'AITA for boxing up my roommate's dirty dishes instead of cleaning them?'
"AITA for boxing up my roommate's dirty dishes instead of cleaning them?"
My roommate, Maya (27F), and I (28F) have been living together for a year, and the dishes have been the single, constant conflict. We've tried every system chore charts, dividing cooking nights, the "clean as you go" rule but nothing works.
Maya consistently leaves her dirty pots, pans, and cutlery piled up in the sink for days, sometimes an entire week. Since I cook almost every day, I frequently need the sink, the counter space, and the few pots and pans she's holding hostage.
Last month, we had a big fight, and she promised to improve. She was good for two weeks, but this past week, the sink has become totally unusable again. I needed to prep for a large dinner tonight and literally couldn't run the water or put anything down.
I texted her this morning asking her to clear the sink before I got home from work, and she never replied. When I arrived, the mess was the same. Instead of starting another argument or, worse, washing her crusty, week-old dishes, I took action:
I found a spare cardboard moving box, carefully cleared all of her dirty dishes (scraps and all) out of the sink, and put them directly into the box. I then moved the box into her bedroom and placed it under her bed, leaving a note on top that said "Your dishes. Your responsibility.
When this box is empty, it can come back out. I then happily cooked dinner in my now clean kitchen. Maya got home an hour ago, found the box, and blew up at me, calling me passive-aggressive, controlling, and an AH for moving dirty food into her personal space.
She argues I should have just washed them if I needed the space that badly. AITA for moving her dirty dishes into a box and putting it in her room instead of simply cleaning them myself?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Sounds like she’s disgusted by her own choices. Well played op!
NTA at all. She's 27, not 7. Gotta pick up after herself. It ain't your job to play maid. My motto - if you dirty it, you clean it. Simple as. And tbh, her calling you passive-aggressive is rich when she can't even be arsed to reply to your text. Keep that box under her bed till she steps up.
mironovagalinagzjg2 (OP)
It's true, her calling me passive-aggressive while ignoring my text is peak hypocrisy.
NTA- flip the script- if you don’t want your dirty dishes in a box under your bed- wash them yourself, ffs. Leaving them for me and then expecting me to do it for you is some entitled BS and I’m not playing that game. If putting them in a box u def your bed was too passive for you to respect, then do it again and I’ll just throw this stuff away.
Lol, You're definitely NTA. 100% with you on this one! You already tried every damn method under the sun to get Maya on track and she didn't. Trapped dishes under a sink for days is straight up gross, tbh. She needed a reality check, and you gave her one. Fair pay!
Defo time for a new roomie tho, lol. Maya sounds like a spoiled brat who can't clean up after herself. Hate to break it to her, but she's the A-hole here, not you.
Tell Maya she needs to learn more than one lesson. The first, obviously, is to clean up after herself. You are not her maid. If she insists on leaving her dirty dishes and a filthy kitchen for you to clean for her, tell her you will be deducting $100 (or whatever amount you think is fair) a month from your rent as payment.
The other lesson is what passive-aggressive means. You tried everything else, and nothing worked, so you took charge of the situation and you handled it yourself. Nothing passive about that. Was it aggressive? Only because you were pushed.
You tried talking to her, reasoning with her, even fighting with her. You asked her to clean the kitchen that day so you could use it that night, and she didn’t even have enough respect for you to answer your text. And she certainly didn’t clean. So, her mess can stay in her bedroom. Or she can find a new roommate. NTA.
ETA: I hope by now you have bought your own pots, pans, dishes, and flatware that you keep in your room so Maya can’t use them. Because she will. And then she’ll tell you that they’re your dishes, so you wash them.
NTA she's being lazy and selfish. Knowing what needs to be done, showing she is in fact capable, and then deciding to not do it in hopes that you'll take care of it instead is downright manipulative.
You're not wrong, she's gonna play the victim, she's gonna blame you. But remember, you're not wrong. She's a fully grown ass capable adult. This statement is true in almost all circumstances: If she wanted to, she would.
You ARE NOT your roomie's servant. Not her mom., Not her significant other, and not her offspring. She washes her dishes, or the scenario repeats.
Other option, tell her to get paper plates, because the dishes will get cleaned one more time, and then boxed up and returned to the landlady or stored elsewhere. I would get myself dishes that I own, and would keep them in my room. Same with pots and pans. And next lease renewal I would be out.
You're passive aggressive? That's hilarious. Tell her that until she can at least pretend to be an adult this is the solution you're going with and every dirty dish she leaves for you to deal with will end up in her room.
Then get creative and put the really dirty ones in her underwear drawer. NTJ. She's just doing this to piss you off, so piss her off right back. If she doesn't grow up, go shopping for a better roommate.