'AITA for asking my biological mother why I'd help her and her kids?'
"AITA for asking my biological mother why I'd help her and her kids?"
Patient-Bite1647
My biological mother didn't raise me. She let my dad raise me for the first two years on his own and then he passed away and my maternal grandparents took custody of me like my dad wanted and my grandparents became my parents but raised me to know about the loving dad I had.
My grandparents were amazing and I feel lucky that they also loved my dad and respected him enough, despite him not being their son, to make sure I did grow up knowing he had wanted me even though their daughter/my biological mother didn't.
I lost both my grandparents in the last four years. Grandpa died four years ago when I (21M) was 17 and grandma died eight months ago. I inherited the most from my grandparents.
My aunts and uncles all inherited a small portion of their estate, my biological mother got smallest amount they could get away with giving her (which was like $5 lol). But I got the family home because I still lived here with grandma and I got a sizable amount of money.
After my grandparents died my aunts and uncles got closer to my biological mother again and they became a family again and met her husband and kids. I wasn't a part of that. I have zero desire to know this woman or her family. She was never my mom. Nothing will change that.
A coupe of months ago she reached out and told me she and her family were struggling and asked for money. I ignored her and asked my aunts and uncles how she found me and they admitted they passed my info along. I told them I didn't like that. They said she's family whether I like it or not and at least I should be interested in helping her kids because they're my siblings.
She asked for money again after that but I still didn't reply. Then last week she contacted me again and said they needed a place to stay and she and her kids really needed my help. I asked her why I would help her and her kids when they're nothing but strangers to me. I told her to stop expecting me to take care of her.
She called me names. Then she told my aunts and uncles and they went crazy on me. They said she's "still my mom" and I said she was a biological mother, a birth mother, but not a mom when it concerned me.
They told me she was still my mom and her kids were my siblings and I should be there for them if not for her. They told me I shouldn't be a monster to them when I could help them.
I told them if they wanted a relationship they could help her. They told me my question was meant to be nasty and nothing else. I was also told she was young when she had me and I should understand better... she was 25. She wasn't a teenager. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
goldenfingernails
NTA. Arrrrggggg! I absolutely hate it when people play the "they're family" card and you are expected to forgive all their transgressions because of it. I will say that your siblings are innocent of any of this but your mom is a real piece of work and she's getting all of her siblings (I'm assuming your aunts and uncles are her siblings) to pile on you and guilt you.
She made her choices. Her choices put her in an uncomfortable position. This is not on you to bail her out. You are correct, they can help her with the inheritance they got from their mom. This isn't on you OP.
Patient-Bite1647 OP responded:
Yes, the aunts and uncles in question are her siblings and the other kids of the grandparents who raised me. I grew up knowing them and my cousins. So it sucks to basically lose all my family right after I lose my grandparents.
But that's basically what's happening here because I don't want to know her and while innocent, her kids aren't really anything to me. But I know my aunts and uncles are on her side and think I'm a monster so not really seeing any hope for the future relationship between us.
FitOrFat-1999
Monster, huh? Well, bio-mother and her siblings are leeches. She's not your mom, you were basically given up for adoption and you wouldn't be hearing from her if you didn't have a sizeable inheritance. She's not interested on you as a person, just what she can get. Tell your relatives to f off and pay her bills themselves.
Patient-Bite1647 OP responded:
Yep and what my biological mother said was even worse. The stuff she called me showed her level of distain for me. It's actually crazy. It did hurt to realize I had lost aunts and uncles too but I know I'll be okay even without any family. I might even be better without people who'll put this kind of pressure on me.
Swedishpunsch
Your mother was expecting an inheritance, and didn't get one. This is what she is after, OP. Don't give her a penny. Check all of your accounts, credit cards, and credit rating, OP. When you don't give in she may decide to help herself to your funds. You might even want to freeze your credit. NTA.
Reasonable-Bad-769
NTA. You'll notice the aunts and uncles didn't pull this crap when your grandparents were alive. Your grandparents left you the house and funds for a reason. That should be respected. I'd block your bio Mom and any relative that continues to disrespect you and your grandparents.
CaseyDanoClark
NTA If her parents wanted her to have any more money they would have given it to her in their will. Ignore the white noise from her side of the family.