Someecards Logo
Boyfriend refuses to admit any wrong doing after exposing GF's secrets to family.

Boyfriend refuses to admit any wrong doing after exposing GF's secrets to family.


Trust is the foundation of all good relationships. If you tell your partner a secret, the expectation is that they'll take it with them to the grave or until you break up. On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, one woman wonders if she's being gaslit or has the right to be angry at her boyfriend.

I ask this because sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy or being toxic. I (F25) lost my job last month through a disciplinary process, in which I was accused of something I didn’t do and decided to quit rather than ride it out as I’d been unhappy there for a little while.

This situation was challenging, and I struggled with the transition. I am still ashamed and embarrassed by it all, even though it turned out for the better (I landed a better job with insane benefits after a day and a half of resigning).

I told my partner (M31) that I didn’t want his family to know the circumstances of me leaving my last role - he could tell them I quit under challenging circumstances and that I had to find a new job very quickly, but not all the ins and outs (e.g., she was accused of this, gross misconduct, this is why, etc.)

Okay, this is a red flag.

This morning, it turns out he’s told his mum and brothers everything, despite me asking him not to, and then when I said that wasn’t okay (calmly). He went off at me and accused me of controlling how he spoke to his family, arguing that he thought it'd be okay since it’s been a while.

An even redder flag.

He said since it’s impacted his life too (in that he was staying with me while it happened, and that’s it, no financial, committal, or personal implications on him), it was his experience too, and he’s allowed to decide how he speaks about it.

AITA for feeling upset by this, and am I asking too much?

OP added some edits.

Edit to add context: We’re not married, we’ve only been together for a year, and I’ve only met his family a handful of times, so it hurts that they don’t know me very well and now have a negative impression of me.

RE gross misconduct, I was accused of working for a competitor but have evidence that it wasn’t the case. I chose to resign before the investigation started rather than use that evidence.

I also was on suspension for a total of two days before leaving, and that is what I found embarrassing, along with changing jobs so close to Christmas when I’d discussed an upcoming promotion at my previous role with my friends/family (and mentioned it to my boyfriend’s family), so they’d know leaving was a flash decision.

People on the internet seem to agree that OP is far from toxic.

Aggressive_Cup8452 says:

His mother and brothers are his family. He looks at you as JUST his girlfriend. You had a boundary, but you are JUST a girlfriend, so he feels he can ignore it because you are NOT family.

And he made YOU being let go as HIM going through something. That's like a man saying: this month's menstrual cycle was hard on US. It's just soo many red flags of disrespect still to come. NTA (Not the A**hole). But.. reconsider this guy.

PsychologyAutomatic3 says:

NTA. Your request was not difficult. Now that you know his stance on sharing your personal info against your wishes, you have two options —don’t tell him anything you don’t want him to share, or end the relationship. He sees nothing wrong with what he did, betrayed your confidence, and will do it again. He’s very immature for his age.

diminishingpatience says:

NTA. His lack of respect for you is a concern.

Petuniachihuahua says:

NTA It was not his story to share. He's a disloyal gossip.

You're not in the wrong, OP! These boys ain't loyal!

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2023 Someecards, Inc

Featured Content