'AITA? My boyfriend has prohibited me from saying a certain word and gets angry at me when I accidentally say it.' UPDATED
"AITA? My boyfriend has prohibited me from saying a certain word and gets angry at me when I accidentally say it."
My boyfriend does not like it when I use "wtf" while we are texting or chatting online. "Wtf" is something that I have been using since I was 13 and honestly it's a hard habit to break, it is like asking someone to stop typing "lol" or "lmao".
I know he doesn't like "wtf" because it has the swear word in it and he has told me that it sounds very rude to him. I am confused why I am not allowed to use "wtf" because he swears a lot while we are together.
I told him that he uses the swear word too and his response was "so it's my fault?". I can sort of see how "wtf" can sound rude to people and I honestly have been trying my best to stop using it but today it just slipped because I was shocked by something. Can someone help me understand his perspective? AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
wtf is his deal?
Run far far away from this controlling, hypocrite. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard especially since he uses the F word. "So it's my fault?" Um, yes...it's all your fault. He's the one with the problem. Please, dear God, tell this dude to gtf over it. No one should tell you what words you can or can't use...while using them himself. What other things does he nitpic you on?
Edit: no should tell you what words you can or can't use...ever. Especially if they say the word themselves. It should never be done- period. The fact that he uses it just makes him even douchier.
Is he controlling about other things too? How long have you been together?
redditgirl125 (OP)
no not really, been together for 2 months.
Ok so this is just the barely getting to know you phase. He is showing you that there are different rules that apply to you than there are that apply to him - and that HE gets to decide what the rules that apply to you are. And the "so it's my fault" is just so nonsensical that I honestly think he needs to see a doctor.
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
I talked to my boyfriend after the incident and this is how it basically went down: (A = ME, BF = him)
A: Are you still upset with me?
BF: No, I don't care anymore. You don't have to change yourself for me, but just to let you know I am not attracted to girls that say "wtf" often.
A: Is it just the acronym wtf or is it the f word too?
BF: Both
A: Okay noted! Will you stop swearing as well?
BF: ... ok. I really don't like your attitude. Every time I bring up an issue you say "can you do ___ as well?". Saying "okay noted" was good enough. Let's not talk for awhile, message me next week.
A: okay
I wanted to bring up issues such as why he feels he can swear but I cannot but as you can see, I didn't even get to talk much as he is refusing to talk to me until next week.
Right now, I do not mind as I have a lot going on my plate right now and I don't want to deal with anything until my stuff gets sorted out but I am appalled by his behavior. I do not believe I displayed a "bad attitude". I simply asked if he is going to do the same because he swears as well. Am I missing something here? AITA? Did I really display bad attitude?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
He sounds really manipulative. It seems like he gets to call all the shots and not live by equitable rules - it's cool if he doesn't like swearing but he does it too...so...different rules for you? Why? Oh you can't talk about it? Honestly, I'd cut my losses. Life is too short to be with someone who is unable to have a conversation about issues.
You should have replied "wtf". Seriously though the fact that he complained about your attitude just for making a fair point says a lot about him. He sounds manipulative to me and you should not message him next week.
He's basically complaining that you are asking that he be held to the same standard as you are. In your mind, you're equals. It's clear that in his mind, you're not. Honestly, I think you need to take a good long look as to whether you should continue a relationship with this guy. He sounds manipulative and controlling.
The next day, the OP returned with their final update.
So it didn't take me long to decide that I am done with this guy but I did leave my clothes in his car so I wanted it back. Unfortunately he is out of the country on a business trip for 2 weeks or so and he left his car at a friend's house who happens to live in my neighbourhood.
Since he explicitly told me not to contact him for a week, I was going to take the advice of people here and just never talk to him again, get my stuff quietly and tell him that it is over.
I contacted his friend and asked him if I can come to his house and pick it up so that it will be of no inconvenience to him. His friend then OFFERED to come to my place and drop it off.
An hour or so later, I get a call from my now ex boyfriend (thank god) who is flipping out, saying I am bothering his friend and asking why I am so desperate to get my stuff back and at this point I think he is absolutely crazy because his friend is the one that offered to come to my place after I insisted TWICE that I pick it up whenever it is convenient for him.
He then rambles about how my clothes are probably only worth $20 and then offers me $100 instead of giving me my stuff back (wtf?) and I tell him that I do not want his dirty money.
I tell him he is controlling and manipulative and he tells me that he is "dropping" me, not knowing I already did that a while ago. He then blocked me. So yeah, I am not getting my stuff back.
An hour later, he calls me again and says that he does not want to burn bridges. He then talks about how I will be successful in life, talks about all the good traits that I have and then tells me that he hopes I will not talk bad about him to anyone he knows (he cares a lot about his image).
He told me that he is shocked that I called him manipulative and controlling as he has never heard those words from anyone before and he does not believe he is. He then said "if I am manipulative and controlling why do I have so many rich and successful friends?"
After that he tells me that I am immature and he is much more experienced in relationships because he has dated more girls than I have dated guys (he has dated six, I have dated four). He keeps rambling on about how our city is small and he is well known so he needs to keep his reputation up but he called me to make me feel better.
He told me that if I were to tell the whole world about this situation everyone would agree with him, I laughed because I literally did ask “the world” (the world being reddit) and practically no one sided with him. I wanted to send him the link but he blocked me on everything.
He did apologize for being manipulative, controlling and possessive which really surprised me but he said it in an annoying tone that did not sound sincere but hey, at least I got some sort of apology.
He then tells me that he completely moved on from the whole “wtf” incident a long time ago but he wanted to reinforce how bad it was so that I never do it again, he said if he didn’t act mad then I might think its okay and will do it again.
This made me feel like he was treating me like a dog that needs to be trained and conditioned to do certain things. I can obviously see that this whole phone call was another manipulation attempt to keep my mouth shut and to not spread rumours about him (which I wasn’t going to do anyway).
So I get mad and call him delusional and he calls me crazy and hangs up. Maybe I could have dealt with it more maturely and didn’t let my anger get to me but I can only take so much and I don’t regret it.
In good news, I feel happy and free, I look forward to finding someone that is the right man for me instead of being with someone that is malicious. Thank you to everyone that responded and took the time to read all updates :)
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
The first time I've cheered seeing someone use "wtf" in an update. And also just...wtf, this man sounds exhausting, OP's right about the clothes being a small price to pay to get away!
I mean I don’t like it when I talk to people who swear in almost every sentence of theirs but that’s because I myself don’t swear much in the first place (except after reading this post) but will I ever have the audacity to ask someone to change their vocab because it’s not of my liking??? hell no.
He was not on a business trip.
Why did he want her clothes?
I would have very publicly shared about his behavior.
Everywhere I could, too, at that. The texts, the reddit post, all of it. Someone that image obsessed, with "so many rich friends"? It wouldn't even necessarily have to count as a type of vengeance. You could straight up just say that doing this would be the best form of justice.