'AITA for Breaking My Husband’s Golf Clubs after He Left Me Alone with Our Newborn Twins?'
"AITA for Breaking My Husband’s Golf Clubs after He Left Me Alone with Our Newborn Twins?"
Diligent_Pipe2625
I (28F) recently gave birth to our twin babies—a boy, Oliver, and a girl, Lily. They’re almost 9 weeks old now, and while I’m overjoyed to be a mom, I’ve never felt more physically and emotionally drained in my life.
I suffered from postpartum hemorrhage right after delivery and lost so much blood that I had to be rushed into emergency surgery. I nearly died. I was in the hospital for almost two weeks recovering. The physical recovery has been brutal, but the emotional toll is even worse and I feel like I’m drowning every single day.
My husband, Matt (32M), was helpful while I was recovering in the hospital, but once we got home, he checked out. He works a 9 to 5 job, but instead of helping when he’s home, he escapes to his "man cave" to play video games or go out with friends.
I’m left alone to care for the twins, and the exhaustion has become unbearable. I’ve been having terrible complications from the hemorrhage—constant pain, weakness, and intense anxiety.
I still can’t walk properly without getting dizzy, and breastfeeding has been a nightmare. Lily struggles to latch, which leads to bleeding nipples, and every feeding session feels like torture.
I’ve tried to ask Matt for help, but every time I do, he brushes me off. His go-to excuse is that I’m on maternity leave and "this is what moms do." He says he needs to "decompress" after work and that I should be grateful he’s working to provide for us. Meanwhile, I’m lucky if I get 30 minutes of sleep in between feedings, and I’m running on pure adrenaline at this point.
Last week, after another exhausting day with no help, I tried to talk to him about how I felt like I was drowning. His response? He asked when we were going to start having intimacy again. He said, "It’s been two months, and I’m getting frustrated."
I was speechless. My body hasn’t even fully healed from the traumatic birth, and he was acting like I was depriving him. When I tried to explain how much pain I was still in, both physically and emotionally, he rolled his eyes and said, “Other women bounce back after having babies. It’s not that hard. You’ve gotta stop using it as an excuse.”
I felt so ashamed in that moment. Like I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t recovering fast enough, wasn’t being enough for him. It’s not like I didn’t want to be intimate with him again—I missed the closeness we used to have—but I was still bleeding occasionally, and I could barely walk without wincing.
My whole body felt like it was failing me, and instead of being patient or supportive, Matt acted like I was deliberately withholding intimacy from him. He even tried to initiate once when I was barely five weeks postpartum, and I had to practically beg him to stop because it was too painful.
He got frustrated, said, "Come on, it’s been long enough," and huffed off like a teenager. Every time I tried to talk to him about how overwhelming things were, he’d steer the conversation back to when we’d be having intimacy again, like that was the only thing on his mind.
This Saturday was my breaking point. The babies had been fussy all night, and I hadn’t slept more than an hour in 48 hours. I was completely exhausted, and with my anemia still making me weak, I could barely stand, the incision from my surgery was throbbing with pain.
Matt had left early that morning for a full day of golf with his buddies, despite knowing how rough my night had been. He said he'd be back by noon, but noon came and went, and he was still out. He was golfing at a course that was only an hour away, so I figured if things got too bad, he’d come home.
Around 4 PM, I was trying to feed Oliver while Lily was crying. My hands were shaking from sheer exhaustion, and in that moment, I almost dropped Oliver. I caught him just in time, but it scared me so badly that I collapsed on the floor in tears.
I texted Matt, begging him to come home, telling him I was scared and overwhelmed. His response? “Just put them in their cribs and rest. I’ll be home later.” =“Later” turned into 9 PM, by which time I was a complete mess. I had been alone with the twins all day, with no help, no food, and no sleep.
When Matt finally walked through the door, he didn’t seem to care at all. He saw me sitting on the floor with the twins still crying and giggled. Yes, giggled. He looked down at me, smiling like it was all some kind of joke, and said, “You’re being overdramatic. You should’ve just handled it.”
I saw red. His smug, dismissive little giggle was the final straw. In a blind rage, I grabbed his beloved golf clubs—the ones he’s obsessed with—and smashed them against the floor. I broke two of them before Matt even realized what was happening. He started screaming at me, calling me "crazy" and "psycho" for breaking something "so expensive" and accusing me of "losing it."
After that, he stormed out of the house and spent the night at a friend’s place. His best friend has since been texting me, calling me a "psycho" and saying I’m "unhinged" for destroying his clubs. He told me I owe Matt a huge apology for "overreacting" and that he’s been "trying his best."
But has he? I’m here, day after day, struggling to keep it together with two newborns while still recovering from a traumatic birth. I’ve been so weak that I’ve nearly dropped my baby, and Matt hasn’t been around to help.
He works during the week, and I understand that, but every weekend he’s out golfing or with his buddies. And whenever he comes back from work he is either watching sports or playing online games. I haven’t had more than two hours of sleep at a time in weeks. I feel like I’m drowning.
I’m starting to feel like maybe I did overreact, but at the same time, I’m so angry that he doesn’t seem to care about how hard things have been for me. AITA for breaking his golf clubs?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
5uck1tup
start keeping a diary detailing these incidents, it might be something you'll need sooner than you think.
discombobulatededed
I recorded myself once after a really bad fight with my ex, talked about how I was feeling and what he’d done, how I didn’t want to go home and was just sat in my car stalling because I couldn’t face going home and seeing him.
I saved it to a private album and a few months after I left him, I re watched it, and a couple times after that when I thought I maybe made a mistake leaving. It’s a brilliant and harrowing reminder of what terrible place I was in before I ditched him.
Odd_Personality_3894
My heart breaks. OP's husband is basically worthless at home. Actually worse than worthless because he's asking about sex and shitting on her to his friends. At least as of now he's not a deadbeat or violent, but you know things suck significantly when that sentence is uttered.
PS: OP if you have a shared bank account, please consider hiring a nanny to help since you're basically a single mom and the mental health relief is worth it.
PS2: The driver is the most expensive club, OP, the one with the oversized head but surprisingly light.
Anxious_Ad2683
NTA. But, start calling people for help…your mom and his mom. He’s a steaming pile though.
Cute-Profession9983
"Maybe I'm a Psycho because I'm exhausted, starving, and bleeding out while my MIA never around deadbeat baby daddy is messing around with his jerk friends."
Individual_You_6586
OP, you are not the AH, and please change your locks. Get a nanny, a friend, a relative, anyone. Have Matt pay for it. Get bottles and formula, you need some rest from breastfeeding. It’s okay to combine the two.
Matt has NOTHING on his plate except his job and his hobbies, but he still thinks you should offer up your body for his pleasure? And he LAUGHED at you? He lacks in empathy, and your kids need to grow up in an environment where his attitude doesn’t exist. So he has to go. He is abusing you, sexually and mentally. Why should your daughter grow up to learn that this is okay?