'AITA? Boyfriend’s roommate walked in on me and apparently I’m in the wrong.'
"AITA? Boyfriend’s roommate walked in on me and apparently I’m in the wrong."
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and in that time, his roommate has walked in on me while I was using the bathroom more times than I’m comfortable with. It’s always super awkward, especially for me, because I’m the one with my pants down.
Most recently, we were at their place for a small get together. The downstairs bathroom was occupied, so I went to use the one upstairs near their bedrooms. I didn’t lock the door partly because I forgot, but also because I was the only one upstairs and planned to be quick.
Of course, the door swings open and it’s him again. He sees me, immediately closes the door. I wasn’t mad I get it, these things happen. But since it’s always him and no one else (and people are constantly in and out of that house), I felt frustrated and yelled through the door, “Dude, knock!”
His response? “I’m not going to effing knock, it’s my house.”
That caught me way off guard. Like… what does that have to do with anything?
So I finish up, go downstairs, and see him already going off about it to some of the other guys and my boyfriend. I calmly bring it up again and say, “Just please knock next time,” and that really set him off. He started yelling at me about how I should just lock the door, that it’s my fault, etc.
I agreed yeah, I should’ve locked the door. That’s fair. But I also asked him to knock because it just seems like the obvious, polite thing to do. Lock + knock = problem solved, right? But apparently even suggesting he knock was enough to make him rage again. He started ranting about how I’m acting like I own the place and how I’m overreacting.
I tried to explain that I don’t think he’s being creepy or doing it on purpose, but that it feels violating to constantly be walked in on, especially by the same person. Somehow, saying it “feels violating” set both him and my boyfriend off.
They twisted it into me calling him a creep or saying he violated me on purpose. I explained over and over that wasn’t what I meant just that it’s upsetting and uncomfortable to be walked in on like that.
The worst part? My boyfriend didn’t stand up for me. He started to, briefly, but ultimately took his roommate’s side. I ended up walking away and calling a female friend who knows them all better than I do.
She agreed it was frustrating but told me I should probably just apologize to keep the peace even though I wasn’t really wrong. That made me feel even worse, like now they’ll use that against me.
I feel super alone in this and honestly kind of betrayed. All I asked for was some basic respect and understanding, and now I’m somehow the one who has to apologize? Am I overreacting here?
Edit: this has also happened at other people’s house and he’s walked in on me changing in my bf's room twice. I do lock the doors, but sometimes forget especially when we’ve all been drinking and all I can think about is pissing.
Again I wasn’t upset with him. I tried to calmly talk to him about this and come to an agreement so we can avoid this issue, he blew up and started yelling at me. In my opinion, this could have been a brief conversation where we both apologized and agreed to work on it.
But, it all just turned into him feeling the need to tell everyone about it before I was even present, which feels a bit unfair to me when it wasn’t that deep to begin with.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Do they normally close the bathroom doors when they aren't in use? Some households do, but if the door is usually left open when unoccupied... then door closed obviously means occupied. He doesn't live alone, so the default assumption is door closed = occupied. Thus, he should knock. It will never matter if it's his own home. He has roommates.
He likely felt embarrassed, and some dudes handle embarrassment by blaming other people. You're not in the wrong. I don't think you'll win the fight though, because they've all decided together that you're wrong.
Imma be unpopular, esh. Lock the damn door, thay being said. I don't care if it's his house, you knock when you see a closed bathroom door. It's basic manners. At that he's walked in on you countless times at this point, why aren't you locking to combat that as much as why hasn't he started knocking? His response imo is way overboard at that.
I think it's weird he'd get so defensive over you saying just knock. To the point where he had to go control the narrative with everyone else before you were out of the bathroom. His reaction makes me feel like he might not be knocking for creepy purposes and felt called out. So he needed to make sure everyone knew the story in case you said something to your bf.
Ummmm. It will be a cold day in hell I knock on a door in my own home. You’re completely in the wrong. You owe your boyfriend and his roommate an apology. It is their home, UPSTAIRS. Downstairs you had a leg to stand on, not up. Sorry sister.
Yes, you are over reacting.
Stop using his bathroom.
Just queue up for the common bathroom.
YTA. "I didn’t lock the door partly because I forgot, but also because I was the only one upstairs and planned to be quick." How does one partly forget? If you were the only one upstairs and planned to be quick, then you didn't forget.
Not sure why you would be comfortable enough to do this in a house that's not yours and happens to be full of people. I think I would only have that level of comfort if I was in my own house alone or at my partner's house with only them.
Girl…just lock the door? You say this has happened multiple times, so why haven’t you started locking the door? First and maybe second time I get it if you grew up in a house where bathroom door closed = occupied, but some people grew up with bathroom door is always closed because it’s “unsightly.”
So not everyone sees bathroom door closed as don’t enter. I don’t understand why you just didn’t start locking the damn door. I was close to E S H for his ranting about it but I’m going YTA, because he was probably sick of walking in on you in his own home when there is a lock. Obviously it’s more uncomfortable for you since you’re the one on the toilet, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t disturbed walking in on you.