"AITA? My boyfriend gave me an ultimatum..."
I (33F) have been with my boyfriend (30M), I'll just call him Jack, for 6 years and we (finally) just moved in together. This is honestly the man I want to marry, and there were pretty much no red flags like ever. Always super supportive of everything i want to do, things I want to accomplish. We pretty much have the same goals.
So for the past like year ever since we moved in, Jack just kept talking about getting a dog. Once we both moved out I guess he missed his dog from his parents house, and always was looking at adopting one, showing me pictures of dogs he likes. He so obviously wanted a fudging dog.
Jacks birthday was at the beginning of july, so i thought, what the hell! lets get a dog! I've always been a cat person, but I love dogs too. I found one of the dogs that he showed me a picture of, and I got it for him. He was so excited. It was a puppy, and I knew puppies would be hard, but Jack clearly didn't.
After literally just a month of having to TRAIN A PUPPY, you know, the thing you wanted so bad, he said he didn't want it anymore and wanted an older dog (he said he wanted to give an older dog a forever-home, but i honestly think its BS because 90% of the pics he showed me were puppies).
Yes its not easy, but I really love this dog now and refused to bring it back, thats just horrible. After like 3 days of arguing, he finally said "alright fine, keep the dog i'll just move back to my parents. I'll come back once you get rid of it."
seriously?! YOU WANTED THE DOG AH! first the dog, then whats next? My whole family is telling me to get rid of the dog because they really like Jack. They are so happy for us, but I just can't imagine living the rest of my life with a man who is willing to drop me so fast over this. is not getting rid of the dog really making me an AH? I think its crazy.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
When the going gets tough, he's out of there. Keep the dog.
NTA. Keep the dog, get rid of the boyfriend.
Now you know his solution to not getting his way is to emotionally manipulate you with threats and leave you unless you bend to his demands. Luckily you found this out before marriage. Your family should be ashamed. I’m glad you love and value yourself enough to know it’s not ok.
NTA, not at all. What's he going to do if you have kids and the baby is crying? Will he expect you to get rid of that too? How about if (God forbid) you get sick and he has to take care of you?
If this is how he's going to be, moving out while throwing a temper tantrum, then the trash has taken itself out. "Pretty much like no red flags ever" means there has been a glimmer here and there that you just glossed over. There is no glossing possible here... He's showing you exactly who he is when things get tough and / or when he doesn't get his way.
NTA. Hope you give him the correct gender of baby, or it’s going back next, lol.
Keep the dog, get rid of the boyfriend. This is exactly how I ended up with my dog and while I’m really grateful for him, I still can’t forgive my friend for giving him up for her scumbag boyfriend who ended up breaking up with her again for an equally stupid reason.
He told you who he was and what he was. You're a keeper. He's not. To hell with him and with your whole family, for that matter. My wife and I adopted 10 Golden Retriever rescues, including a puppy who couldn't walk, and a whole lot of fosters we found homes for. People who think dogs are just property on the same level as a refrigerator aren't even proper human beings and need to be shown the door.
Yay! He presented the perfect solution to the problem he created. What a good boy. Pat him on the head and offer a treat. Then offer to help him move.
I'll be honest OP, a person who agrees to take on the responsibility of a pet only to change their mind and say get rid of it - and moves out to make you do it... That is not a person to have children with.
Hell, as this has proven, this is not a person to have pets with - or any other shared responsibilities that might result in them deciding they can't be bothered because things got too inconvenient. Also it's probably a bad sign that it took you both six years to move in together. You're NTA but I think you've got bigger problems than this.
ESH Pets should never be given as surprise gifts. Your boyfriend is showing his true colors which should alarm you. Instead of working to solve the issue by training the dog, he’s bailing until he gets his way. If you stay with him, this will be a pattern.
NTA - if you were planning to have kids with this man i would be extremely concerned about you/your potential future children, would he push for a baby then decide a newborn is too much and leave you with the child? either way dump the bf keep the puppy.
Why is he saying he’d move back in when you get rid of the dog- as if he’s some sort of prize?😂 NTA, OP. That dog will show you much more loyalty than Jack.
Did you discuss the age of the dog before getting the puppy or did you just go out and get one without his input? He is an AH, but if it wasn’t properly discussed, that’s a problem.
Nta. a dog is a lifetime commitment, the dog’s lifetime. The shelters are overfilled and the puppy will likely be killed if you turn it in. You can do better than a man who is willing to throw away a dog for being work.
Kids are even more work than a dog, so if you let him back into your life, he will be out the door and you and his mom will be doing all the work of his children by the time the eldest is three. He is showing you who he really is, believe him.