“Pregnant woman’s plan for C-section met with boyfriend’s refusal, saying it will 'ruin her body.' AITA? + UPDATE
"Boyfriend refused the C section."
ElizaNite_
This post is about friends’ of mine, I am stuck in between and would like outsiders opinion as I am being extremely careful with this situation. Ladies that did give birth, your opinion matters most.
Let’s call them Kate (30F) and Ben (29M), are really close friends of mine. I love them both dearly, and now stuck in awkward situation. Kate and Ben are expecting their first baby in one month.
Two months ago Kate announced to Ben she wants to book a C section because 1. baby is oversized 2. Kate’s mom is willing to cover the whole procedure with private care, and doesn’t want her to go through the pains of giving birth 3. She is scared due to the stories her new mom's friend told her about their experience at a public hospital.
Ben is very against the C section. He insists that 1. it will ruin her body 2. she will no longer be able to give birth naturally 3. the recovery time from the surgery is worse than natural birth. However, of course if the surgery is necessary on the day, there will be no argument again that.
Kate insists on the surgery, saying that she will most likely end up in hours of pain, and then end up with the C section anyway. What’s the point of suffering, if a C section is an option, and it will be covered financially. Ben keeps refusing.
Personally, I try to be as natural as possible. But this has been an ongoing argument and I am running out of things to say to both of them. It’s getting more heated because she has a few weeks to book the C section. Please give me your advice / experience / arguments on this matter.
Later that day, the OP provided an update.
ElizaNite_
Thank you all very much! I think I will be just forwarding this to Kate and Ben. As a side note, Ben is very traditional, his mother gave birth to 3 children naturally, and I am guessing he is basing his thoughts on what he knows and how he was raised.
I apologize for incorrectly writing the part of “ruining her body” as a body shaming part. It is what he says. But I am sure he is concerned about what a C section would do to her insides, not what it necessarily would be like on the outside.
Good question about what doctors recommend. Natural birth is a green light, baby is great and healthy, mother is as well. There was no push for the surgery from the medical side, this C section is mostly her desire. Regardless, thank you everyone.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
fuzzy_mic
Ben doesn't get a vote. Neither does Kate's mom . Neither do you.
Mother and doctor are the only two votes that count.
wonkiefaeriekitty5
Ben will get a vote when he grows a uterus and gets pregnant!
Dolphinsunset1007
That’s what I said to my husband when he tried to say I’d be trying a natural birth first no matter what. I said I’ll be doing whatever is medically recommended and whatever I can handle. You can give birth however you want when you’re pregnant.
SamuelVimesTrained
What do specialists recommend? Wouldn’t their advice, plus the wish of the one giving birth be the leading thing here?
CJefferyF
Dude if they bring up c-section it’s probably gonna happen. My mom had 2. I’m the adoptive 3rd because she has her tubes tied after that.
Early-Pie6440
A C-section is by no means easy or painless but it is 100% her and her doctor’s choice, Ben can only offer advice which he did but that’s the end of it. Thinking he can forbid it is ridiculous. Ben can decide how HE wants to give birth when HE is pregnant.
Plenty-Maybe-9817
I’ve had 3 c-sections. Ben is right about concern for recovery time. It’s longer and harder than a smooth natural birth. Which is not guaranteed. Our abdominal wall is literally sliced through so it does damage a major muscle group and in some cases the damage could require surgery to repair, could leave excess scar tissue etc.
I personally experienced permanent nerve damage to the area and am numb all around my scars. For many women lower abdomen is a very erogenous zone so this could cause loss of pleasure. Statistically it does reduce her chance of natural birth in the future but it’s not certain.
But-Having labored for 48 hours trying to birth a 9 1/2 lb baby only to have a c-section. I would go back and do a planned cesarean in a heartbeat. Birthing any baby is incredibly hard, but a huge baby is a big risk for lots of other difficulties. A different body is not a RUINED body.
RevolutionaryDiet686
Having gone through both types of delivery with my children there are many differences. Recovery and pain levels are something she can talk with her doctor about. He does not really get to decide. Neither will ruin her body.
VengefulShade66745
Ben is really committed to the 'natural' experience! Maybe he thinks Kate should just channel her inner cavewoman and start a fire while she's at it? 😂 But seriously, it's her body, her choice! Besides, I hear C sections come with a complimentary 'I survived childbirth' T-shirt!