'AITA for intentionally blindsiding my pregnant roommate to avoid a confrontation?'

"AITA for intentionally blindsiding my pregnant roommate to avoid a confrontation?"

I have been living with my roommate, Holly, for almost 1.5 years. Holly wasn't a good roommate. I was doing most of the chores. I didn't like her much but she seemed to think that I was a really good friend of hers. Anytime I tried to talk to her, she would either deflect or give excuses. She told me once that it was my fault because I do it better than her and she is now not used to doing chores.

6 months ago, she told me that she got pregnant. I was covering half of her rent too because she didn't have any money. I wanted to ask her to move out but again, she would say something, or give excuses or start crying and I would back off.

Few months later, situation is got worse for her. Quit her job. Couldn't find another. We were speaking one day and she told me how lucky she felt having a friend like me. She thanked me for being so nice about the rent and the food and she also told me she is not feeling scared about being a single mom as I would be there to help her.

I freaked out hard. Helping out a person when they are in a spot is one thing. But it was clear that she was expecting me to help her even after the baby was born. I didn't want that. Another month passed by. I was making plans to leave. Me and my friend found an apartment to share.

On Sept 3, when she wasn't at home, I moved all my things to my new apartment. Since most of the things outside her room was mine, the apartment was pretty bare when I left.

I called my landlord and informed him that I won't be renewing my lease which was ending at the end of Sept. He promised to return my security deposit in full at the end of the month. After that I left a message to Holly that I have moved out and she has to talk to the landlord about her situation from next month.

To be clear, I paid my share of the rent for this month to the landlord and told him to ask Holly about the rest and about making a new lease/new security deposit. I refused to attend anymore calls from her. Bottom line is I left a 8-9(?) months pregnant woman who was depending on me for many things (like rent, food etc) on her own while she was jobless.

She left me multiple voicemails and telling me how I should have talked to her and at least given a heads up instead of just moving out. She told me that she is struggling a lot and she is about to give birth soon and that I need to help her. She is saying that it's sh!tty of me to help her so much and then abandon her. She told me that she wants to meet me and explain things. She thinks that talking to her would make me move back.

I refused to respond. All my friends have conflicted opinions. Some think I could have just talked to her and resolved it. Some think that I should have at least given her a heads up. Some think I should move back in. Many think that it's not my fault at all.

Again, she has one month to figure things out with the landlord before the lease ends. I didn't talk to her because it never worked in the past and I didn't wanna be guilt tripped out of moving. Here for unbiased opinions. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

pretent_its_witty said:

NTA. Because she is intentionally gaslighting(?) you. There is clearly some victim blaming/emotional manipulations going in here, even if it's small. "It's your fault I am not able to pay rent/do chores. You do it better than me. You kept doing it, so it's your fault that I am not able to do now".

You tried to talk to her. You tried to get her to do chores. Didn't work. You tried to talk about paying rent properly. Didn't work. Each time she pulled some emotional manipulation (crying/deflecting/gaslighting). So, you didn't have any reason to think that talking would work.

You could have given her a notice to move out when she couldn't pay rent. Instead, you helped her. Even now, she has one month to figure things out with the landlord (which is the standard notice period).

Warning her would have been the nice thing to do, but it sounds like she would have again tried to manipulate you into staying. It isn't your fault or responsibilty, OP. You were more than nice. She is just a mooch and a horribly entitled one at that. Don't worry about this any more.

Edit to OP: Hey OP. I understand that you don't like confrontations. But setting boundaries, standing up for yourself, saying no, identifying when people are taking advantage of you are incredibly important life skills. While it worked out this time for you, it always may not. I strongly suggest that you work on how to assert yourself better.

saltygreenmermaid said:

ESH. Yes, she was taking advantage of you and that makes her an asshole. But you went low when you could have gone high here and at least have given her a heads up about it. And left her in a serious bind. You had the opportunity to remove yourself from the situation and still be the bigger person, but you chose to screw her over on your way out.

VivaVeronica said:

...of course YTA. You were super nice and supportive for a year and a half, and then ghosted in the night? Like, a basic conversation about your feelings, or hell, just your plans, would have been reasonable. Is she supposed to read your mind?

And iwillsitonyou123 said:

ESH. She was coasting by on your generosity, which is wrong. But what you did was also really shitty. Especially since you pretty much left her one month to sort out a new living situation while she might give birth at any moment. I'm not saying that you needed to help her figure it all out, but that an extra month's heads-up before the lease was up probably would have been a kinder thing to do.

Who do you agree with?