'My boyfriend’s mom bought a wedding dress and keeps calling herself 'Mother of the Groom'… we’re not engaged.'
"My boyfriend’s mom bought a wedding dress and keeps calling herself 'Mother of the Groom'… we’re not engaged."
So this is going to sound fake, but I swear on my life it's real. I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for just under a year. We’re happy, no real issues aside from his very involved mother who still treats him like he’s 12.
I met her three months in. I thought she was sweet, a little intense, but nothing outrageous. Then she started showing up to our place randomly with food. Texting me if he didn’t answer fast enough. Once she asked me if I was “letting him eat enough meat.” It was weird but manageable.
Then last week, she invited me to her house for “a surprise.” I went. She was glowing. She sat me down in the living room and unzipped a huge garment bag and pulled out a wedding dress. HER wedding dress. She had it cleaned and tailored and said, “I thought this would be perfect for when you marry my son.”
I didn’t know what to say. I laughed awkwardly and said “We’re not engaged,” and she just waved her hand and said, “Oh but it’s inevitable. You’re The One. I can feel it. I’ve already started planning. We’ll do the church I married his father in.”
I told my boyfriend and he thought it was funny. Like, “Haha, that’s just mom being mom.” I told him it felt invasive and creepy, and he got defensive and told me I was overreacting and that “it’s flattering.”
I honestly don’t feel flattered. I feel like I’m being absorbed into a family cult. I’m not sure if this is a red flag or just a weird overstep, but I can’t stop thinking about it. She’s now started texting me Pinterest boards of centerpieces and cake ideas.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
If your boyfriend thinks this is “flattering”, you better take note now, because if you stay with this guy you are signing up for a lifetime of crazy and no boundaries from MIL and zero support from BF. Why would you want this? You said yourself, you feel like it is a cult. Don’t drink the Koolaid, run now!
Yeah… run.
She is crazy and he can’t see how crazy that is.
Run or you will end on justnomil or MILfromhell.
Oooh. Noooo.
RUN
If you marry him this will be your life.
If “mom being mom” is creepy and invasive, then mom herself is creepy and invasive. If you like this guy and want to stay with him, DO NOT make any commitments to spend your life with him until he can identify the oversteps as clearly as you can and has set some boundaries in place.
Otherwise this woman is going to plan your whole wedding, stand beside you mouthing the words as you say “I do”, be in the delivery room staring at your cervix while your children are born and then refuse to let you hold “her” babies. She is that level of crazy.
Their dynamic isn’t healthy and frankly if he needs therapy to see that then it’s going to be a long road for you. If he doesn’t engage with therapy, don’t engage yourself to him.
For context my partner’s mother joked when my partner was best man when his brother got married “oh, redcore, he’s got a suit now! Quick! Propose!” - but it was literally just that, a joke, and whilst i know she’d love if we married she’s also made very clear that it’s our choice and she is not bothered if it doesn’t happen. What happened to you is… not that.
Yikes and the fact that her behavior is tolerated is 🚩🚩🚩 city.
Ooof. Nope. He laughed when you expressed your feelings RED FLAG! This runs deep, she is whackado and he thinks it is cute. Can you imagine giving birth with her trying to scale the building to play catch? I can just from reading the little you shared.
Boundaries now. Shields UP! Choices and consequences time. You are your bf are miles apart on what is happening. Personally I would bail, this situation isn’t going to resolve without years of therapy and will require constant maintenance. Love should be easy, not a struggle.
From his reaction I would start planning my escape. If that’s mom being mom then you are gonna have a lot of surprises if you decide to stay. A lot of your life is already planned. Just know that this is the life you choose if you do not get out because he’s never going to be on your side if his mother is on the other side.
I mean, I'd try having a serious conversation with first your boyfriend then his mom. If your boyfriend doesn't take this as serious as it needs to be or if he gets defensive or angry, we'll, then you know what to do.
If he truly listens and take your concerns to heart and understands that boundaries are absolutely need then you both can move onto his mother. This is pretty weird and invasive behavior. I wouldn't tolerate it, honestly.