'My boyfriend blocked my dead brother from my Instagram.' UPDATED
"My boyfriend blocked my dead brother from my Instagram account and he doesn’t seem to understand or care that I’m upset?"
Six years ago, my twin brother Sam died in a horrible accident on the freeway. It was one of the biggest accidents in our state. My only comfort is that he died immediately. The police said he most likely had no idea anything was happening around him.
Anyway, before he died Sam was a huge social media user. Mostly on Instagram and Snapchat. I never followed him on Snapchat but I followed him on instagram. He made thousands of posts about his life(friends, family, music) he was an amazing singer.
After he died, I would go to his account and just scan through his posts. I mostly watched a few videos he made where he does a dialogue for ESL speakers (he taught English to ESL students for extra money). I'd often pretend that he was speaking to me.
I know it’s not healthy to listen to my dead bothers voice everyday but it just became a habit. A few weeks ago my boyfriend had been urging me to break free from this. He told me that I need to move on. I did start. I would only watch one video. Or even not use my phone until right before I went to bed.
Last night I went to check my brothers account and I saw that it was gone! I was upset. I texted my sister and she said that she could still see his account. My boyfriend told me that he blocked my brother on my account.
I was annoyed but simply thought I could just go back to following him. But my brothers account was private and our family couldn’t access his account years ago. The reason why he blocked him is because he thought I was “in love” in my brother. And even accused me of being once intimate with him. My brother.
I wanted to vomit. He’s my twin! We spent every single day together. Even when we grew up we went to the same university. At the time of my brothers accident we were roommates. I loved my brother but not in a sick way.
My boyfriend never met my brother. He and I only started dating 2 years ago. But after this I don’t know if I can/should continue this relationship. My boyfriend keeps saying that I should move on, that what he did wasn’t a big deal. But it was to me. Our mutual friends agree that I should just forgive and forget but I feel like I’m grieving again.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
This is a massive red flag and you really should reconsider this relationship. This man decided he knew better than you what would be best for you and is now denying any damage was done.
Jesus. Get out.
Throwrainstabro1 (OP)
I have to. I honestly don’t see myself forgiving him. My sister is allowing me to use her account so the pictures aren’t gone. But still Why Why would he do this.
Your boyfriend just decided for you that blocking your late brother’s account was the magical solution to your grief? That’s not how it works. Grief isn’t a switch you can just flip, especially when it’s someone as close as your twin. You finding comfort in watching those videos is totally normal, and nobody gets to take that away from you.
But then he takes it even further. Accusing you of being “in love” with your brother? Dude, what? That’s not just out of line—that’s a whole different zip code of messed up. Grief is one thing, but him jumping to those accusations? Yeah, no.
Look, you’ve been taking steps at your own pace, and that’s how it should be. He doesn’t get to dictate how you handle your loss. Honestly, it’s not about “forgive and forget.” It’s about respect, and he clearly bulldozed that boundary.
You’re feeling like you’re grieving again because, in a way, you are—he took away your way of connecting with your brother. Also, your friends saying "just let it go"? That’s a hard pass. You deserve better than someone who not only doesn’t get your grief but makes it worse.
Throwrainstabro1 (OP)
He told me he was “just joking” when he said that. It was NOT funny. This happened yesterday and I’m still very upset and I don’t see myself ever forgiving him. He tried tickling me this morning to make me laugh. I’m just so hurt.
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
I kicked him out. I gave it a few days for me to calm down but this was just a breech in trust. He still thinks I'm overreacting. And I've also cut ties with out mutual friends (they were mostly his friends).
This incident made me realize I need to spend more time with my family. I've been chatting more with my sister; after Sams death I was a bit cold towards her. But she has helped me a lot these past couple of days.
Also thanks to some amazing people on here we were able to get into Sams account. I'm now the owner of it. Thank you all for reading. And lastly. Sam. I miss you every single day.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
What an insecure little man OPs ex was. I'm glad this was resolved, and I hope he has heaps of karma coming his way.
I am not a twin, but have twin younger brothers and while they're not each other's biggest fans currently, I remember that before they were inseparable. To accuse OOP of being in love with her twin brother is gross and not funny in the slightest. How dare he even try to imply that or dictate how her grief should go?? Good on her for dumping him and his terrible friends.
It’s horrifying that a 36 year old man did this, not a foolish teenager who didn’t think through how hurtful this would be.