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Bisexual woman divorces husband for refusing to accept that her ex was a man. AITA?

Bisexual woman divorces husband for refusing to accept that her ex was a man. AITA?

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"AITA for divorcing my husband because he can’t accept that I was with another guy before him?"

So I (27F) am married to my husband Spencer (28M) for 2 years but been together for 6 years total. We don’t have kids. I have known Spencer since elementary school. We have had a loving relationship from the beginning. But now he is destroying it with his insecurity, after discovering I was with another guy before him.

So he knows I am bisexual. I had dated girls most of high school, until graduation I slept with my best friend Maven (26F) cousin Thomas. He was 16 and I was 18, when we slept together, He was the only guy I was with. We dated a bit, but it didn’t go anywhere.

I did dated my last ex girlfriend from 18-20, in college. We broken up, then I got with Spencer. We have been together since. Spencer knew I dated girls. In high school and in college. But we really never talked about our past relationships and flings. But Spencer, slept with half the girls I know in high school and slept with many in college.

The thing with me is, I don’t care for past relationships. It doesn’t bother me. I’m not a jealous person. Spencer didn’t show any signs at all of being jealous. When Spencer and I went to go see our friends. Maven my best friend was there. We were at a Spencer's best friends house, we were all drinking. It was fun, we watched a bit of movies and the topic of hook ups came up.

Everyone was talking about body counts, and past relationships. Spencer did talk about how many girls he slept with to his best friend Ace. Then he boost how he was the only guy that I slept with. Maven did cut him off and told him while giggling “You mean second.” Spencer was confused, and asked me if it was true and with who.

I did say yes and with Thomas. He just got quiet after that. The whole time there, he wasn’t interacting with anyone that much. Was only on his phone. I did try talking to him. But he either not hear me or say one worded answers. When we got home. He snapped at me and told me, I was a wh$re for letting a guy touch me. How he thought he was the only one.

I just started crying, I told him that we never talked about our past relationships that much. It was even before we got together. He was dating another girl, when I even got with Thomas. That was years ago. Why is he mad now about it? He proceeded to call me so many names and how I was gross, if he was better. I just didn’t answer him, and went to our room and locked it. He slept on the couch, and did tell me the next day he was sorry and drunk. I did forgive him.

I thought we got over it, but when we are intimate, he will always ask if Thomas was better. For EVERYTHING. It was getting tiring, I told him to stop asking me this and reassured him. That he was the best thing to happen to me. He did stop, and things went back to normal.

Till I got a text and screen shots from Thomas, who I haven’t spoken too in years. The last time we broken up. I was confused and saw the screen shots of my husband. Threatening Thomas, saying he was gonna kill him. That he wished he was dead. Everything awful. Now Thomas is married and has kids. So I am not sure where Spencer think he was going to get out of Thomas. I did apologize to Thomas and told him, I had no idea this was happening.

But Thomas told me to keep my husband under a leash and proceeded to block me. I was just furious, I confronted Spencer. We got into a huge argument. I told him I was divorcing him. He started crying and begged me not to go. But I left and staying with one of my girl friends place. I’m done with his bullsh$t.

His friends are harassing me and calling me a whore and a liar. His family is asking me to come back. But I just can’t. He has put so much stress over something that had nothing to do with him. Years before we got together! AITA if I proceed with the divorce?

EDIT:

To everyone thinking I was a virgin and lost it to Thomas. No I lost my virginity to my first girlfriend in high school. Thomas was a virgin, not me. So I am sorry if I got everyone confused.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Freeverse711 said:

NTA. Um, he called you a wh%re? That’s not really something you move past. Your husband is a massive hypocrite. Stick to your guns on divorce, the way he acted is straight up crazy.

RealHumanFromEarth said:

NTA, your husband has some serious psychological problems, and based on what you described he sounds potentially dangerous.

Upbeat_Orchid2742 said:

NTA. He’s jealous of a teenager who slept with you. To be worried about how much better a 16 year old was than him in bed is a really sad side effect of his insecurities. It’s a shame he couldn’t just communicate that or internalize it and work on himself. Instead he turned to threatening some random man living his life. Someone else said it.. that’s unstable and sad. Hopefully he can reflect and learn from this reaction. Good on you for not tolerating or reinforcing that behavior.

Anisaxxx said:

Do Spencer and his friends know what the definition of a wh#re is? So it’s okay for him to have slept with a ton of women and when you sleep with one guy, it’s a problem? Insecurity is one thing, but your husband sounds completely unhinged. NTA. Divorce this manchild.

GaidinDaishan said:

NTA. Your husband is the kind of toxic man who still lives in the stone age. Leave him, divorce him, do what you can. He won't stop because he thinks his own past of wh$ring around is acceptable but your one other time with another guy is taboo. He probably thinks he was the one who turned you "straight."

Heartloverx said:

NTA I feel like you would’ve been honest with him before if he had asked but he just assumed you hadn’t been with a guy.The hypocrisy is crazy how can he expect you to never be with a guy but he can sleep with many girls and date them.I can understand why he’d be upset when finding out he wasn’t the first guy but calling you names and then sending threats to a guy that is married is actually crazy.If he’s the one you’ll find your way back but it’s good that you chose to get out of that toxic environment.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this hopefully soon-to-be ex couple?

Sources: Reddit
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