My boyfriend gets three weeks of vacation per year. He took a week over the summer, has a week-long ski trip with his family planned in February, and then his third week is this week.
For months, he’s talked about planning a trip for just us. His parents (with whom I don’t see eye-to-eye) asked him to come home for a few days to spend time with them.
So my boyfriend talked about splitting the week between a trip with me and a few days at home with his parents. But then last week, he announced that the most convenient dates for his parents would be Sunday-Saturday... aka, the entire week. And that’s the flight he booked.
He reassured me that he and I would still have two full days together (the Saturday before his flight and the Sunday after.) But now I’m sitting alone in our apartment during a week when I thought that I’d be traveling with my boyfriend and I’m so hurt that I’m in tears. I don’t know if I’m being petty or if this is a genuine thing to be upset over.
My boyfriend has tried to suggest that we take a long weekend together over the holidays to make up for this week, but that just feels like a consolation prize. I don’t know what to do or how to feel right now. I feel abandoned, but then I feel like a brat for feeling that way. Idk, any advice??
A week-long trip together turned into 2 single days in which he's prepping for a trip without you and then has one day back before going to work. So instead of a vacation together, you're getting less than any random weekend's worth of time with him. You feel abandoned because he abandoned you.
Also, he wants to "make up for" abandoning you by...promising to do the same thing he had already promised to do. That's not making up for anything. That's a delayed replacement trip, but does nothing to make up for abandoning you in the first place.
Edit: Oh wow, I see in the comments that this trip was supposed to be making up for forgetting your birthday, months ago? What an AH.
This isn’t petty. He said the week was for you. Then he said the week was half for you. Now you get two weekend days? Nice vacation. This is worth being hurt and worth telling him that if this happens again, you won’t be around at the end of the week.
Does your vacation time also line up with his? Was there a solid plan or just “let’s go somewhere?” Did y’all discuss a budget for a trip?
pineappleprincesspie (OP)
I work remotely, so I can travel at any time. We’d talked about ideas, but he said that he’d plan something (as a pseudo-surprise.) As for budget, he said that he would take care of everything as a way to make up for forgetting my birthday a few months ago. So tbh, the suggested long weekend over the holidays is essentially a make up for the make up.
He forgot your birthday, said he'd plan a surprise trip for this week to make up for it, and his "surprise" trip was that he was ditching you to spend the whole week with his family who don't like you? I honestly would call and let him know you'll be gone by the time he gets back then go find someone who not only makes you a priority but also keeps their word.
First of all, thank you to everyone who commented and gave advice on my previous two posts!! I cannot thank you enough!!
Here’s the update:
My boyfriend is visiting his parents for his week off right now, despite having promised to at least split the week and plan a trip for just us. I brought up how hurt this made me and how I’d like to find a solution, and he initially suggested (on his own without any suggestion from me) that he fly home mid-week and we go to the place of my choosing.
He gave a few options, and attending a home football game at my collegiate alma mater had me sold! So I got totally stoked for this weekend... except that he never actually bought tickets nor booked flights. When I asked him about it, he reiterated that he’d be back from visiting his parents this weekend. I was so confused!
So I tried talking to him again, and he told me about the many conversations he’s had with his parents about me this week while he’s been with them. I made my boyfriend a scrapbook for his birthday and reached out to his sister for childhood photos, which his mom saw as “an ulterior motive to infiltrate the family and steal personal pictures and information.”
Then his dad announced that he will never again be in the same room as me. His parents have this insane, irrational hatred of me... which his dad FINALLY admitted this week is because I’m not Jewish, I’m from a southern state, and I’m registered as a political independent instead of “having the patriotism to choose a party and stand by it.” WTF?!?!
So that was all absurd and crazy, which I thought that my boyfriend would recognize as completely on his parents’... but then this morning he had the nerve to ask me, “If we stay together, will you seriously be okay not having in-laws and making me choose between spending vacation with my family or spending it with my partner?
Do you think that’s fair to me?” OH HELLLLL NOOOO!!! Needless to say, that was the tipping point for me. I told him to get back to me once he’s grown up and become his own person.
Thank goodness you broke up. The more you can avoid crazy in your life the better.
I'm glad she didn't get stuck with him through lockdown.
The true details are always revealed in the comments. I'm sad that OP wrote out how he forgot her birthday, promised a surprise trip to make up for it only to ditch her, and all of it didn't sink in until he broke ANOTHER promise and started talking hypothetically about their relationship...
Sometimes, you really have to be hit over the head before you realize that you are not a priority. Glad OP finally got there.
I hope this lady is the one on the lease/owned the place they were living. I skimmed back and I might have missed something. Yeeesh. What a charming family.