My son (30) and his fiancée (28) of six years go on a family trip every year with her extended family. From what my son tells me, they travel to different locations and rent an Airbnb that accommodates the 30 people who attend.
For the past three years, they’ve gone during the holidays, and as a result, we rarely see them. My future daughter-in-law (DIL) and I have a good relationship, but I can’t say we talk much.
My son and his fiancée are planning a trip in March for spring break, and I asked my son when we might be able to plan a trip together in the future. He mentioned there might be enough room at the house they’re staying at.
I told him that sounded great and asked him to let me know the costs for everyone attending. My 24-year-old son, 22-year-old daughter, and 3-year-old grandson also live with me, so we all planned to go.
A few days later, my son told me that we’d likely have to sleep on a couch or share one of the kids’ bunk beds if they were available. I assured him we’d make it work, and I sent him our share of the costs. I also told my kids, who were very excited—this would be their first vacation that’s more than a three-hour car ride away.
Last week, my son called and told me it wouldn’t work for us to join them after all, and he sent back the deposit. When I asked why, he explained that his fiancée didn’t feel comfortable with us coming.
She was upset because I didn’t attend her engagement dinner last year to meet her side of the family, which she felt would make it awkward to share the vacation rental. She was also upset that I didn’t reach out to her directly to discuss joining the trip, leaving my son to relay the information instead.
I told my son it was fine, but I ended up booking a hotel about 15 miles from where they’re staying. I also told my son he didn’t have to worry about making time to see us. Now, my DIL is upset because she feels that we’re still somehow taking away from their trip. AITA?
Info: If you are still going to the same area but not planning to see your son and future DIL, then why are you going?
To put pressure on the son to spend time with them and pull him away from his own trip, I bet.
Easier to be a martyr. We'll be right there, but you don't have to worry about seeing us.
YTA. You guilted your son into an invite, didn’t take the hint that you wouldn’t be accommodated, and then planned a spite trip to the same place. Wanting to hone in on her family’s trip when you haven’t even met them puts you in monster future in-law territory.
Your son didn’t handle it well at all either, but your role in causing trouble is worse while it sounds like he’s stuck in the middle trying to please you and his fiancée. Just because they travel with her family doesn’t mean they want to travel with yours, which might be disappointing to you but making family relationships a point game is bound to do that.
So this is a trip with his fiancés family, who you haven't met? I understand why the dil doesn't want you to go, if it's been 6 years and you haven't met her family... But he did offer for you to join. I wonder if he didn't tell her that and made out like you invited yourself.
I mean… if I had been with your son for six years and engaged, and you never took the time to meet my family or anyone close to me, I wouldn’t feel comfortable going on vacation with you either.
Plus, you mentioned that you and your future DIL barely talk and you didn’t communicate any of these things to her? Your son is going to feel obligated to spend time with you guys knowing you’re 15 minutes away which would take away from any plans they may already have also. soft YTA.
YTA, you aren't welcome on the trip, why are you still trying to follow them and emotionally manipulate your son into spending time with you while still being able to play the martyr card? "Oh, I'll just be over here, so close to you, but you don't have to see me or anything, just know I'm nearby waiting to see if you do, but don't mind me, I'm just coming on my own vacation since you don't want me at yours...."
YTA. You were not invited. Your other son and his family were not invited. You invited yourself and them. They do not want you there. It is a DIL family event. You’ve made no effort to meet them in six years. Don’t go.
YTA you’re actually a special kind of AH. You invited yourself along on her family trip. You then invited additional people along on her trip. You then booked a spot super close to where they’re going to be at the exact same time.
They’re going to be there so that you can guilt your son into seeing you since you made the effort to be that close to them while on their trip with her family. Get over yourself there are 51 other weeks of the year figure it out which is not on a trip with her family you sound like you're insufferable.
ESH. Your son really dropped the ball in regards to this trip. He invited you to their vacation as a couple, and it sounds like he didn't inform her about it. Or maybe he did, without realizing you'd add 3 more people to their vacation.
You, haven't planned a family vacation to invite them to in years, nor taken your other children (adults now) further than 3 hours away. Now, you've gotten the other kids' hopes up & instead of choosing a different place altogether, you decide to go to the same location.
In hopes of what? Not disappointing your other children? That yout son will take away from his vacation to spend time with you? Or you may randomly bump into them? Your DIL, for being upset you didn't go through her. And possibly, for holding a grudge over an engagement dinner. That's depending on the reason you didn't attend.