BF lies about best friend's 'tragic backstory' to bring him on every single date with confused GF. AITA? + UPDATE
"My boyfriend keeps letting his friend come on our dates."
Ok, how we got into this predicament in the first place, is that my boyfriend just really likes his friend (Liam) he’s like a brother to him, he saved his life once, etc. But he’s on ALL our dates.
I even brought one of my single friends on a date (so we could double) and Liam and her don’t date, so that failed. I’ve honestly asked my BF “why Liam is on our dates“ and he says that Liam is, lonely, has nobody else, and he has NO SIBLINGS or girlfriend.
But then my boyfriend kind of guilts me because (I know this sounds awful) Liam is the freaking poster boy for guilt! His Mom died when he was young, then his Dad and him don’t talk anymore, so Liam just doesn’t have anyone else to talk to.
I honestly think my boyfriend is guilt tripping me, and I don’t think I can do this relationship anymore. If nothing changes I’m leaving, this has gone on for 3 months. Like, sure, I feel bad For Liam, but I don’t really know him, and its not my problem. its also not just dates, movie nights, he's here. Going to the mall, hes there, where is he not.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
It’s OK to break up. You didn’t sign up to be the third wheel in your own relationship. He can spend as much time with Liam as he wants as a single dude.
Its okay to break up with your boyfriend about this.
Him being lonely is not a reason to bring him on a romantic date. He needs to make friends.
Bow out. We all know he already has a shoulder to cry on!
Girl I can't believe you've lasted 3 months with this. Go find a nice young man who wants to take you on a date without his homeboy sitting there being an awkward 3rd wheel at all times.
Sounds like you're the third wheel, are you sure they're not dating and you're coming along for the ride?
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
I broke up with my ex (I’m gonna call him Xavier) I went to where we agreed to meet up, and guess who he brought with him…you guessed it LIAM! I was very annoyed at this point, I told him I wanted to speak with him privately, and he brings freaking Liam.
It’s very uncomfortable to break up with someone in front of their best friend, but I was too pissed, I told him “I said I wanted to speak privately“ he said “Say it in front of Liam!” Eventually I just get annoyed and say “Thats it! I don’t want Liam always here in our private life, on dates, everywhere.“
He basically said, remember what I told you about Liams circumstance, blah blah blah. I said something like, “I’m sorry, but I don’t give a darn about what Liam is going through right now, this is about me breaking up with you.”
Meanwhile Liam is just standing there…looking confused? I’ll get back to this later. So we basically get into a fight in this park, and it gets to the point where I tell him that he manipulates me into not kicking Liam out of our dates, and about everything he told me Liam went through (like a brother to Xavier, saved Xavier's life, dead mom, dad absent, no siblings, friends, or girlfriend.)
And then Xavier looks like he got caught or something, and Liam gets angry saying like, “What did you tell her?” this is all really funny and really awful at the same time. It turns out…NONE OF WHAT XAVIER TOLD ME WAS TRUE.
Liam has a fiancée, has a REAL brother and sister, and his mom isn’t dead! So, anyway, definitely broke up with Xavier. Like, 40 minutes later, Liam DMs me basically saying that Xavier told Liam that I wasn't ”comfortable“ being alone with Xavier, and that he thought I wanted him to be on the dates.
Sir, what? He said the reason why he agreed is because his fiancée is living in Europe to finish up her study abroad program, and he had nothing better to do. So Xavier just flat out is a liar, glad I broke up with him. I'm mad I got lied to, but oh well. This was honestly not a turn of events I was expecting, and I have to get it out somewhere.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
..but why? Was this a sneaky way of going out on dates with Liam without asking him?
What was his end game? Why?
But why? Unless the ex is actually interested in the friend, what is the end goal here? I also didn't see how long they had been dating, but I would have to say after the second date of this, I'd be out.
I think Xavier is in love with Liam and trying to make him jealous by having a gf. He sounded like he never liked OP. Baffling but I’m guessing he’s obsessed with his friend.
Wait. So Liam didn’t ever stop to wonder why OP was going on dates with Xavier at all, if she supposedly wasn’t comfortable being alone with him? I mean, maybe it just didn’t occur to him.
But if I wasn’t comfortable being alone with someone, I sure as hell wouldn’t other dating them at all, let alone for 3 months. Xavier is a total dirt bag though. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
She’s never asked Liam any questions on these dates, even to be polite. What do you do? How are you? Have any holiday plans? Liam didn’t talk to the friend while they were “double dating” that he had a gf abroad? So weird… too weird… it doesn’t make sense.
Just to sidestep the core issue here, can we just agree that: You don't need permission to break up! You don't even need a good reason. You can break up because you're just not feeling it anymore.
You can break up because every time you see your partner you think of bananas, and you don't like bananas. It doesn't have to pass anyone else's approval/sanity check. Seriously.