"AITA For Blowing up on my fiancé after what he did to my daughters table favors?"

My Fiancé (M37) and I (F35) are getting married in September, and everything has been going perfect until now. My daughter (F16, and yes, I know I had her young.) has recently found an obsession in paper origami.

She started with making dollar hearts and moved onto making full on beautiful lotus flowers and paper butterflies, and asked if she could help with the table decorations by putting paper butterflies on them with our wedding colors.

I love my daughter, and want to support her hobbies anyway I can, so I said she can and even bought her the paper she needed with the colors. The issues lies what happened today, and even typing this still has me feel a little anger. My Fiancé, with the addition of my daughter and I went to check the venue and stopped at a family friends house who's making our table decorations.

My daughter expressed how she couldn't wait to put her paper butterflies on the tables for the guests to enjoy. Our friend thought it was such an adorable idea but I could tell my fiancé made a face about it. When we came back home, he expressed his concerns about what my daughter said, and said that it seemed "childish" and that he wouldn't have it as his wedding decor.

I reminded him that its our wedding, and that I wont exclude my daughter's wishes after I already bought her the materials. We argue for a bit more, but I had to go to my sisters to help her move. But, when I came home today my daughter came crying to me, telling me she's sorry that she's ruining my wedding with her ideas and said she'll pay me back for the paper.

I asked her what she meant and she said that my fiancé told her that I was only including her idea and wasn't going to really go with it. I was enraged, and when he came back home i blew up on him and called him a jerk and an AH for what he told my daughter. He yelled back saying that we should have found a compromise, and just making this idea without consulting him first was terrible.

I do agree I should have consulted this first, but he didn't express any discomfort with the idea and going behind my back to tell my daughter lies, isnt a way to get back to me that he felt a way. I feel conflicted, and not sure what to do. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

TurtleTheMoon said:

NTA, and run. First, I find it really upsetting that your fiancé would have any problem with this. If I were marrying into a family with a 16 yo daughter, I would be so honored that she wanted to participate in beautifying my wedding I would be exploding with joy. Sometimes through no fault of anyone’s, stepparents and stepchildren never form any kind of loving bond.

To be so enthusiastically welcomed into a family by my fiancé’s daughter… I’m just… I can’t even properly put into words how much that would mean to me. I’m getting teary-eyed at the hypothetical. It feels to me like this can’t be the reaction of a man who is happy to be taking on any kind of fatherly role; like he’ll be counting down the days until she goes away to college.

Second, his course of action clearly displays he will cause harm to your daughter in order to manipulate your compliance. This is the reddest of flags. This isn’t how healthy partnerships function in disagreements; much to the contrary, it’s textbook emotional abuse (of your daughter) and blackmail (of you). The narcissism required to sacrifice your daughter’s emotional well-being over table settings is staggering.

NUT-me-SHELL said:

NTA. Is this really the kind of man you want to be marrying? Someone who would treat your daughter so disrespectfully?

bigfatchair said:

Nta. But will be if marry this man. He is bullying your daughter.

Smart-Bake713 asked:

Is your fiancé this involved in other aspects of the wedding? The Cake? The Food? Flowers? Table cloths? Chairs? Music? Or is he only trying to control the part that involves your teenage daughter?

And OP responded:

We're both involved in many things together but he said he wanted to be in charge of food because he wants catering and for his uncle to cook some things as well, which I dont mind because i love his uncle cooking. I have no idea i why he did what he did, but I plan to ask him and have a talk hopefully.

Later, OP shared this major update:

Wow..I was shocked this would get the attention of so many, but i'm thankful for all the comments. I'm at work, but i will give a clear update tonight of everything that happened and is going to happen.

I'm finally off work, and I have been able to talk to my daughter and fiancé. I took my daughter out to eat at her favorite resturant and told her she could tell me anything that was bothering her and made sure to tell her that I'm proud of her hobby and would love to support it more.

She told me that while I was away there were many instinces where he would tell her that her art was horrible, and said that if I wasn't her mother I'd agree. I told her that was never and will never be the case. I love her art, and always show it to my co-workers. I told her that she was my top priority, not a stupid wedding and I made sure to spend time with her.

Then, I spoke to my entire family on a call, including my fiancé being in the room and told them that the wedding was off. I confronted him about everything and told him that he will not shame my daughter and dishonor her amazing work and that we need a break.

We broke into an argument and I said some things I didnt mean and he said some things that looking back, i'm ashamed that I almost let him ruin my family. He packed all his bags and I'm not sure where he is staying now. His family asked what happened, and I made sure to tell them. I got a few negative messages that my daughter is sensitive, but his mother apologized on his behalf.

I also made sure that he gave my daughter a sincere apology and she didn't accept it which she doesn't have to. I also showed my daughter the post and from her and I, thank you to everyone who supported her art, and we'll make sure to use her butterflies as decorations for around the house and her room.