Breadwinner refuses to give partner money and when she 'already pays for everything.' 'He takes care of household things.' AITA?

"AITA for not giving money to my partner when I (29F) already pay for everything while he (38M) takes care of the household things?"

So I (29F) am the breadwinner of this household, Im working full time as a nurse to support us through the summer. I own a business aswell, but the business doesn’t have work in the summertime.

We are aiming to work for my business together as partners starting this autumn, and Im making large investments to make it profitable for 2 people. These investments are to cost around around $50,000 total.

We had agreed that I go to work, because I make more money as a nurse than he does at his profession and he’d take on the household and caring for business related machinery and prep work for autumn at home.

We agreed that he doesn’t contribute to any household costs, I pay for everything 100% and the additional investments to create work for him aswell. These investments have included a car, other machinery, personal gear etc for him which I'm paying for.

Also all the food, outings etc I am covering 100%. As you can imagine, money is tight right now and he knows it, as I have told him the true states of our financial situation.

Now he told me he feels insecure because he doesn’t make any money and he has to ask me for things to buy (food, supplies etc). And is asking me to pay him a salary of some sort for the work he does regarding our business.

I refused this, as I pay for all the utilities and business related costs regardless. He feels this is unfair for him and I do not value his work and effort because I refuse to pay him a salary. Am I the ahole for not paying him a salary?

Later, OP edited the post to include:

I forgot to add to the Original Post more detail. My partner does not shop for food or other things at all, I do all of that aswell. I also do the cooking, cleaning, laundry and household chores. And for growing ’’my’’ business is misleading, because he’s a partner in that business. I have already bought him a car and personal gear to use.

So I wrote this post in bit of a hurry and also deliberately left out details to avoid being recognized. I have been reading your comments and I appreciate all aspects. I’ll try to open the situation a bit more because this situation seems to confuse a lot of people.

Initially my spouse quit his job because of poor working conditions and bullying, he has been unemployed for 5 months so far. I have been supporting him this whole time.

He started helping around the business stuff out of boredom when I was working in my business, and then we started planning on creating more work for the business to support us both. Initially agreed he’d invest his own money to the business and build his share that way. This didn’t happen because in the end he didn’t have the funds to invest.

Then we discussed this and agreed that because I can support us financially out of my paycheck in nursing in summertime and invest my company profits + take out a loan to invest towards creating him a partner position in the business. He agreed to help do the prep work for his share through the summer and take care of the household as compensation to my financial investments.

In the end he does not contribute to the household chores, not because I don’t let him, but because he doesn’t know what needs to be done and when. I have asked him to do things like hoover, clean etc but these things simply doesnt get done so I have taken over.

He lost his driving licence a month ago and therefore unable to do any shopping or errands himself. And before losing his license he didn’t do them, because he didn’t know what needed to be purchased and found it more convenient when I did all running errands.

During the summer the company makes 0 turnover and 0 profit. All the company funds are tied to investments and mandatory payments and other running costs through the summer.

The only income is my nursing salary at the moment. What he contributes to: household chores like emptying dishwasher, folding laundry, making snacks, taking care of our pets, doing the basic maintenance for the company, building his share for the company and prepping for his work, small building jobs for the company, fixing things.

When the company starts making money we can split everything 50-50, we have agreed to a joint personal account for household costs and left over is personal spending money once company costs are deducted.

I don’t want to paint the picture that he’s a lazy A-hole because he does contribute, and he’s trying his best. I hope this clarifies our sitation better.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

AllAboutTheQueso said:

You don't have a partner, you have a sugar baby. You need to decide how much longer you are willing to deal with this transactional kind of relationship.

Shichimi88 said:

Nta. No kids yet right? He can go find a job for his extra money.

NotCreativeAtAll16 said:

YTA. Yes, you pay for everything, but in this scenario, if he wants to go buy something, he has to talk with you. He has no financial independence here. If your genders were reversed, people would be howling that he was financially abusing you.

PandaCotton said:

I'd say YTA You don't owe him a salary, but I compare this situation to that of a SAHM/SAHD. You don't have children, but while you're working outside he's working inside and contributing in his own way. He's not lazing around.

You should give him a small amount each month so that he still feels independent and can buy his own things without having to ask you every time. I think that would be fair. After all, it suits you both that he's at home and your business wouldn't get anywhere if he wasn't.

No_Ad_770 said:

NTA, do not stay with this person. They contribute nothing financially. They contribute some household improvements, but no chores. They demand a salary.

Sounds like they have time for a salaried job. Tell them to get one. If they balk at that, you have your answer, they are a leech and you are bankrolling their lifestyle. They may one day take a portion of your gains. Protect yourself.

Haunting_Progress462 said:

NTA, boils down to he's asking for a salary while someone else, his partner in the business, is already handling every single thing you would do with a salary, if his prep work only takes a few hours he can get another part-time job for his own personal fun money, it looks kind of like you have a rhythm going with the business and you know what you're doing I would stick to that.