Someecards Logo
'AITA for refusing to cover my scar and wearing a bikini as it triggered my friend?'

'AITA for refusing to cover my scar and wearing a bikini as it triggered my friend?'


"AITA for refusing to cover my scar and wearing a bikini as it triggered my friend?"


I 24f had a cancer scare a few years back and had a biopsy done on my upper leg. The scar has faded now, but it is still fairly noticeable and about 7cm long. Thankfully, it was only a scare and nothing came of it.

For a while, I was insecure about it and stopped wearing skirts or tight leggings where you could see the outline of the scar, but now that I’m accepted it’s going to be there, I started to wear whatever and realised nobody cares about it apart from the odd question.

We went to the beach yesterday as a friend group and I wore a bikini. I was excited to get a tan and my friend Anna brought her other friend Dana 25f. I have met her before but don’t know her very well, however I do know she started a fundraiser for her mom who is fighting cancer right now.

Dana’s family situation is quite difficult as her dad passed away recently and her mom has stage 4 and Dana is juggling a lot. I came earlier than Anna and Dana so I was already in my bikini when they joined us and Dana was nice to me and asked about my new job.

Then Anna went to say hi to the others and Dana mentioned my scar and recognised it was a biopsy. She asked if I could wear a beach cover up and it was triggering to her and insensitive of me as I know her mum is going through it right now. I said no I’m here to get a tan and the cover up will ruin that and Dana didn’t say anything but didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day.

Today Anna texted me telling me Dana told her what happened and while she agrees Dana’s comment was weird, I should have given her a free pass as she is not in the best place mentally right now.

I said it was really weird and no I wouldn’t. I genuinely don’t think I am in the wrong and think she’s being really weird about the situation. Obviously if I am in the wrong I will apologise.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


NTA at all. While I feel for her and what she’s going through, it is absolutely not ok to ask some to put a coverup on due to a scar. If someone has a trigger, it is their responsibility to handle it, not everyone else’s to change for them. You’re at the beach, it is completely acceptable that you wear your bikini. And good for you for not letting your scar deter you from what you want to do!


Also, people need to stop misusing the word "trigger". Trigger is a real term used in the psychology world, and is closer to a PTSD response instead of feeling slightly sad. If Dana truly was "triggered", then she would have shut down fully, but instead she's just being moody.


Not necessarily. I have PTSD and sometimes triggers do their damage later, like when I am asleep and have dreams.


That's a good point. But what I'm trying to get at is a lot of people use "triggered" to mean "have an emotional response", but being triggered is very different from a normal response mechanism. I have friends with triggers, and it sucks when I see them have to process the reaction when it's outside of their control.

When people misuse "trigger", they remove the importance of the word to people with real triggers. Maybe Dana is actually having a trigger, or maybe she's just sad, but too many people misuse "trigger" these days as a way to get attention when they don't have any.


NTA. You weren't shoving your scar in her face. She didn't have to be looking at it. It was unreasonable for her to ask you to cover it up.


NTA. Her triggers are hers to manage, your body your choice and also you should feel comfortable and wear what you like. She may not be in the best place mentally right now so I do hope she will realise that what she did is immature, not sure what to think of your other friend though.


NTA whatsoever. Expecting someone else to adjust their appearance because she feels "triggered" is not how the world works. She needs to toughen up. Sure she's going through some serious stuff, but who isn't? It's not a free pass. If anything she should feel more sympathetic to your scarring.


NTA - you had a cancer scare and that’s why you have a scar, her asking you to cover up is weird and like she’s saying only her family matters when it comes to the effects of cancer. Would she ask someone going through cancer treatment to cover up? If someone is bald does she ask them to hide it because it’s “triggering”? She doesn’t get a free pass just because her life is tough right now.


NTA. Your friend Dana is full of crap to be triggered over a scar. She must live a really sheltered life, or is just looking to start drama to make herself feel better.


NTA. People with triggers are responsible for protecting themselves from those triggers. You bear exactly ZERO responsibility for shielding them. Don’t like squirrels? Stay outta the woods, the forest doesn’t have to close.

Don’t like dogs? Don’t go to dog parks, the park doesn’t have to close. Don’t like cancer scars? Don’t go to a place where people wear revealing swimwear. But no one at the beach is beholden AT ALL for catering to you. So again, if you have triggers, that means YOU have a responsibility to avoid them. The world at large does not acquire any new responsibilities.

So, do you think the OP did anything wrong here? Do you have any advice to give if this continues to be an issue with their friend?

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

Featured Content