'My boyfriend told me my service dog can't move in with me. AITA?' UPDATED + PICS
My boyfriend told me my service dog can't move in with me. AITA?
My boyfriend (M24) and I (F22) have been together for a couple years, and we have recently decided to move in together due to some financial reasons. He has met my dog multiple times and never brought this up to me before.
I feel awful and I can't leave my dog behind, especially because my parents have told me they have no interest in watching over another animal. How do I fix this? Is this a bad choice?
screenshots of text messages
(BF is in black bubbles on the left, OP is in blue bubbles on the right.)
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
While I'm also not certain of OP is using the distinction between a service animal and an emotional support animal correctly, I don't think it really matters in this case. Even if it's just a beloved pet, he waited to spring this on her until, apparently, the day she was moving in.
That's real messed up. Presumably she has nowhere else to go at this point and he's forcing her between choosing homelessness(?) And her animal? F this guy.
If I'm dating someone who lives with a pet, I'm going to assume they come as a package. Trying to force someone to abandon it pet is garbage behavior whether it's a service animal, an emotional support animal or just an animal buddy. This is controlling and isolating and looks like an opening for abuse.
I'm seeing a lot of people on here saying "negotiate it out", but this man's lack of compassion actually scares me! sure your dog is a service animal but you're her family! you cannot just leave her behind and "swap her for something smaller" it's not a damn object you still have the receipt for wtf?????
OP, there's unfortunately a few posts i have seen around the last few years, where people who were in similar situations for one reason or another (i.e. partner didn't want their pet around) have ended up without their pet DUE to their partner without a say in it. just came home one day and their partner had taken said pet to a shelter, or gave it away, or just drove it and left it in the middle of nowhere.
PLEASE let these be a lesson to us all that people like that will go to insane lengths just to get their way. this is a crazy request that's come out of nowhere, and if he's capable of so easily doing that i bet he's capable of so much more with 0 compassion or regard for what you need & want.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
My dog, Millie, is a TRAINED service animal. I have chronic pain due to severe nerve damage and my parents got her for me when I was a teenager. I did not pay thousands of dollars to get her trained, my parents did.
The reason I even mentioned my parents looking after her was purely because I assumed some people would maybe mention it. I would not be able to navigate things without my dog, I wouldn't consider leaving her anywhere. Not only would it break my heart, but I have her for a reason.
I have also seen people commenting that it's not believable that he has only met her a couple times. We do not live close together. He lives in a different state, we met in high school and he moved away soon after we began dating.
He has only met her a few times because whenever we do see each other, she is beside me at all times. I've made multiple trips down with my mom to move my things, he never mentioned it to me once.
I am heartbroken over this. I am young and very upset that the boy I've been with has switched on not only me, but my best friend too. I am talking to him today and I will continue to update.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Idk why you’re acting like this is a choice. You need to talk to him? For what?? He already showed you his true colors. He’s manipulative and a will forever be that way. He specially waited for you to move your things down to spring this on you because he thinks you’re gonna be weak enough to fold on the decision.
It doesn't matter if your dog is a certified service dog, an ESA or a pet. To me, my dogs are family members and if my boyfriend or anyone else forced me to choose between him and my family member or leave a family member behind, that person would get their ass kicked out of my life.
What do you want with a person like that? You should quickly realize what a messed up character your boyfriend has and cut him out of your life. You can't trust someone like that. What do you think he does when he's alone with your dog? Take revenge for the fact that he doesn't like him but "has" to put up with him? Dump him somewhere? Poison him?
Even if you talk today and he agrees to you moving in with your dog as I said, you can't trust him with your dog anymore. Believe me when I tell you that someone who calls your dog "disgusting" is not someone you want to leave your dog alone with.
If you do this anyway and something happens to your dog, you are responsible and will probably never be able to forgive yourself. For heaven's sake, don't move in with him! That won't work. Grab your dog and run and don't let him manipulate you…
This isn't complicated at all. If you depend on your service dog and your boyfriend insists that it can’t move in with both of you, it indicates a lack of compatibility. If he truly loves you, this shouldn’t even be an issue.
Your dog has been by your side for years, providing companionship and emotional support. That bond is unbreakable because your dog is part of your family. For him to dismiss that, is him dismissing your emotions, and most importantly your well being.
Just three hours later, the OP returned with their final update.
Final update for now. I saw the replies that people were giving, mentioning that him saying those things over text was absurd and I agree. I called and told him that I was absolutely shocked by the "bad news" and I physically cannot leave my dog. Nor would I consider it even if I could.
He said that if we get her regularly groomed, we could work it out. I said no. I don't want to live in a home where my dog is not loved as a best friend, but just treated like an animal.
She has supported me so much and I would rather dump men than ever give her up to satisfy one. My mom and I are going to pick up my things sometime this week (hopefully). I will update if necessary, but I really just want this to be over now. 🥲
For people who have messaged or commented asking to see her just out of curiosity, YES!! She's my baby and I love showing her off lol. Before anybody makes assumptions, I know Carolina dogs are controversial when it comes to being service dogs.
Millie is not a reactive dog, she's very relaxed and supports me very well. She always has. She's very intelligent and not aggressive at all. Thank you to everyone who has helped me, I wanted to hear some outside perspective. 💗
Don't worry, OF COURSE we wouldn't leave you without sharing a picture for this sweet pup!
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
She's gorgeous! My beloved Carolina Dog passed from cancer at age 13 in 2023 and I still miss her every day. They're a great breed, quirks and all.
"You're welcome to move in, but you can't bring your eyeglasses with you."
"You're welcome to move in, but you have to leave your wheelchair behind."
"You're welcome to move in, but not your trained service dog."
Good riddance to the ex.
yep. also, isn’t it funny how he waited until she’d signed a lease and moved stuff in and then all of a sudden the dog can’t live in “his house”?
what a creep.
Millie is such a beautiful dog!
But good lord, some of the comments on those posts are baffling. Clearly they don't understand what a service dog is.
I have a feeling he only told her this now because she was already partially moved in, so he thought she would maybe leave her service dog... IN ANOTHER STATE. That's crazy.
On bigger news, the dog is cute and has the same type of hair my dog has. Yeah. I believe when he said she sheds a lot, but "disgusting"? Get stuffed.