When this bride to be is livid with her fiance, she asks Reddit:
My, F24, fiance M25 comes from a wealthy family, unlike me. His family can be a bit obssessed over looks and status.
He's the only child so his parents spoil him all the time. They got him 2 cars (one at 18 & one at 23 after he graduated) they also bought him the apartment we live in etc.
He told me once that his mom thinks I should consider wearing brand clothes and makeup especially when attending their family functions where important people are present.
He said he'd pay for everything but I have a specific style/brand and I'm comfortable with it but put aside couple outfits to wear when visiting.
For his birthdays they do exaggerate with their celebration and for his 25th birthday they reserved a restaurant for the occassion and sent out invitations.
I heard that inside theory invitations they included a list of acceptable/expensive gifts to bring. His mom sent me one which had me like WTF?
I called her and she apologitically said 'well, he REALLY wants this, he will be disappointed if he doesn’t get this”. I told her really it's between him and I. I decided to gift him a handmade gift which was floral frame for our future wedding photo to put on the counter.
He said his parents won't be happy and wilk think I'n being cheap. he offered to get a pair of expensive NIKE shoes and all I had to do is act like I got it for him infront of his parents to get them off our back. I refused and said this is my gift and I won't pretend.
At the party and when he was opening gifts I found out that he opened some box and pulled out NIKE shoes and acted thrilled while thanking me for getting them for him. I was confused I said this wasn't my gift and started looking for it among the other gifts.
I asked where he put the floral frame and he acted dumb. I got so mad I told him infront of his parenta that he shouldn't have lied about what I originally gifted him and that if he was ashamed of it then I will be keeping it.
His family amd friends were staring silently. hia mom tried to follow ms outside but I got into an Uber and left.
He texted me and was livid saying he was just trying to protect me from his family's criticizm about the handmade gift I was planning to give him and said I could've played along and got this over with, instead I exposed him when he was just trying to get his family to understand that I'm not being cheap.
I went to stay with a friend and haven't spoken to him yet after this. I did tell him about how his family is behaving and he agrees they can be a bit shallow sometimes but he also said he's nothing without them and can not be arguing with them after all they've done for him.
I feel like I disrupted his birthday with how I reacted when I could've waited another time and just swallwed this pill. AITA?
YTA. It’s so funny to me that she’s so disgusted by his parents and their lifestyle, but is presumably reaping the rewards from their lifestyle, ie boyfriend’s cars and apartment.
nothepanda makes this point:
ESH - you seem to have a very clear “this is what I will want to give him and he better like it” sort of mentality and he clearly has lots of issues with external appearance and validation.
I think the fact that he is so materialistic kind of makes you double down to “not be that kind of person”. Given that it is his party, it is his parents and it’s “his time”, I would expect that in a relationship you give a little and compromise on that.
He DEFINITELY should have talked about it first but maybe this is a communication issue. Have you been hearing him out? If he likes materialistic things and that is his love language then so be it.
Not everyone will like the manner in which you show affection, it’s about compromise and giving them what they want but also while respecting what you need. You two need to have a serious talk about how to properly care for each other.