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Woman finally tells husband's friend that his 'horrible boss' is her uncle. AITA?

Woman finally tells husband's friend that his 'horrible boss' is her uncle. AITA?


"AITA for not telling my husband's friend that his boss is my uncle?"


I (29F) am on friendly terms with a couple of my husband's (30M) friends. My husband works with these group of people in the same tech company, so they are colleagues as well as friends. Let's call them Kurt, Veronica and Rachel. The 3 of them often visit our home and we hang out together and chill.

And on these occasions, Kurt and Veronica have cribbed about their bosses, as friends do among each other. The thing is, one of their bosses that they like to crib about, is my uncle (father's brother).

My uncle has been in that company since at least 10 years and is in a very senior position. He is also my husband's boss. But we've never told Kurt or Veronica that we know him.

The last time we hung out was last Sunday. As usual, Kurt was telling me how his boss(my uncle) didn't approve his work-from-home request. He was angry that his request got denied. But my uncle granted work from home to 2 other female employees who were just back from their maternity leaves.

And he said a few other things about him, like how stingy he is and how he's an old guy who doesn't understand how work from home is better for productivity than work from office. I just listened to Kurt and smiled and empathized with him.

But we never told him that we knew his boss. Fast forward to yesterday, I posted an old family pic of mine on IG, which I found after many years, where all my family was gathered, including my uncle.

He looked young but was very much recognizable. What I had forgotten was, sometime ago I had added Rachel on my Instagram. We never chatted on that app, so I had completely forgotten about it.

As you can guess, she saw it and must have told Kurt. Because he freaked out and confronted my husband. When he returned home, he told me how freaked out Kurt was and what happened in the office. He said he simply accepted that his boss was my uncle and we knew him, and Kurt walked away angry.

Kurt messaged me yesterday night, saying how hurt he was that I would hide such an important detail and let him talk shit about his boss. He's having a meltdown saying I must have told my uncle what he says behind his back, and that's why my uncle is giving him unfavorable treatment.

I never even told my uncle that I knew these group of people who worked under him. I didn't think it was anything important to be told. People tend to dislike their bosses and it's ok.

And I'm confident that my uncle must have some solid reason to deny Kurt's wfh request. And even if he doesn't, it's no place of mine to tell him how to handle his business.

My husband also supports me and told me it's completely my prerogative whether to tell people who I'm related to. Kurt and Veronica feel I should have had some integrity and informed them before hand that their boss was my uncle. So, AITA for not* telling them?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


NTA, but if I were you I'd firmly tell Kurt that the company is none of your business, and that whatever has been discussed in your home has stayed there. I expect Kurt is panicking that he's going to lose his job.


This is so wrong! Everyone likes to blow off steam about their boss to their supposed friends and it is so unfair to sit there and hide the fact the person they're raging about is a family member. This was obviously going to end badly and had SO many ways of going wrong.

My mind is blown that this is top comment. Please imagine finding out a friend you've had a normal complaining conversation to about your boss was related to them! Picture it please! Your friend sat there and said nothing across how many instances? OP has lied by omission for what, months? Years?


I don't know about this I always complain about my uncle lol and everyone who works with me does to but we have a understanding that at work he is not my uncle but my boss and I never tell him what we are complaining about.


But the friend didn’t know any of that. He’s part of no agreement. He clearly would have handled his blow off steam conversations differently if he knew OP was related to his boss, as would many people. OP let him embarrass himself for years without a word. YTA.


Agreed, the trust is lost here. Flip the situation OP - You would also feel betrayed if a friend didn't tell you they were relatives with your boss, while you were actively venting about them. YTA.



Even if you acted honorably and compassionately you did omit information that any reasonable person would consider very relevant for the context.

If you had said something along the lines of "I feel I should tell you that I know your boss, he is my uncle, before you continue. I don't have any intention of interfering with your company or your job and I consider it natural and positive to vent about your bosses to friends.

So do feel free to continue, but I felt you should be aware" you would have saved your friends anguish and yourself a possible conflict of interest. Just from a personal and selfish point of view. What would you have felt motivated to do if your friend had said something really bad about your uncle?

Would you have told your uncle, would it affect your relationship with your friend or uncle etc? By not letting them know of the context you opened yourself up to possible emotional dilemmas that could have been quite easily avoided.

So, do you think the OP is in the wrong here? If you could give them any advice, what would you say?

Sources: Reddit
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