell me Mike was bad news was the wake-up call I needed.
As a matter of fact it was actually Sarah who told me to make the post, she didn't like Mike at all after that Zoom call and I had been kind of pushing back when she suggested I end the relationship. She didn't sound surprised at all when I told her Reddit unanimously said he was bad news, I think she was probably thinking "I told you so."
I also called my dad after the online post and something he said basically cemented my decision to end it with Mike. He and my mom are the same age and have been happily married for 30 years.
He said "If you stay with this man then on your 30th birthday you're going to be worrying he'll never find you beautiful again instead of celebrating the milestone. Don't waste your time with someone like that.
Every time your mom has her birthday I feel happy that she's choosing to spend another year growing older with me." And basically, that's what I want. And obviously I wasn't going to have that with Mike.
Anyway, long story short I did break up with Mike. I texted him asking to meet up and talk and when he asked what about I told him we needed to discuss the Zoom call and how he'd been acting this week.
I got more of the same stuff about how I'm a bully and ganging up on him and HE wants an apology from ME and even though I had wanted to do the break-up in person I realized he was going to keep trying to turn it around into being my fault, so I just told him over text that I didn't want to see him anymore. He sent back "Whatever. Grow up." and hasn't contacted me since.
So that's that! Not a very interesting update, I know. But even though a big explosive argument might have been a more interesting update I'm kind of glad to have avoided it.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
TheowRA-4545
Good thing done. Now for her to reconcile with her friend and tell her dad what great support they both are.
Pooky582
I'm sorry it had to happen, but I am relieved this is the outcome. I hope you find someone a million times better. Also, I love your dad. He sounds like a great husband and a great father.
Training-Constant-13
So what did Mike think was gonna happen? Did he expect OOP and her friends to tell him "ah yes, we women are indeed disposable once we turn 30" ???? Love it when the trash take themselves out!!
Amelora
This is absolutely a play from the Tate-r-tot, Man-o-sphere hand book. Start with negging, if she doesn't respond properly, ignore her which make her come to you, then withhold affection until she apologizes.
99% of the time all it will get the man is broken up with. These men don't want girlfriends they want devotees. Then when it doesn't work they go online and make a post about how women can't handle the the truth and he tried to be a nice guy but now he just wants to watch the world burn over a picture of the Joker. It is truly pathetic.
peter095837
He tells OP to grow up when he is the one acting like this? What a tool!
Alarmed_Handle_6427
"grow up"
But preferably not past 30.