'AITA for setting a boundary with my little sister after she opened my birthday present?'
"AITA for setting a boundary with my little sister after she opened my birthday present?"
23F, little sister is 13F. I live back & forth between my mum’s and my dad’s house. All of my siblings are half-siblings on my dad’s side. I love my little sister but lately I've been getting annoyed about certain boundaries she crosses.
She’s obsessed with face cream, hand cream, body spray, perfume, any hair products that smell good, lip gloss/balm - she has a very big collection of all these things. I once sat and counted how many lip stuff she has accumulated over the years and I counted 37.
Despite having TONS of her own, she always asks to borrow mine and often ends up using up the entire thing (one of my perfumes was almost completely used up because she would spray it at least 20 times every time she used it)
She gets upset if I don’t share my stuff with her. For example, I got a body mist from Bath & Body Works recently because I loved the smell. I decided to leave it at my mum’s house.
My sister saw it in the background during a Facetime and said “oh that looks like it smells good, can you bring it the next time you come here?!” and I jokingly said something along the lines of “I think we’ve got more than enough perfumes at dads”, and she was visibly upset.
I’m quite a patient person so I brush all of this off bc she’s my lil sister and that's just what siblings do, right? But this recent situation has really upset me and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not. So:
It was my birthday on Tuesday. I went to my dad’s to celebrate after work. When I sat down to open presents I noticed that all of them were intact except one, of which the packaging had been ripped open and the contents removed.
Hm, weird, so I asked my little sister what happened and she told me that it was one of my brother’s gifts to me (a set that included hand cream, a nail file, a nail/cuticle oil, and a little nail clipper) and she “really wanted to try it” and couldn’t wait for me to open it so she decided to go ahead and open it herself and try everything out.
Half the hand cream had been squeezed out of the tube, the nail file was used because it had those tell tale scratches on it, and the small nail/cuticle oil bottle wasn’t closed properly so it was also opened.
I understand that, in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t a big deal, but it made me sad that she had just gone and opened my gift like that without even thinking to consult me first.
I said to her, verbatim, “You need to stop thinking all of my things are automatically yours too.” Her mum taught her that everything that belongs to your siblings also belongs to you. Her philosophy: Siblings share everything. So, setting a boundary is very difficult.
My sister got mad because I “never share” my things with her anymore and am “purposely” leaving some of my stuff at my mum’s place to avoid her using them. Her mum called me “quite selfish” for belittling my own sister for wanting to be “closer to me” by borrowing my things. AITA? WIBTA if I continued to be harsh about these boundaries?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Where is your dad in all of this? Why isn’t he parenting her? Get a lock for your door. She has lost all privileges in your room, lost access to any of your stuff, and she should be grounded. Her allowance should be going to you until she’s paid for the birthday present she stole and ruined.
This behavior is completely unacceptable. Your dad and his wife are doing her a massive disservice by not setting clear and enforced rules of behavior. They are also treating you horribly. This was your present. Not hers. She stole it. None of her behavior is ok.
They also haven't taught her that 20 sprays of perfume is assault on anyone with sense of smell. And flat out biological warfare on anyone that gets migraines from that.
NTA, 13 is far too old to be behaving this way.
Obviously NTA, but you should probably either stop living there or start keeping all your stuff at the other house 🤷🏻♀️ if the parent is encouraging her behavior, it doesn't really matter what boundaries you set because I doubt she'll listen.
NTA. 13 is old enough to learn boundaries. Wonder how she'd feel if you helped yourself to her supply, because siblings share everything apparently.
You should get stepmom some hand creams for holiday gifts and encourage little sis to get in there. Because "family".
NTA. That poor little girl is going to have an awful awakening someday. Hopefully before college. I had a college roommate like her and it was hell. Then it got loud. As in we all put her in her place, loudly and right away. Wasn't pretty and she shed a lot of tears.
NTA - You said “in the grand scheme of things this isn’t a big deal” but it is. It’s a huge deal. Honestly how would she feel if you opened and used her birthday presents before she got to them? How would her mother feel? This needs to be nipped in the bud.
She’s 13, not 3, old enough to know she needs to respect others’ belongings. Her mother is doing her no favors by raising her daughter to be an entitled brat. Does she have lots of friends, or does she have difficulty maintaining friendships?
You are NTA and I would spend less time at their house. She needs to learn that these actions have consequences and it is clear that her mother is not going to be the one to teach her.
NTA, of course. This is not borrowed - it's stolen and used without permission. Moreover, this is ruined the gift to other person from other person. Awful. You are too soft, not close to harsh. That girl is a spoiled brat and her mom is making her worse.