'AITA for telling my male BFF that I am done reassuring his jealous GF about our relationship?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my best guy friend that I don’t want to constantly reassure his girlfriend about our friendship being platonic?"

I (26f) have a best guy friend who we will call Rob (27f) who just started dating a very immature, borderline psychotic girl (23f). This post is just one of the reasons why I don’t like her, but I won’t get into the variety of reasons I dislike her. Rob and I have been friends for 21 years.

We got especially close after his brother died from an OD a few years ago. He is my daughter’s godfather and one of my closest friends. I need to stress things are VERY platonic on both ends. Nothing even remotely romantic has ever happened. I like hanging out with him because he knows all of my trauma and isn’t judgmental. Our hangouts really help me destress and brings me a lot of joy.

Rob met Julie last month, so they’ve known each other for a little over a month. They basically immediately started being “official”. He introduced us on their third date, one week after meeting, and I really liked her. She is fun, likes the same stuff we do, and fit in with our group really well. But every time we hung out she would corner me and question me about Rob.

She would ask super inappropriate questions about his family - just like ridiculous stuff that is none of my business and she should talk to him about. She also thought he was going to cheat on her at every possible opportunity. Rob is a great guy and his morals are very important to him and he absolutely would never.

I entertained her insecurity for a while but it started to get to the point where every time I saw her she needed confirmation that Rob wasn’t cheating. These types of convos happened at least 5 times in person and several times over text.

A few days ago, in the middle of dinner (and AT THE TABLE) she called me and asked if we had something going on. I interpreted it as “are we having a fight” and I was like no, why is he mad at me? Apparently he had called her my name during an argument and they had been fighting about it for 2 days.

She told me she was verbally abusing him, cussing him out trying to figure out if we were screwing around and this was her last attempt to get the truth. I again reassured her that nothing was going on and told her I was busy with my young baby (!!).

The next day, Rob calls me to ask about the call. I told him she has been making me very uncomfortable and I no longer want to be in the middle of their relationship. If she has an issue, she needs to talk to him about it. He told me she’s very sensitive and I need to make sure she feels welcome.

I told him it was not my job, I did welcome her, I did accept her into our group, i coddled this immature girl for 2 weeks before I finally gave up. He told me I was an a$$hole for not caring about her feelings and I just said I was done talking about it.

Since that call, he hasn’t spoken to me. I’m feeling very sad about it because I miss my friend, but at the same time should I be expected to reassure his gf every time we hang out?? AITA for how I handled this?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Luuustar said:

NTA. Set your boundaries now with the girlfriend and maybe even your best friend for calling you an asshole. You have a baby to take care of and it isn't someone else's insecure girlfriend.

Old-Order589 said:

NTA. You haven't done anything wrong.

Fire_or_water_kai said:

NTA. Like you said, it's not your job to make her feel secure. You tried to be welcoming, and she's making you uncomfortable. It's sad that your friend isn't offended that she thinks he's cheating and that she goes and harassed his best friend. The world doesn't revolve around her, but he's trying to force you into whatever world they exist in.

He has a lot to work on in terms of himself, and it's not something you can help with. He's going to end up very isolated if he continues with her under these conditions.

[deleted] said:

NTA. It's not your job to reassure her. Your friend shouldn't be calling you an AH for something that's not your problem. Also, given the girl insecurities, she might make him cut ties with you. So, don't have high hopes of keeping your friendship.

OP responded:

This is what I’m most afraid of.. 21 years for a one month relationship. It’s so sad but I guess his choice to make.

gramsknows said:

You don’t have to like his gf but you need to realize that he may not continue to be as close to you since she is insecure. That’s his choice and doesn’t mean it right but it is something you may have to get use to. A lot of friendships are not as close as they use to be when the friend gets into a relationship. Especially if the significant other doesn’t like the friend.

And OP responded:

Which is 100% fine, I fully expected that! I just don’t want to get random phone calls about their drama and be expected to handle her 🥲

A few weeks later, she shared this update:

Well.. y’all were right. Rob blocked me on everything. Not just me, but also our two other female friends. He didn’t even send a text explaining he was blocking me, I just noticed my texts weren’t delivering, then noticed I was blocked on snap, IG, Facebook, etc. He still hasn’t said a word to me.

He did talk to one of the guys in our friend group (who Julie told me she did not like) and said he would be sending me an explanation sometime today when he “finds his words”. His girlfriend did give him an ultimatum - us or her. I just blocked him on everything too.

If you don’t respect me enough to let me know you are removing me from your life, you don’t get to find closure by getting the last word in. I know the next move will be his male friends because she’s already planted the seeds of “[friend] is a toxic guy!!” In his head.

Our larger friend group (15+ people) is understandably upset and worried he is in an abusive relationship. I believe he is, but there is nothing I can do or say to change anything. All it does is cause me emotional trauma and I’m done. WHEN they break up, I will not be here to be his shoulder to cry on.

A lot of people may disagree with that, but he showed me just how little he values me by blocking me with no explanation. I respect myself too much to be treated like that and give him a free pass. Wish it was a better update. Today I’m eating junk food and crying because it feels like I’m grieving the death of a friend.