Woman catches boyfriend maliciously boobytrapping their apartment against her 'Home Alone' style. + UPDATE
"I [27 F] think my boyfriend [29 M] booby-trapped our apartment, I found something and don't know how to bring it up."
My boyfriend Alex and I have been together for two years, living together for less than 6 months. I would say that we have a fairly average relationship, we make each other really happy most of the time, but we do have our ups and downs. I am honestly so conflicted in writing this post because I feel a little insane even thinking about the possibility of him trying to hurt me intentionally.
We've been fighting a lot lately because of conflicting work schedules. I'm currently in my intern year of residency, doing a night float month, so I'm at work from 5pm-8am roughly.
He works during the daytime, regular hours as a CS engineer, and we haven't spent a lot of quality time together in several weeks, because of the lack of overlap. I'm going to work just as he's getting home, and vice versa.
I have never had any issues with physical abuse from him, he has raised his voice at me on more than one occasion, but he's always apologized and it's been during very stressful times in our lives (his dad passed away last year, our dog was killed in an accident on the street shortly thereafter).
Recently though things have been happening in our apartment that makes me feel a little crazy, I've been getting hurt a lot, and Alex keeps reprimanding me that I need to be more careful and not be so clumsy, but honestly it feels like it's not me, but that things are being done/moved/placed?
About three days ago I came home from work and was preparing something to eat in the kitchen, right after he left for work and I was getting ready to sleep. I opened up one of our kitchen cupboards and the heavy door flew off one of the hinges and smacked me in the head.
I have a huge goose egg and a giant bruise near my hairline, enough that several co-workers have asked me about what happened. I honestly think I had a very mild concussion from it, based on my symptoms this week.
But here's the thing, as I tried to put the door back together - I couldn't find the hinge or three screws anywhere afterward, they should've been on the floor or the counter, and they weren't.
This morning when I got home from work and I was getting ready to go to bed, I opened up Alex's underwear drawer to get a pair of socks to wear to bed, there were the screws, the hinge, and a screwdriver.
Last week I got up in the middle of my sleep schedule to use the bathroom, and I slammed my shin into the edge of our bed. There is always enough room for me to shimmy by.
But later on, when I looked at the bed and my leg, there were carpet marks like the bed had been shifted about 12" towards the wall, making my space smaller. I honestly feel insane even thinking about bringing this up with him, but I don't know what to do.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Judging in my 10 years with a narcissitic psycho, you’re not crazy. Start writing these incidents down, take pictures, etc and keep it all logged somewhere he doesn’t have access (your phone) in case it escalates. Having proof will mean a huge difference if you end up having to go to the cops.
This reminds me of a post a year ago where a woman wondered and later found out her SO was hiding her possessions then putting them back where she could find them. No reason or explanation, but creepy as hell. In the very least he's getting off on controling your surrondings. I'd be freaked out.
Have you seen the movie Gaslight? It's literally the source of the term gaslighting, and it's literally about trying to make someone feel insane by making their environment unstable.
Nine days later, the OP returned with an update.
Hello all - I just want to start off by saying thank you to everyone who messaged me with advice and input about my last post found here. Like the title states, I suspected my boyfriend was boobytrapping our apartment for some unknown reason and gaslighting me, and I was right.
Two days after I posted, our shower head came loose and sprung off at me / smacked me in the back of head, and due to the water pressure, I needed 8 stitches to close the wound.
I texted my bf about what had happened, and that I needed to go in to work for stitches (I'm a resident), and he was way too nonchalant. He asked if I had bumped it or anything to cause it coming off. I'd had enough at that point. I wasn't going to ask him about the things that were happening, I was just going to move out / on before I ended up dead.
I made a plan that on Thursday I would have a friend come over as soon as Alex left the apartment, to help me pack my things and leave. I was worried about any potential cameras he may have hidden, so I flipped the breaker and turned off the power in our apartment.
About three hours into packing up, Alex came home. In the six months that we've lived together, he has never once come home for lunch so there must've been a camera planted somewhere with an external power source.
He doesn't even pretend to waltz through the door, he bursts open and gets furious and asks what we are doing. Not sad, not confused, straight up angry. That was the only sign I needed.
All I said was 'I know about the cabinet, and the bed, and the dresser, you watching me, and my jewelry, and it's done. we're done.' He responded with the standard 'You're F****** insane, you're crazy, this is insane, etc etc'.
This is the point where I am thinking, am I going to end up on a Dateline NBC episode? I yelled to my friend in the next room that she needed to call the police to come supervise while we finished packing. Alex decided to take this moment to call the police and claim that I was 'insane and stealing things' from our apartment.
Two uniformed officers rolled up within what seemed like only a minute and came upstairs. I explained that I was moving out, and there was abuse, I wasn't interested in pressing charges, but they needed to supervise and file a report for documentation.
I ended up finishing packing and then spending nearly an hour down at the police station hashing everything out with the officer who arrived first. I took personal leave from work for the second half of last week and tomorrow is my first day back. I'm staying with a friend right now until I move in with another resident near our hospital in about two weeks.
Overall I'm really relieved to be out of the situation, but I'm generally still pretty afraid of Alex and anything he might try to do in the future. Out of an abundance of caution, I took both my iPhone, iPad, and laptop to the apple store and had them do hard resets/wipes just in case he had planted anything.
I'm not sure how I should be feeling right now. But I'm just going to say that for anyone out there questioning whether your situation is abusive or not, go with your gut, and trust your friends and family.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Sheesh. OP was on her way to being dead. Hopefully she’s still okay, having forgotten about her Reddit account of yore and not…
People misuse and overuse the term “gaslighting” a lot these days but this is a prime example. I’m so relieved she made it out alive. Absolutely sadistic abusive behavior on his part.
Like she flips a breaker, and he comes in immediately angry? Then, has the audacity to say she is crazy? It's like sir, what are you angry about then if the breaker didn't trip something.
Guess his ability to maintain the illusion that he wasn’t a complete psychopath hinged on them spending quality time together. Good thing OP figured out her other half had a few screws loose before she ended up in the morgue…
Imagine if OP hadn't left, for sure something sinister or creepy would have occured. OP made a good choice.