"AITA for announcing my pregnancy on Christmas?"
I ( 26f) recently found out I’m pregnant, very early still and I hadn’t told my partner (28m) yet. I thought it would be adorable if I wrapped up a vintage baby rattle with a note attached saying “ I’m pregnant” under the tree and gave it to him as one of his presents.
We have spoken about possibly getting engaged next year, and we have spoken about us both wanting kids before he turns 30. We have also been together for almost 5 years now as we met in university. We live together too so I never even thought there could be any reason why my pregnancy would be a negative thing.
Anyway it came to Christmas everything was perfect and I kept the rattle to be the final present. He opens it and reads the note then drops the rattle. He then turns and glares at me and shouts about how could I do this to him that I’ve forced him into having a child grabs his coat and storms out.
We haven’t spoken since. I’ve messaged him and I can see he has read it all but no responses. I found out from his sister that he is at her house spending Christmas with them. He hasn’t told her or anyone I’m guessing about it as she knew nothing just thought he had come as a surprise.
I really don’t know what to do? I’m now worried that maybe it wasn’t the right way to do it and that I should’ve brought it up in a gentler manner in conversation or something like that? No one else knows about the pregnancy as it is still very early stages (6 weeks) AITA for announcing it at Xmas?
Edit: I forgot to say but it was just the two of us at home for Christmas
Here's what people had to say to OP:
It's not the Christmas. He isn't happy you're pregnant. Time for some hard decisions.
It's wild to me that her takeaway here is that she should've announced it in a different way. Girl, wake up, his issue isn't Christmas, it's the baby!
“I never even thought there could be any reason why my pregnancy would be a negative thing.” This is so naive. You really can’t think of a single reason an unplanned pregnancy might not be something everyone wants? Really.
You said he talked about wanting kids before he was 30. Did he say that when he was 23, or when he was 28? You’re not even engaged. Did he also talk about planning to be married when having children ?
Well we both earn very well I work from home he works hybrid. We had conversations that we would have kids within the next two years so I had no idea that this would be taken negatively because from our conversations he had been wanting this.
Eh, it’s questionable. I think the preferred way to get pregnant is usually two people mutually agreeing to try. An unintended pregnancy doesn’t usually signal being very responsible on either party. Also the risk of miscarriage drops significantly around 12 weeks, and folks usually announce then to friends and family.
I don’t think letting him know at 6 weeks was a bad idea, so you can discuss your options or what you want to do. If you were on birth control and went off of it without telling him, that is extremely problematic. But if that is not the case it’s kind of on both of you.
We haven’t used birth control for over a year now but we also haven’t been actively trying, we usually use the pull out method
What’s the reason for not using birth control? Are you on an injectable or implantable bc?
We stopped birth control as I was having some bad side effects , migraines intermittent bleeding etc. we wanted kids within the next two years we weren’t actively trying in the sense of like ovulation
Later OP added this second edit:
Edit 2: hey guys I’ve been reading everyone’s responses and well I’m overwhelmed, I agree with a lot of you. I’m going to go to my partners sisters to talk but I think I will be leaving the relationship. Clearly I was too gullible. I’m also thinking hard about this pregnancy I don’t know what to do right now because my heads a mess but I’ve got some big decisions to make.