'AITA for being upset my BF spent 1.5 hours lost at the spa for our anniversary?'
"AITA for being upset my BF spent 1.5 hours lost at the spa for our anniversary?"
My boyfriend (32M) and I (30F) went to a spa to celebrate our anniversary—but I planned the whole thing. He didn’t do anything for our anniversary, so I took the initiative because I’d been wanting a massage for weeks due to muscle soreness.
I stayed over the night before, and the next morning we made breakfast and hung out. He played video games after eating while I entertained myself. I eventually asked when we were going, and he said we should shower—then he wanted to nap.
It was getting late, and I was hoping to go early to enjoy the spa and get a massage. The whole morning felt like he didn’t even want to go. I had asked days earlier if he wanted me to go with girlfriends instead, but he said he wanted to go with me.
We finally left and accidentally went to the wrong spa location, but it was fine—same type of 24-hour Korean spa. It was my second time and his first. I explained the basics to him. When we checked in, he didn’t ask about massages (even though he knew I wanted one), so I did. They said to come back later to schedule.
We split up for the locker rooms and planned to meet in the co-ed area. I assumed he’d be there before me, but I looked around for him for 20 minutes. I thought maybe he went to the gym, so I checked there. Staff told me to go back to the co-ed area, so I did.
I messaged him, but reception sucked. I ended up napping on the floor hoping he’d show up. After about 1.5 hours, he finally messaged me saying he thought the men’s floor was the spa and didn’t realize there was a co-ed section—despite the signs and me explaining it earlier. I told him I’d been waiting and where to meet me.
When we met up, I asked why he didn’t just ask a staff member. He said he doesn’t like asking people for help. This is a recurring issue. He insisted we go to every spa room together, which I agreed to.
Later we got food, but he said we should share because it was expensive—even though I told him I was covering the whole day. He claimed he was full after a few bites. I wasn’t, but I figured I’d be getting a massage soon anyway.
When I went to the desk, they were fully booked. By then we’d already been there four hours—1.5 of which I spent waiting for him. I told him I was going to the women’s area to shower and use the jacuzzi, and to meet me in the lobby after.
He didn’t check us out, so I ended up paying for myself anyway. The whole time, he kept talking about other random things and acting like everything was fine, which honestly pissed me off even more.
I didn’t feel heard at all. When we got back to his place, I just went to my car and left. He cheerfully said goodbye like he’d see me the next day. I don’t know why, but that felt so off to me—like he either didn’t notice or didn’t care how disappointed I was.
On the way home, I told him how upset I was, and reminded him how much I’d been looking forward to this. He said he didn’t want to talk about it. That’s another recurring issue—he refuses to talk about problems and just shuts down, so I’m left bottling everything up.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Alright I’m just gonna rip off the bandaid and ask; why are you with this dude 😭
OP respectfully leave this man….
One of these "recurring issues" would be bad enough, but taken together they're an entire flotilla of red flags. When are you going to say "enough is enough"??!? NTA.
This guy sucks. You can't go through life avoiding any and every uncomfortable situation or feeling. That's how you go absolutely nowhere. He's selfish, and acting like a child. Dump the dead weight and you'll feel better, I promise! Go to the spa with your gf's to celebrate (they'll likely be celebrating too).
He didn’t let you go without him then sabotaged you getting the massage and relaxation you needed then just didn’t care BECAUSE he doesn’t care.
It sounds like your bf doesn’t respect you or even like you.
Why is this a pattern with guys that I keep reading/hearing about? And I’m sure girls do too, just not seeing it. They literally do the bare minimum, while their partner is doing 90% of the relationship and they expect to be rewarded for their behavior.
I was so worn out emotionally reading this. You deserve better. Please realize this person does not respect you, does not love you, and is only with you because it’s convenient and easy for them.
He seems like he didn’t put in much effort for your anniversary but it also seems like you were getting mad about a few things you don’t need to be. You knew the protocols because you had been there before, you were the one that wanted a massage- why are you mad you had to ask instead of him?
If he had eaten most of it or demanded you get something he likes but you don’t, I can understanding being upset about the food- but he only had a few bites so it sounds like you still got plenty?
The massages being booked is kind of on you. I’m assuming you could have gone to the desk and scheduled a time at any point in the 4 hours you were there. Like right before you ate or during your 1.5 hour nap. You told him you were covering the whole day but then got mad he didn’t check you out and you had to pay for yourself?
You’re mad he talked about random things while you were hanging out? Had you told him you were upset yet or just expected him to pick up on it? He definitely didn’t go out of his way to make the day special but not all your anger seems to be justified (some definitely is though)