'My boyfriend quit/got fired from his job when I’m 35 weeks pregnant. AITA?'
"My boyfriend quit/got fired from his job when I’m 35 weeks pregnant. AITA?"
Am I just being unsupportive or do I have a reason to be angry? I (F26) am about ready to leave my boyfriend (M23) after the selfish decisions he has made for his family. Up until a week ago he was working a construction job making pretty good money. I am working as a server. Neither one of us get mat/pat leave so we have been saving for when the baby gets here.
Throughout the past couple of months, my boyfriend has expressed that he does not like his boss and a certain coworker, and that they do not get along. He has said that he wants to quit because it is taking a strain on his mental health.
I told him that is an awful situation to be in and that I understand how working at a job that drains you can feel. I told him financially, it would make the most sense if he could stick it out working there until the baby comes, but if he couldn’t, then to please please please find a new job before he quits because we can’t afford things financially without him having a job.
After this conversation, my boyfriend did not put in any applications, and continued to work there, so at that point, I thought he just decided to stick it out until the baby was born.
Flash forward to a week and a half ago—days before Christmas and a month before my due date. I get a text from my boyfriend saying that he was coming home. It was very early on in the day so of course I was confused and gave him a call.
The rundown is that he got into a fight with the coworker he doesn’t like, they were fighting about who was wasting company time, it all came to a head and then my boyfriend gave his boss an ultimatum and told him that he either fired his coworker or him.
He then left 6 hours early, leaving his boss in a bad situation because there was still a lot of work to do on the house they were in—the coworker that my boyfriend does not like stayed and worked.
I told my boyfriend to go ahead and come home but reminded him that we were having a baby soon and that we can not afford to dip into savings until our baby comes. I begged him to try to keep the peace until he at least found another job.
The day that the blowup happened was a Friday. The whole weekend I was asking him if he had lost his job or if he could go back, or what the situation was because, frankly I was freaked out and stressing.
My boyfriend said he didn’t know and refused to ask his boss about it, he said his boss needed to message him first. Finally on that Sunday, I begged him enough to get an answer from his boss and—sure enough he was fired.
Immediately, I started bawling. I’m 35 weeks pregnant, my employer has already been cutting my hours, and the physical strain of being a server is definitely taking a toll on me this far along. I never expected to have to work until I literally gave birth. My boyfriend hugged me and said it would be okay and he would find a job within a week.
It’s now been a week and a half and he hasn’t even had one interview. I knew this would happen because he only ever things that the best case scenario will happen, even though time and time again, the world proves him wrong. I am much more realistic with things which is why I begged him and begged him to find a new job before he quits—which he was incapable of doing.
Now we’re living off my server paycheck which is just barely enough to scrape by. We did some budgeting yesterday to see how screwed we were (pretty screwed btw) and this man made the comment “honestly, it’s not that bad. With you working we can scrape by. I might not even have to get a new job before the baby is born.”
This sent me into a blind rage. The selfishness of him to think that he shouldn’t have to work and that we can just rely on me when I’m not making enough to pay all of our bills—not to mention the fact that emergencies come up.
The fact that he thinks it’s okay that I’m the only one working when it puts such a strain on my body and am so heavily pregnant. While he sits at home and plays video games. It’s the most selfish thing he’s ever said and it really put into perspective the man I’m having a baby with.
I’m so stressed right now and I understand that the job he had was putting a strain on his mental health, but he never put into consideration what quitting/getting fired from his job would do to my mental health. It goes both ways at the end of the day. At this point I just feel stuck, and defeated.
We got into a big fight after he made this comment and he told me that he was sick of me guilt tripping him for the decision he made with his job. I told him I was sick of him making decisions for the whole family without consulting me first and that I was disgusted by his selfishness.
He thinks I’m an unsupportive partner, and I’m really not trying to be. I’m trying to work this all out the best I can but it’s so hard when things seem so bleak. AITA?
ETA: He has been doing some side construction work but at this point has only made 100 dollars in the week and a half he’s been fired so it’s obviously not enough to make do.
He seems to think that he can live off the gig work and not get another job because again—he only thinks of the best case scenarios. He has been applying for jobs but I don’t know how many a day.
He still hasn’t had a single interview. I’ve been begging him to apply for fast food because most of them are desperate and will hire people pretty quickly. Even if he only works there until the baby comes, that should be enough to make ends meets. He says he will apply for fast food jobs, but still hasn’t. He’s been trying to get new jobs, I’m just not sure how hard he’s actually trying.
ETA: also own a car together soooo that was me being a really smart cookie. We’re both on the title and he’s not financially responsible so it seems that if I do leave this relationship I will be on the hook for the rest of the loan and who knows if I will even get the car. He may be driving it around town and I might be paying for it…
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Boyfriend sounds like a combative know-it-all who the boss was probably thrilled to let go. He's immature. Sorry that all of this is coming to a head when you are 35 weeks pregnant.
Can you imagine giving your boss an ultimatum, walking off the job (while other coworker stayed) and then expecting the boss to apologize/call first?? Is BF a teenager?? Because that's some 'I'm 16 and know everything" energy.
madscoolio (OP)
That’s exactly what my thought process was. He had to have known that the ultimatum was going to end up with him getting fired. And if not—then he’s delusional.
Why are you putting up w this? Your pregnant he doesn’t care your working up delivery. Instead of getting out there and hustling he is gonna sit back and let you handle it? That’s crazy you see his true colors he doesn’t care about you. Cut your losses and leave him.
NTA. That seems like an incredibly unsupportive and selfish thing for him to have done and I would be furious if that was me. Honestly it sounds like he might have deliberately blown things up at work because he’s not ready for the responsibility of fatherhood.
He’s forcing your hand, so that you might have to move back in with family. You will need time off for the baby and he is leaving your family unit with no income at a time when you will have a lot of additional expenses and won’t be able to work. I really hope you have a good support system outside of him?