'Am I overreacting because my BF wants to write off my mortgage on his taxes?'
"Am I overreacting because my BF wants to write off my mortgage on his taxes?"
I (47f) bought a house about 10 years ago in Washington. I paid $230,000 for it. After living in it for 5 years, I decided I wanted to move to Idaho. I put new floors, new countertops, new bathrooms, and redid the landscaping.
I turned around and sold it for $407,000. I found a house I fell in love with in Idaho and bought it for $400,000. I put $160,000 down on my new house. I am a commercial insurance agent. I make about $6k/month take home.
My mortgage is $1500/mo. After about 4 years of living here, in Idaho, I met my current BF. When we first got together, he lived at his friends house. He didn't make much money, but he had a decent job working for an electrician company.
He wanted to move in after we were together for 6 months. It was better for him and his son. I provide a room for his son, and I pay almost all the bills since he moved in. Eventually he quit his job to go do door to door sales, for 5 months, because his friend sold him inflated promises.
I told him it was a scam, he didn't listen to me and went anyway. Aaannd guess what...It turned out to be a scam. He lost thousands on travel costs, and expenses. He came back from sales dead broke.
He decided to open his own company doing renovations and landscaping. He still hasn't made much and I am still paying most of the bills. Including his dental insurance, a tire bill he accrued, his half of a hot tub we were supposed to be paying for together, and an expensive gym membership we are supposed to be paying together.
Recently, he came to me and said that he wants me to start giving him the money I put toward my mortgage, so that he can pay it out of his bank account and use my mortgage as a write off.
I don't know why, but I feel very offended that he wants to use my house and the mortgage I pay as a write off. He truly has no idea why this would be offensive to me. He keeps saying it will save "US" money.
Can someone help me understand this? Am I just too sensitive? Will this help us or will he most likely be the only one benefitting from doing something like this?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You need a new bf, like now!!
Why on earth are so many women allowing losers to take over their lives, their homes, their finances? This guy is a series of red flags, he’s cost the OP so much money already, and now he’s trying to hook her into his criminal scheme. I hope she ditches his loser ass.
Edit to add: I just saw a comment from her where she says she’s not “allowed” to have male coworkers or dentists, he put cameras throughout HER house when he travelled. He controls her phone use as well.
Hell no and don't do it. What he's proposing is tax fraud.
Your house. Your money. He can fix his own financial mess. Maybe start paying you rent. Since you are providing housing for him & his child. His partnership is that of a parasite. Do not benefit you as a couple. Your not legally bound to him. Pay attention to that.
Jesus why is this bum still in your house. He's going to use your money to claim he was paying for the house down the line to try and steal your equity. You're under-reacting.
Yes, it’s tax fraud and he will probably pocket the money. You really should evaluate your relationship with this dishonest man.
Exactly. I’m stuck on the fact that he’s already not pulling his weight financially, and now he wants to funnel her mortgage through his account for a “write off”? That’s not how that works. At best it’s shady, at worst it’s fraud. Either way, she’s taking all the risk here.
girl leave him….. he is mooching off of you.
No, no, and NO! Not over-reacting! Do not go along with this. If you ever break up he'll be able to show his bank statements that make it look like he was paying your mortgage. He also could possibly use this to take bank loans that he can't pay. If you go along with this you could be setting yourself up to lose your home.
He's already shown you he can't be trusted with money, he doesn't hold up his end of an agreement. This arrangement has absolutely no benefit for you whatsoever. Someone who loves you doesn't try to set you up like this.
I hate to say it, but he probably saw you as an easy mark. What do you know about his past relationships? What’s your dynamic generally like? From your brief post I get the impression that he’s probably pushy and talks you into things that you wouldn’t normally consider, or that make you uncomfortable.
Doing this would really be a horrendous mistake. Don’t even consider it and give him a firm NO.
Which is a complete sentence, by the way.
Former-North6569 (OP)
You hit the nail on the head actually. He is VERY posessive. He quite literally freaks out if I evem touch my phone. I'm not allowed to go to dr's appointments without him on speaker or in headphones. I am not allowed to have a male dr., dentist, chiropractor, or male co workers.
When he DID leave for 5 months on his sales job, he put a camera in almost every room. Living room, my bedroom, garage, backyard and front yard. He goes through my phone.
He accuses me of lying and cheating almost every day...like he is trying to catch me doing something. TBH...I am an attractive woman, with a great job, and lots of stability. I wish I knew why I was putting myself through this BS. He's been a money pit, and he has caused me a lot of PTSD. I wish I knew how to just end it and be done with it all.
This has officially gone from "get this loser out of your life" to "girl you are in danger. Very carefully get this man out of your home immediately".