'AITA for kicking out my BF after he refused to show basic respect towards my kids’ father?'

"AITA for telling my boyfriend to leave after he refused to show basic respect toward my kids’ father?"

I (32F) have two sons with my ex-husband. We share custody, and he came by recently to pick them up from my house. My current boyfriend (we’ve been together a little over a year) lives with me and my kids.

When my ex arrived, I asked my boyfriend to come out and just acknowledge him not to be friends, not to have a full conversation, just to show respect as another adult in the house who’s around my kids. BF and Ex- Husband have met several times before and shared conversation.

I asked him twice, and he flat-out refused. Later, I asked why, and he just shrugged and said, “I didn’t feel like it.” That set me off … hot like fish grease ….because how do you live in a house with a woman and her kids, but feel no responsibility to at least show minimal respect when the kids’ father comes to pick them up?

We ended up in a huge argument. He turned it around on me, saying I have more respect for my ex than I do for him, and completely dismissed the point I was trying to make. I told him his character doesn’t align with the things he always talks about like respect, responsibility, and being an example.

I pointed out how often I support him, especially with his kids and his ex-wife, yet when it comes to me asking for something, he either deflects or blames me. Eventually I told him he could leave as his character does not reflect the words he preaches, and he said he’d stay the night and go home in the morning. I said nope — you can leave tonight. He packed his stuff, I drove him to his place, and that was that.

Now some mutual friends are saying I overreacted and was overly emotional, that I “blew up” over something small, and should have handled it differently. But I’m tired of explaining why respect especially around co-parenting matters. So… AITA for kicking my boyfriend out over this?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

NickholeClark said:

Idk. My partner and I live together. I do not interact with his ex wife when she comes to get the kids. And my partner doesn't interact with my ex husband when he comes to get our kids either. There is really no need, as they have met already. I also do not interact with my ex husband's gf. And I'm sure she lives there. Or is there most of the time at least. I've met her already. No need to talk.

NumbersOverFeelings said:

Read one your comments and it definitely makes it YTA. You said your ex was going to pick up the kids in the morning and didn’t come until 9:45 PM and your bf asked you to call him to figure where he’s at … and you expect your bf to show respect to that type of person?

Respect begets respect. You’re both there waiting for the ex (which means your bf waited too) for the ex to pick up the kids and he’s a whole ~12 hrs late? I wouldn’t acknowledge him either and YTA for expecting him to do so.

RandomGen-Xer said:

I was initially with you, from the topic, but then I read that they've already met, several times in the past. Why would you feel the need to force him (or your ex, for that matter) into further interactions? If it happens it happens... but I guess I just don't understand forcing it. That's probably not ever going to be a comfortable situation, unless they just happen to share common interest and enjoy talking with each other.

Neat_Leadership_8391 asked:

I’m confused. You said that he lives with you, but then said that you drove him to HIS place. Also, he has no car?

OP responded:

He has his place and I have mine. He has been living with me and his transmission is out on his vehicle.

Remarkable-Diet1007 said:

YTA, you can’t force anyone to talk to anyone, you over reacted just like your friends told you and now you are looking for reassurance of your actions from random strangers, your friends probably know both side of this story

And HappyPossible9035 said:

I’m a little torn on this based on the fact that you said they have met and had conversations before. Why does he have to get up and acknowledge him every time? Can he be tired or not feel like socializing?

And then I think of it from your exes pov. He’s met your current boyfriend, had conversations etc. but every time he comes to get his kids this guy is all up in the exchange. Maybe it’s not that deep. They’ll say hi when it’s natural

She later shared this rather defensive update:

I’ve seen the NTA & YTA comments and wanted to offer more context that I didn’t fully unpack in the original post. My ex-BF and I grew up together since elementary, dated in High School. Our families are very close. He pursued me for the relationship. I’ve been divorced, and single for 3.5 years. Him 2 years.

My now ex-BF has consistently expects me to parent his kids not just emotionally, but physically and financially. I’ve done so willingly because I care deeply about them, and I believed in building a healthy, blended family.

I’ve supported his children in every way possible: showing up for school functions, covering basic needs, creating stability, and offering a home life they could rely on. I recently even purchased a home so we could cohabitate. Now, it will just be me, my kids, and our dogs because I’ve realized I was doing the emotional heavy lifting alone.

His ex-wife cheated on him, left both him and their children, and is largely absent by her own admission. Yet I’m constantly asked to engage with her or respond to her passive-aggressive behavior just to soothe his anxiety. I’ve stayed cordial with her for the kids’ sake, but I’ve made it clear I’m not arguing with another woman to defend his pride or insecurities.

I didn’t create that dynamic, and I don’t need to get dragged into it. Meanwhile, my ex-BF frequently complains about my ex-husband being mostly absent, yet refuses to directly address the lack of involvement from his own ex. Instead, he vents or expects me to handle it. I’ve also gotten off the emotional rollercoaster with my ex husband about our kids.

We have had our history of back and forth arguing about his parenting. I just want to move forward in peace. With that when I ask my now ex-BF for any kind of emotional or physical support whether it’s about my kids, my work, or even just life he responds with barking commands, expectations, or hypotheticals he never actually follows through on.

He also has outdated views about gender roles and constantly talks about “a woman’s place” and “a man’s place.” I’ve had to remind him this is 2025, not 1925. If we’re partners, then the effort and support have to go both ways. You don’t get to demand full loyalty, care, and labor from me while offering resentment and control in return. He does not work due to health issues.

I’m not perfect, but I’ve given more than what was asked and when I made a decision that supported my boundaries for once, it became a problem. As many have stated this was the tipping point for me . I’m open to feedback.