'AITA for feeling left out my boyfriend didn’t invite me on a couples trip?'
"AITA for feeling left out my boyfriend didn’t invite me on a couples trip?"
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a couple years and we’ve always had the same argument about me being left out of activities. He constantly refuses to invite me to dinners with mutual friends or hobbies I’ve been asking to try. There’s usually some convincing reason why he forgot to include me and I let it go, until recently.
For the past year our coed friend group has been dreaming of taking a group trip to another state that’s meaningful to us. Last week I found out he confirmed going on a group trip with our mutual friends and told them I couldn’t attend, without even asking me.
He told the group that I was too busy with my new job and I wouldn’t be able to take off four days for vacation. I actually managed to get vacation time approved but when I excitedly told him he shut me down saying that everyone had already booked flights and there wouldn’t be any more space in the rental house as the host had already filled my bed.
When I asked why he left me out he said he figured I couldn’t go anyway with work and declined on my behalf. I spoke to the host myself and she was very upset with him, the group had multiple conversations about how they would miss me if I couldn’t be there but he assured them I couldn’t go.
She told me she had to fill the extra spots in the rental house to recuperate for the total cost. I understood where she was coming from but I’m devastated. I’ve been looking forward to this trip for a year.
It’s also weird seeing as how it’s a couples trip and he will be the only one solo. I don’t understand why he would want to go on a couples trip without me? When I pressed him on it, he seemed sorry and said he didn’t intentionally leave me out. He said it must be a misunderstanding.
Recently he also joined a fantasy football league with our co-ed friend group and didn’t invite me. I’ve been asking since last year to play in the league and how fun it would be. We are big fans and all the women participate with their husbands.
I found out last week that the league is full and he didn’t even mention to them that I wanted play. This was the breaking point for me. I broke down in tears asking why I’m being excluded from the trip and now the league.
He yelled that we don’t need to be glued to each other 24/7 and that I need to get a life. He said I’m bringing this up too much and I need to let it go. We are now sleeping in separate rooms. AITAH for feeling left out and not letting it go?
Editing to Add details: We own a home together so unfortunately I can’t kick him out, but I do plan on staying with friends for a bit. I’m also incredibly close with his family and do get invited to all family events (weddings, funerals etc) his parents also regularly ask me for help related to my career field.
His grandmother recently commented that if he messes up the relationship they would keep me over him. I’m not a delusional side chick as someone posted. I also saw him shopping for engagement rings on his iPad and he brings up wedding planning often. Which is why I wrote this post confused.
Also there’s no chance that I’m clingy as we work opposite shifts and don’t see each other Monday through Friday. He works overnight and is going to sleep by the time I get home. The past two weekends we have both been seeing friends and family separately.
We are hardly glued together 24/7 like he yelled. The coed friend group did start out as only his. After three years they have felt like family to me, but now I’m reevaluating if they also didn’t want me on the trip.
There is no group chat to my knowledge but he did take the opportunity to finalize trip details the one night I couldn’t make it to dinner. It feels intentional. Regardless, I’m over this situation and to me the relationship is over. Thanks everyone.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Honestly, I’d be questioning why he doesn’t want you included. This pattern doesn’t look like a misunderstanding. It looks intentional.
Yeah, this isn't a great sign. Sure, couples should do things separately, but that's not the same as deliberately excluding your partner from something she wants to participate in.
Since this has been an ongoing pattern, he’s not going to change. If you stay with him, you will continue to be excluded, disappointed, and left on the sidelines while he does things you want to. NTA. Dump him.
NTA He wants you to be the one to formally end the relationship. He has already broken up with you in his mind, he just hasn’t said it out loud yet.
NTA your boyfriend doesn't like you.
Please explain to all of us why you stay with someone who openly dislikes you? Please love yourself more than this.
Not saying my past life is your present, but . . . my first husband was like this. Never wanted to include me when he was doing things with friends, even told me I was not invited (found out later that I was) to friend gatherings, etc.
I wasted many years of my life only to figure out that I was more like a roommate with benefits. He did not like me. As many here are saying, your boyfriend doesn’t like you. If he did, he would want to include you in MOST of his activities. You are a convenient place holder/roommate. Run.
He told you to get a life. So, do just that, starting with a new boyfriend, who actually cares about you. You deserve better. Good luck.
He doesn’t want you included. Congrats on being his bangmaid. I would end everything with him and at the same time send a big round of texts to the friend group “explaining how you regret that you were never invited to any of the dinners or on the trips - but now you know it was him making that decision and lying to them.”