'AITA for blocking my ex after she broke up with me?' UPDATED
"AITA for blocking my ex after she broke up with me?"
Commercial-Yak-3422
I made this account today because my sister and parents are acting like I'm in the wrong and I genuinely don't see how. My (19M) ex-girlfriend (20F) of 3 years broke up with me Sunday night over text.
She told me that she felt like my lack of ambition was holding her back and she needed to move on with her life because she felt like I didn't value her. When she sent me that I just sent "Okay" and blocked her and fell asleep shortly after.
I did not block her friends and had loads of messages yesterday morning when I woke up. They were asking me to unblock her and to talk to her. My sister (20F) is also friends with my ex-girlfriend and she told me that my ex was hurt by my sudden blocking and that she still wanted to talk to me for closure and wanted to make sure I was okay.
I told my sister that I was okay and that I didn't want to talk to my ex but would like it if she could tell her I appreciate her checking on me. My sister was not happy with this and told me that it was a hard decision for my ex and she just wants to talk to me. I again told her I was fine and that I'd rather not.
My sister then told me that I'm acting "insanely calm" for being broken up with by someone I was with for three years. I again told her I was fine. She asked me if I cried and I told her that I didn't and I just fell asleep listening to music.
My sister told me that she's concerned about my "lack of emotion" and told me that my behavior isn't normal. I told her that I'm not obligated to cry over anything and I think it's weird that she was acting like I was.
My sister once again told me that it wouldn't hurt to have one conversation with my ex because she was still "worried" about me and wanted to stay friends. I once again told her that I was fine and didn't want to talk to her. She told me that my lack of compassion is "psychotic". That peeved me, so I just started ignoring her and she eventually left me alone.
This morning, when I woke up, my sister sent me a bunch of text messages again so I just blocked her and, because of this, she went and told our parents and they are upset with me for blocking my ex without communicating first. They said that we've been together long enough and they thought of her as a second daughter.
I was just aggravated at this point and told them that I'd appreciate if they mind their own business, but they didn't stop. So, I told them that I wouldn't hesitate to block them too if they continued, which caused them to stop.
They apologized to me and told me that they didn't mean any harm but just felt like it was a little "inconsiderate" of me to just block her with out talking about it first but they won't press me to talk to her if I don't want too.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
antipowerabusefumod
Nobody putting the point that she broke up via fucking text, a 3 year relationship? Wtfffff
Unlucky-Start1343
And then everyone claims the recipient of the text is an A H? That is crazy. I have the feeling GF didn't want to break up but rather have OP up himself to whatever she deems good enough. His sisters reaction is strange as well, to invested in this drama that isn't one.
MidiReader
I’m guessing ex and sister cooked this up to ‘fight for us’ or trick him into something.
ExcitingTabletop
Ayep. She's furious she's not getting any validation from OP. No begging, no pleading. Ignoring her is absolutely the best thing OP could do. And yeah, sister absolutely was part of the discussion. OP needs to talk to his parents about that part. That shit should not fly.
Laiko_Kairen
Are you kidding? She says she doesn't want to date you and then is mad when you cut contact? She can't have it both ways. She dumped you. She chose to end it. She's the worst for making her inability to deal with her emotions about the breakup your problem. Like why should you babysit her emotions when she dumped you?
The OP responded here:
Commercial-Yak-3422
Thank you!! I don't understand why everyone was making it seem like I was in the wrong when I wasn't even the one who broke up with her.
ClevelandWomble
It was a strategic dumping. A wake-up call. Your sister may even have been in on it. On second thought, make that probably. You were supposed to realize what you were about to lose and get your act together. Then you'd all live happily ever after; except you, because your SO would threaten to dump you every time you didn't comply.
By accepting it and not following their script, you fucked up the narrative and left your ex hanging with no plan b. The 'closure' was code for you begging for a second chance if you agreed to straighten up, and your ex graciously agreeing. Nice body swerve there. Your ex and possibly your sister seem to be playing stupid games and you are well out of it.
12 days later, the OP returned with an update:
Commercial-Yak-3422
This happened exactly a week ago. So I apologize for not updating. I genuinely was not thinking about this at the time. Basically, my ex showed up at my parents' house during Easter with my sister. My parents and I weren't even made aware that she was coming. She told us that she only came because she had no other way to communicate with me.
She told me that she was extremely hurt by me blocking her right off the bat because it made her feel like I actually didn't care about her at all. She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her? I was confused by this, to be honest.
I told her that she said I was holding her back and she needed to move on. If anyone else told me that I was holding them back in life, I probably would've blocked them too. I told her that even if she didn't say that, I still wouldn't have begged her to stay. We kinda talked a little more after that, and then she got my sister to take her back home.
When my sister came back, she was mad at me again because she said that I caused my ex to cry and I'm simply punishing her for caring about me. My parents are mad at my sister though, because they said it was unnecessary for her to do that at their house. It made the atmosphere awkward for everyone.
Other than that I've really just been chilling. I don't think I'm going to try and date anybody else soon tho, or at least not someone my sister is friends with because it makes me uncomfortable how much she's invested in my life.
Here's what people had to say after the udpate:
BeautifulPhantom1
NTA, she broke up with you, she has no reasonable way to expect that you would continue to follow her around like a lost puppy. Showing up at your parents' house to talk to you after you blocked her is stalker behavior, so she made herself cry when it didn't turn out like she wanted.
Dewhickey76
This girl over played her hand. What she THOUGHT was that OP would beg her to stay and ask what he could change about himself to improve. Instead OP was like, cool peace out.
Prize_Fox_9163
I don't understand OOP's parents. Their almost-daughter broke up with their real son BY TEXT on Sunday and they're mad with him and not her because... He didn't talk to her!! Wtf, what's wrong with them? Sorry, mom and dad, it was her, not him!
And the sister... I'd bet my money all of this happened because of her. She "advised" the ex to break up so OP would chase her and swear his undying love for her and would do anything in his hands to win her back. Some HS bs drama. And when she realized she screwed it up, she tried to fix it by... Harassing his brother. She's a champ.
jbarneswilson
the sister’s level of involvement with this is super weird! also, the gf initiating the breakup in the hopes he would fight for her? is manipulative AT BEST. why tf would everyone push him to stay with someone who plays childish games? wtaf.
Electronic_Goose3894
She actually thought it was appropriate to come to your folks' place to confront you about not chasing after her during Easter? She's certainly a special kind of something. As for your sister, tell the busy body to date her if she wants to be that far up her business but you don't need the dog and pony show anymore.