'AIO for being upset that my boyfriend cancelled our romantic dinner to take his mom and sister instead?' UPDATED 2X
"AIO for being upset that my boyfriend cancelled our romantic dinner to take his mom and sister instead?"
Basically what the title says. My (24F) boyfriend (26M) of 3 years had told me over the weekend that he made reservations for a romantic restaurant on the lake. I was excited because our jobs don't allow us a lot of time to spend together as is. I packed a cute outfit and got everything ready this morning to change into after work.
Then, he texts me. "I actually can't take you tonight, I'm going with my mom and sister (25F) instead.". Now, normally, I'm pretty understanding, but this is weird, right? He kind of just brushed me off with a "Well, they really wanted to go. So yeah, sorry.".
I have no problem with him spending time with his family...but this was supposed to be our date? Not to mention I had to prepare and pack everything since he lives about 45 minutes away from me. Now he's going to enjoy a romantic dinner with his mom and sister and I'm going back home to be by myself. AIO for being upset about this?
UPDATE :
Thank you all for your advice. I have read all the comments, and I went ahead and pressed the issue a little further with him.
To respond to some questions:
Do you get along with his family?
His family and I get along pretty well. We've been on trips together, gotten each other gifts for holidays/birthdays - the whole 9 yards.
I have always had a creeping suspicion that they didn't like me because when I come over, they are super passive and don't really engage in conversation with me. When I ask my boyfriend, he says they're just reserved and shy. I think they just don't like that the only man in their life has a girlfriend.
Is he cheating on you?
I can confidently say he's not cheating on me. He just has this weird relationship / momma's boy thing going on that has always slightly bothered me.
He literally goes out of his way to show his appreciation for them. Sometimes it's endearing, but sometimes, I feel like I'm on a back burner. Now. He said he understands where he went wrong and doesn't want me to feel like I'm the last option.
Apparently he's been cancelling plans on them for a while so he felt bad when they expressed interest in going to dinner with him tonight - just them three. He said he actually made the plans with them yesterday but "forgot" to text me before I got all my stuff packed up.
I'm still not satisfied with this response, so we'll have to talk in person after he enjoys his dinner with them. I will be putting my foot down about the mom and sister thing. Like seriously - his sister is older than me and he treats her like she is 9 years old. Thank you to all the women (and men) sharing their MIL / SIL / FIL stories. You've given me confidence to stand up for myself.
Also, thank you for the laughs. I tend to make light of situations. Your concern brought me some joy today. I felt CRAZY but you all made me realize I need to stand up for myself right now.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s initial post:
NOR this is weird... Cancelling a romantic date to take his mom & sister instead with zero discussion?? That’s not just inconsiderate it’s straight up dismissive...Spending time with family is great but he could’ve made separate plans with them instead of pulling a last minute swap like you were never part of the equation...
That's weird as hell. I love my mom and sister, but if I were planning a romantic getaway with my lady, ESPECIALLY after I had already told her to get ready for it, there is no way I'm gonna rescind my invite unless one of them was dying or something. Is he a momma's boy?
I dated a girl who lived up inside her mom and sisters ass (I was 24 she was 21) and did this to me all the time until I broke it off, and she just couldn't understand it. You don't wanna be with a partner who runs back to mommy and sister like they're still in middle school for everything, let alone opting to take them on a romantic getaway.
NOR but is this how you want your future to be?
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
I wasn't going to update but I am livid. To clear it up from the beginning, his mom and sister knew that we had a date. They proposed the idea to get dinner with him. He told them he had already planned a date with me.
They made sad faces and sighed " Oh ... okay :( ". That's when he felt bad for them. The fact he even told me this is insane because why are two grown women guilt tripping you right now.
I FaceTime called with my boyfriend last night (before dinner). We had a serious talk about his family and how I need him to start stepping up more. I told him I wont be option #3 for my entire life and threatened to leave if that was the case.
He understood, agreed, and we moved on. He said his mom was just stressed about work and wanted to talk to him. Sure. I just told him to enjoy his dinner and everything.
Fast forward a few hours later (during supposed dinner time). I'm on FaceTime with him again and wondering why he's not at the restaurant? His mom and sister fell asleep. They literally just...fell asleep.
Here I am literally begging this man for one day a week to see him and his mom and sister (who live with him) fall asleep. I told him straight up that they disrespected his time and did all these theatrics for NOTHING.
So, yeah. That's the update. Thanks for all your tough love and good advice. I have a lot to think about today. Really, even the mean comments were good. I don't normally talk to people irl about my relationship so I appreciate the little bits of advice.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s update:
If you have to beg he’s not worth it. 🚩
You deserve a better man. Stop begging him for attention. You’ll always be an afterthought for him Find a guy who will prioritize you. Have some self respect.
If you do want to stay with him, I recommend you make yourself scarce - meet up with friends, prioritize everyone else over him, never call him first, don't have time for him when he wants to meet. Make him really work for a date - it will completely shift the power balance. Unless he really doesn't give a damn about you - but then at least you will know.