"AITA for kicking out my BF after I asked him to quit his job to be a SAHD?"

This is the history:

There’s a lot of history here. We’ve been together since I was 17 and he was 18 we are now 25f and 26m. There have been times in our relationship where I’ve raised our son alone. A large majority of that time actually.

My son is 5, I was 19 when I had him and I figured things out, working multiple jobs and finding reliable childcare. That was all on me, and while working multiple jobs I was able to build a business for myself and I now own a storefront and make more than I would have ever dreamed. I got us our dream apartment and my son doesn’t want for anything.

My boyfriend has come in and out of our lives maybe every 6 months, he is my best friend and he’s been through a lot. There are serious reasons as to why he had trouble providing, but for me it’s not really an excuse, we both have a responsibility to our child but he took a long time to actually be present.

So this past year, he’s been around, he helped some with getting my storefront set up. I was taking my son to work with me pretty often and it was really hard to focus or be a mom at the same time as my job requires my full attention, I am a tattoo artist.

My problem:

So I told him to quit his job and be a stay at home dad. I was making more than him and we would save money by not getting a nanny. He’s been staying at home for 4 months now and this is where our issue comes in.

This weekend he ran up one of my credit cards, I let it slide because we did need shoes, but I had warned him to only get shoes for our son who grew out of all his. He spent $700 on shoes. I then come to check my budget book, where I keep cash for bills and rent, and he has taken another $600 from our rent pocket.

To make things even worse on the day I pay my employees, which is a lot of money going out of my account he goes to the dispensary and spends $200 on weed. I’m honestly livid. That’s $1500 in a weekend. Right before all of our bills are due. I have to pay our rent $1700 and my shops rent which we are behind in is $3000 and utilities for both spaces which is $600.

Let alone supplies and groceries and loans which I pay $1400 a week in. So that money had been accounted for and now I’m going to be struggling to pay rent in both spaces and I’m just pissed.

We are doing better than we ever had but we are still struggling, owning a business is hard and taxing work, like it’s literally all of my income that goes back into my business right now. I budget everything to a t, all of our money is accounted for and i even add money for him weekly, so for him to go and over spend like this… I truly feel unappreciated and disrespected and this isn’t the first time.

When my son was a newborn and I was working three jobs to make $200 a week he took my debit card and stole my last $100 that I need to buy things for my newborn. I started working two weeks after giving birth because he couldn’t find a job. And $100 may not be able to pay anything now but that was all I had back then and that broke my spirit.

This isn’t as detrimental because my income is larger now but it’s still setting us back by a lot. And I honestly want to kick him out with no remorse, but he will be homeless if I did that. I’m literally so upset tho, he’s betrayed me in every way now, and I work to hard for this.

It’s not even about the money I honestly am so upset he would disregard my work like this. I sit down and I budget every other night. He watches me stress over everything , and he just decided to blow cash like that. It’s so disappointing and disrespectful to me.

I’ve told him my mom has a spare bedroom he can rent and he can use my car to do Uber eats while I’m at work. At this point I’d rather hire a cleaning lady and a nanny. It would save me money and heart ache. But I told him to quit his job so I feel I screwed him over in this decision. And he got mad when I brought this solution to the table. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

allmykidsareheathens said:

He’s an addict. Clear as day. Having been through myself, get rid of him. He’s not going change and no amount of good days is worth the bad ones. $1500 in one weekend?! File a police report. He stole from you, your business, and your child. He’s also using to to finance his life. $700 in shoes? Did you see the receipts or is all of this cash back he’s making purchases and getting cash?

Coming in and out of your sons life is confusing and completely unfair to your son.

Also get a court order on your son. You need to file, use this theft and whatever “serious issues” and say you’ll allow him to visit weekly, supervised by your or your mother (assuming you’d allow this because you offered him a rental room)

Lov3I5Treacherous said:

Interesting it’s “our” money but “your” newborn. Babe, put yourself first. This man is a loser and a deadbeat. Stop helping him, he does NOTHING. This is embarrassing. Stand up for yourself. This makes me so angry for you!

And Only_Music_2640 said:

So bf is a deadbeat thief? Just kick him out. With all that he’s stealing from you, you could afford a good nanny or babysitter.

Spinnerofyarn said:

Nope. You give half of what’s left after the bills are paid. You both get an allowance for discretionary spending but bills have to be paid as well as money to savings and retirement.

OP responded:

I DONT have all of that, what I give him is basically half, I don’t keep more, and most of the time I just put my own income back into my business, the only one with a savings and life insurance is my son.

Dude we are 25, we are barely getting life together. When we were quarantined in the pandemic we couldn’t even buy groceries or pay rent we were living in my moms basement for free, so for us to make this switch in three years is huge. We made this decision for him to stay home because it was the best option financially instead of paying for child care.

Business has been getting better and better but we still have a tight budget. We are bound to make mistakes which is why I’ve always made excuses for him. But again I try my best and I was trying to be kind. But I did end up kicking him out. We spoke and it was the only solution.

fongletto said:

What did he take out the other 600$ for? 700$ on shoes for who? himself? everyone? What did you agree about the finances when he agreed to quit his job? Did you decide on how much money you would be giving him to spend on himself or is he just expected to stay at home and be thankful for the food and shelter?

Maybe he was under the mistaken impression that he would be allowed to spend some money once every four months to buy something for himself?

On the face of things it feels like you're NTA, but it's hard to tell without knowing how you decided on compensation for him quitting his job to be a sahd.

And OP responded:

He never said what he spent $600 on but I have a sneaking suspicion it was used to gamble on a game. The $700 was on shoes for all of us but when he took the card to go shopping, I asked him to just get a pair for our son as he was the only one in need of shoes, but he did buy himself and shoes for me as well. My son got three pairs and an outfit and he got one pair and an outfit and I got one pair.

That was just irresponsible, but it was for everyone. And yes when he quit we said $250 spending money for him a week. Sometimes we would go out as a family and the $250 would have been spent that week. If he’s ever in need of groceries or anything he had access to my business card as well.