'AITA for boarding a plane without my sister and leaving her and her kids behind?'
"AITA for boarding a plane without my sister and leaving her and her kids behind?"
Ok_Sherbet_2114
Throwaway/fake names. I (21 F) am currently going to college in the same town my sister (27 F) and her family live in. We are about a 6 hour flight from my hometown where our parents and extended family live. We had planned on all flying back to our hometown for thanksgiving a few days ago.
For some background, my BIL who I’ll call Bill is an alcoholic. Any kind of event where alcohol is provided or purchasable ends with him getting in fights and causing issues. He yells, throws things and gets generally aggressive.
My sister arrived at the airport before me and when I arrived at the gate an hour and a half before boarding he was nowhere to be found and my sister was struggling to keep track of three small children and all their luggage.
He did not come check on them once in the entire hour and a half, I only saw him when he came staggering over to the waiting area when it was time to board. As soon as my sister started talking to him he started to get loud and aggressive.
I watched from the boarding line (different groups) as it escalated to the point where security confronted him. My sister waved me over and I got out of line. She told me that they weren’t going to allow him to fly and that she needed help.
I asked if I should take Bills seat so I could sit next to one of the kids and not leave her alone on a long flight with all three. She was confused and repeated that Bill couldn’t fly with us.
I asked if she was going to stay behind and sort his shit out and she said yes. I told her that in that case I probably couldn’t help her. Her kids are all 6 and under (6, 3, 9 months) and would need her.
My sister was still confused and then told me that she expected me to stay behind and help her deal with her husband and kids. I told her no. Traveling around the holidays is insane, there likely wouldn’t be enough open seats for us to get a later flight if Bill is even still going to be allowed to fly at all.
I was excited to see our family, and her kids were not my responsibility. She got upset and told me that she didn’t know what to do with her husband and if he couldn’t fly (or worse) she didn’t know how she’d handle it.
I told her it was not my problem. Bill isn’t a child that needs supervision and it’s not her job to deal with him throwing a tantrum and getting in trouble with security. That we could just board the plane and leave him to face the consequences of his own actions.
She said he is her responsibility. I told her that if she knows how he is when he drinks and that if he was her responsibility she should’ve done something to prevent this and that the situation she was in was all on her. She chose to marry an alcoholic not me. I wouldn’t be missing my family for Thanksgiving because her husband can’t hold his liquor.
I boarded the flight and she stayed behind. My family was happy I made it but many of them called me insensitive for what I said and my mom was particularly mad that I didn’t stay and support my sister. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NUredditNU
None of your family would’ve stayed behind to deal with that mess either. Definitely NTA.
SeaworthinessDue8650
You didn't marry him. He is not your responsibility.
NTA.
BadBandit1970
NTA. Have you heard anything from your sister as far as what happened after you left? Why should you give up your holiday because he's an alcoholic. In fact, why should your sister and niblings have to as well? She should've joined you on the flight home and let her husband figure it out. He's an adult. He can suffer the consequences of his actions.
Getting drunk at the airport is not a wise idea; security does not play. Nor do the airport police. Security and the airport police aren't going to want a belligerent drunk roaming the terminal.
Chances are he would have been arrested for disorderly conduct along with public intoxication. Probably would've spent the night in jail which probably do him a bit of good. Or placed somewhere until someone could come get him.
For those calling you "insensitive" ask them would they be refunding your ticket because of your BIL's behavior? Would they give up their holiday for a drunk man's shenanigans? Most likely the answer is going to "no".
angelicak92
She needs to stop enabling his behaviour. He intentionally got drunk, became belligerent and screwed his own holiday over. She should have left him to handle the consequences, maybe if he had to deal with the fall out instead of being babied by her then he might rethink it for next time. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for not putting up with his behavior. NTA.
Difficult-Low-2698
NTA I'm actually incredibly proud of how mature and reasonable you were with your sister! You and everyone here is right, you didn't marry him, you didn't have kids with him, you didn't provide him access to alcohol before a flight.
If she believes she's responsible for him, then she's going to have an incredibly lonely and difficult life with that man. Be proud of yourself for having reasonable boundaries, and enforcing them better than your family clearly taught. Proud big sis moment over here!!
Shadow4summer
NTA. I find it odd that your sister expected you stay behind and help her wrangle her husband (and probably kids, too). This is her mess and it’s not going to end without her changing. She is totally enabling his behavior. She should have left him to his own devices and boarded the plane with you. If she misses the family get together, it’s on her.
CampSpiritual3808
Your sister knows his husband and she is choosing to continue to make babies from that man. She has 4 children and one of them is stronger than her and probably abusing her. Not divorcing is her choice not yours.
Your mother is supporting this bullshit too. You did the right thing. He is not your husband, he shouldn’t have the opportunity to destroy your life because your sister can’t make any good decisions.