Heartbreak as partner of 16 years secretly gets engaged to 'toxic' ex on trip to Mexico. AITA? + UPDATE
"My (21m) partner (21f) of 4 years, known each other since kindergarten, wants to take a break from each other during winter trip, her ex (22m) is involved. How do I talk to her about this?"
My partner and I have been dating since senior year of high school which has been 4 years. However, we have known each other since kindergarten and have been very close friends for years.
We have always liked each other but as the years passed it was harder to pull the trigger on the relationship in case it failed. During 5th grade her family decided to move to Mexico and she had to study there until she returned back to the states around 7th grade.
However, when she came back she announced she had a boyfriend in Mexico. She explained to me this boyfriend was really toxic and it wasn’t going to workout anyways because of long distance.
They broke up in 9th grade and around senior year we decided to pull the trigger and start dating. We graduated and even go to the same college together. It’s been 4 years together and there haven’t been any signs of breaking up.
We talk a lot about our future and eventually starting a family. However, in December her mom and my partner decided to go back to Mexico to visit some family.
It wasn’t until the 30th of December she started talking about taking a break from each other out of nowhere. She reasoned that she wanted more time for herself and that was that. She decided we would talk about it when she came back into the states.
However, she also told me about visiting her ex’s family soon since her mom is close with them. I didn’t think much of it until she started slowly getting more distant from me. She wasn’t replying consistently and not saying good morning.
On the 4th of January I was scrolling through IG and her ex was on my recommended friends. I clicked on his story and what I saw was a picture of them really close with a love song playing. I completely felt blindsided and shocked.
It wasn’t in her character to do something like this. So I texted her and she said she would like to talk to me when she’s back. I still love her but I feel like it might be over. Would she really get back with a toxic long distance ex that fast and throw away years of a relationship?
I’m super confused and just need some advice on how to talk to her about it when she’s back. I’m just trying to prepare for the worst but I hope that isn’t the case. I still love her but I could only get the answers when she’s back. Would appreciate the advice. Thanks!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
Either you’re going to be getting the breakup speech, or the “we messed around but it meant nothing to me and I feel bad about it” speech. (Hint: they never feel bad about it).
Regardless, this is all related to her being around the ex. Consider your relationship over and be grateful she showed you who she really is. Don’t let this person waste a second more of your time.
Dude... its over. Almost all ex-BFs are labeled "toxic" - weather he is or not - it is a way she diminishes any sort of personal accountability for the failed relationship. In any event, she is *clearly* back with this guy (who the eff goes back to their middle-school "BF" anyways??) - there is no point in you dwelling on it. She is just planning on dumping you in person. Might as well cut her off now and move on with your life.
She's either going to break up with you or she’s going to tell you about her horrible mistake that confirmed how much she loves you (which is BS). What you do is simply get ahead of the game. Tell your mutual friends that she’s apparently decided to cheat.
Send them the pictures. Then you block her everywhere. Don’t take her calls. Let her come back to you having burned every bridge for her. You’re gonna be sad for a long while, but you will find someone who respects you enough not to do this crap.
Two weeks later the OP returned with an update.
Yesterday, I texted my now ex girlfriend that I was going to drop off her stuff in the morning. Keep in mind that I haven’t spoken or said anything to her after finding out through Instagram that she was hanging out with her middle school ex-boyfriend from Mexico.
They originally broke up because of long distance and that he was manipulative. I’ve known this person for 16 years and we started dated senior year of high school (4 years). We had plans of marriage in 2025 as well and made me put a promise ring on her finger before she left.
As I said in the original post that we had no signs of wanting to break up so our relationship ended out of nowhere. She gave little to no explanation but saying just wanting to take a break. We did have some discussion of wanting to stay together and working things out over text but that didn’t workout obviously once I found out about her ex.
So as I was dropping off her stuff she told me that she actually got engaged to her ex days after breaking up. I was in complete shock because it was completely out of her character to do something like that.
I understand wanting to rebound but to get engaged to an ex in another country is completely crazy. I told her how crazy that was and she took that to heart. Everyone seemingly agreed that she was crazy after I told them this.
She kicked me out and then called the cops on me. The cops had to check me for weapons because she thought I was going to hurt myself or her family. The cops also told me that she wanted to get a restraining order.
I told them about the situation and even they laughed at how stupid she was. Her sister and family also reached out to apologize to me. She has also continued to block most of our mutual friends on her social media after we split up.
I feel upset still that she threw away our 16 years for a ex but also relieved that I felt like I dodged a bullet. She is crazy and I don’t think they will last long either unless she plans to move over there or he moves here. If she were to crawl back I would simply say no.
This was also my first relationship so now I have insane trust issues. This is a true story and I wish it wasn’t real. I just need advice on how to get over this since it’s my first relationship, thanks.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
For sure, she will regret all of this in a few months (or even weeks). The good point is that none of this is your issue.
What is with these kids barely out of primary school talking like relationship counsellors?!
They've all got the internet in their pockets now, so they got grown up relationship advice shoved down their algorithm. My generation were absolutely equally as dumb, don't get me wrong, but kids these days know a weird amount of therapy speak and get up to different dumb stuff than we used to.
Realistically, anytime a partner wants or says they want take a "break" from their relationship, it's the beginning of a downfall there. OP will look back at this and realize how stupid this whole thing is and laugh at it.
That engagement happened so fast, it made me wonder if she was talking to her ex on the side this whole time.