"AITA for blocking my BF's ex on his phone?"
I 20F and my boyfriend (who we will call Liam) 21M have been together for a few months now and the relationship has gotten serious, but he’s been acting suspicious for a while, he won’t leave his phone alone with me in the room and removed my face ID from it.
When I asked why Liam ignored the question and asked if i was attending a halloween party coming up (it’s being hosted by one of my close friends so why wouldn’t I go?) and when I said yes his mood changed slightly (this could be me overthinking it) but he seemed more moody for the rest or the day.
The next day I asked if he wanted to match with me (as I’m going as Emily from Corpse Bride and I thought it would be cute if Liam went as Victor as it was my favourite childhood film) and he looked at me with disgust quickly masking it though I did notice and started rambling about how he already had a costume.
So, I was just confused and said “aw, cool what are you going as?” and he said he was going as Woody (from Toy Story). I didn’t mind that really and I just decided to go to bed.
Later that night, I woke up and was just scrolling through insta as you do, and I realised that Liam’s ex (Kate) 21F was going as Jessie. Now this is where it gets messy.
I was curious wether it was just a coincidence so I unlocked his phone (I know this might be an invasion in privacy but I was worried) and when I went in their messages they’d planned to match.
I looked through the chats but nothing that would pass as cheating was there so I assume it was innocent and just blocked her off his snapchat (yes he has other ways of messaging her but that’s his main one.)
Today Liam went to the gym (I haven’t asked about the matching costumes yet) but I looked at his location and he was in the middle of a field (it’s usual for him to go on walks but he usually sticks to the main road) he has been gone for a few hours and I've had none of the usual calls or texts.
I feel like somethings going on but it’s too early to accuse them of cheating. I want some advice but I feel telling people we know would cause more drama. Am I TA??
[I WILL GIVE UPDATES ONCE THERE IS ONE]
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Yes, you invaded his privacy. His changes of mood should be something to watch when they happen, as they can hide something other than cheating. The fact that he is matching with an ex, and not with you, is also something that might tell more than his words. If they are keeping a friendship, there is no reason why he wouldn't have told you about matching with her and not with you.
YTA. Don't snoop on peoples' phones. And you don't creepily block people that you don't want him to contact. You want to know why he always takes his phone with him and doesn't leave it with you? That's why.
Everyone talks about how wrong it is to touch your partner's cell phone but I don't agree with that. I've been married for ten years and have been dating for two more years and my husband (30F and 33M) and I have never had this thing about "my cell phone".
So much so that we both know the other's password and feel free to use it and do whatever we want at any time, since we started dating, since if we're honest with each other and we're together then obviously we don't need this "don't touch what's mine" thing.
I'm sure many will criticize my comment, but... Creator of the Post, it would be good if you talked to your boyfriend and tried to ask him why he doesn't want to go with the matching costume with you but with her, if he says it's because he doesn't like what you chose, at least try to investigate whether he would accept reaching a compromise (something you both like.)
How do you think he will react once he discovers his ex was blocked on IG but he wasn't the one who blocked her? He's gonna know you did it and you will be in deep trouble with him. You've broken his trust and invaded his privacy. If you can't trust him, what good is being in a relationship with this person? ESH.
YTA. You do not have any right to access his phone or other devices, to make decisions about his contacts, to block anyone on his devices, or to police who he can communicate with.
That is controlling, it is disrespectful, it is an invasion of his privacy. It is blindingly clear that you are insecure, that you do not trust him, that you don't respect him, and that this is not a healthy sustainable relationship. Just break up for both of your sakes.
NTA- wtf are y'all on about saying she is????? She didn’t just grab his phone for giggles, she saw the ex was going as Jessie and given her bf said he wanted to go as woody, I would have done the same thing. Honestly being you guys have only been together for months and there is already that many red flags I think you can do better.
Usually I’d say talk it out but it sounds like that’s not a good idea honestly given you have tried to point out certain things and he got all weird. It’s one thing if you never had access to his phone but the fact you did, he revoked it, and then when asked he didn’t acknowledge and moved on is WEIRD. trust your gut.
Also girl you are better than me I would have driven to that field cause WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN A FIELD. Are you dead? Are you ok? And what are you doing being I just saw ABC last night😑 He can go match with his ex. You will be a hot ass Emily and maybe you can find a victor who will treat you better than that.
YTA- if you can't trust him to the point where you're invading his privacy and BLOCKING PEOPLE ON HIS BEHALF (this is bonkers behaviour, don't do this)- BREAK UP. You don't trust him. He seems to be shady. It's only been a few months, this relationship isn't going anywhere.