"My boyfriend of 10 months ditched me on our date."
So last night my boyfriend and I were meant to go on a date but it ended up turning into a sort of group thing with mutual friends, I was disappointed seeing as we've barely had alone time and haven't had a date in over 2 weeks. My boyfriend reassured me that he will still make sure apart of it was a date for us and that it will be fun so I thought why not? and we headed off to the pub.
Things were going great for the most part but about 1hr in I had to go to the bathroom. The pub was busy and there was a line in the girls bathroom so I waited and I was in and out in about 10 minutes.
Well, when I left the bathroom I couldn't see my boyfriend or our friends anywhere so I looked for them and I still couldn't find them. I checked my phone and there were no texts from any of them so I went to the bartender and just asked him if he saw them leave. He said they told him to let me know they left to go to a club but he couldn't remember which one (I assume to the club we planned to go to).
Anyway, I was real hurt by this. I was only gone 10 minutes so they could of easily waited and to make things worse my boyfriend was the one who drove me there so I either had the option to walk in the middle of the night by myself to get to the club or call for an uber, which I did.
While I waited for the uber, I shot my boyfriend a text asking him why he didn't wait for me and if they were at the club but he didn't reply. I even sent a text to my best friend but she didn't reply either. I called them as well and again, neither of them answered :/
Anyway, it took a while for my uber to arrive and by this point I was tired and my boyfriend and my best friend still hadn't answer so I just ended up going home. I showered, cooked myself some food and then got ready for bed.
By this time, I had been around an hour since I had left the club and my boyfriend still hadn't replied to any of my texts or answered my calls. I was getting worried that maybe something happened to I called him again, no answer.
I called my best friend, no answer and I ended up calling 2 other people there and again, no answer. I ended up going on facebook and saw one of the friends I had called had uploaded photos of all of them at a totally different club, not the one we planned to go to.
I was so hurt and angry at this point I just sent my boyfriend a text basically telling him that how horrible it was for him not the even send me a text to let me know where they went and I told him that for future reference, not to drag me along somewhere just to ditch me by myself and not even bother to wait for me or even call me to make sure I am okay.
At this point it really hit me how messed up all this was. Not only did they all ditch me, they went to a different club so If I had went to the club we originally planned to go to, I'd be looking for them all night. It also really pissed me off that I was gone for over an 1hr and my boyfriend wasn't worried about me at all.
Wouldn't most people be worried that they left there SO at a pub and hadn't seen them in 1hr? If situations were revered, I would of checked my phone and called because I would of been worried.
So I ended up going to bed and when I woke up my phone was flooded with texts from my boyfriend. He apologized, saying the bartender was meant to tell me where they went and they couldn't hear the phones in the club.
I replied back to him saying how messed up it was that he left me and how thoughtless he was by not even sending me a text. I told him it was ridiculous for him to rely on a bartender who was extremely busy to tell me something he should have told me himself.
He texted again telling me he is sorry. He said that he didn't mean to ditch me as well as a bunch of other excuses and apologizes but honestly they just annoyed me more.
Now I'm not sure if I'm overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing. I'm also not sure if I should sort this out with my boyfriend and forgive him for this or if I should just dump him. I'd really appreciate any advice.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You're not overreacting. What they did was unbearably rude and inconsiderate. You may want to rethink your choice of boyfriend and best friend.
I wish I could upvote this more. My "best friend" in my 20's did this to me a few times, then I realized she was pregnant with my "boyfriend". I put those in words because obviously neither of them cared about me enough to tell me on their own.
Yes, I'm probably projecting. But OP, in my experience, it's not worth trying to keep this kind of guy around. My husband would never do this to me, even if he's just running to the store to get milk hell text me where he's going (not because I'm a control freak, but because he knows it makes me calm and secure not worrying about whether he's dead in a ditch someplace)
He didn't mean to ditch you? BS. He didn't accidentally get up from the bar, go outside, pile into a vehicle with your friends and magically ended up somewhere else. Plus him and his friends left you! They should have been kind enough to have kept in contact. They should have anticipated you texting them.
There is no excuse. He showed no regard for you. Couldn't be bothered to wait for you. Couldn't be bothered to text you. Nothing. Leave him. He isn't worth any more of your time.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
I've been texting one of my friends that was there last night and she admitted that they all ditched me on purpose. They all decided at the pub that they wanted to do some hard drugs and they thought I'd kill the mood and that I'd be uncomfortable so rather than doing the decent thing and giving me a heads up, they decided to completely ditch me and ignore me.
Rather than wait to see him tonight, I called my boyfriend to see if he would admit to it and he did. He said they were doing me a "favour" and he knows I have a bad family history with drugs (3 family members died from overdoses) which I still think is a poor excuse for what they did.
They could of just been honest with me rather than basically abandoning me at the pub. I also asked him why did he ignore me and he just said he wanted to enjoy himself without feeling guilty.
He kept apologizing but I was just done at that point. I broke up with him and its safe to say I will also be ending my friendships with my so called "friends". In all honesty, I wouldn't care if they were doing drugs as long as they were safe. In fact, I would of liked to be there just so I could keep an eye on them and make sure they stayed out of trouble but oh well.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
This might be the worst group of friends I’ve read about on this sub. Total jerks. With friends like these who needs anemones.
10 years later and I wonder where everyone is now. Really concerning that her ex and friends were prioritizing getting hard drugs and not feeling judged. But it's good that she left them behind.
They did her a favor imo. The trash took itself out.