'AITA for breaking up with my BF right after his birthday because of his mom?' UPDATED

"AITA for breaking up with my BF right after his birthday, because of his mom?"

I’ll try to be as objective as possible and give you all the important details. Buckle up and grab some snacks—this is a long one. Let’s call my friend Emily (30F), and her now ex-boyfriend, Blake (37M). They had been together for about a year, though there was a brief break in their relationship.

For context, Emily immigrated to Canada about three years ago because of the war in our home country. Blake is also an immigrant, but his family moved here when he was a teenager. Where It All Started: Everything was great… until Emily met his mom, Sarah (65F).

Blake had been living with his mom his entire life until he moved in with Emily. And, conveniently, they ended up renting an apartment in the same building as Sarah—supposedly because it was cheaper and “not too far” from her. At first, Sarah was super helpful, constantly offering Emily support and guidance as she adjusted to her new life. But soon, her “helpfulness” became way too much.

Finding a good job as a new immigrant is tough. Emily had plenty of experience back home, but in Canada, she needed time to improve her English and prepare for interviews while doing part-time gigs. Sarah kept insisting she could help Emily find a job—even offering to drive her to interviews. But the jobs she suggested? Low-paying, physically exhausting ones, not even close to Emily’s field.

Emily politely declined and explained that she was aiming for something better. Sarah didn’t take it well and continued to push. Then came the unsolicited relationship advice: • How Emily should talk to Blake. • What she shouldn’t say to him. • What foods he won’t eat (despite the fact that he loved Emily’s cooking). There was no logical reason for Sarah to be this involved, but it was getting uncomfortable.

One day, after yet another job offer push, Emily told Sarah she’d think about it, but later that evening, she sent a very polite text thanking Sarah for her support but saying she preferred to handle job searching on her own. Sarah’s response? A passive-aggressive “Well, Emily, I thought better of you.” After that, Sarah backed off. And the good news? Emily actually did land her dream job!

The Birthday From Hell. Fast forward to a few days ago—it was Blake’s birthday. He invited Emily and Sarah to a Korean BBQ dinner. Throughout the meal, every time someone made a toast, Sarah would say things like, “I wish for you to always put yourself first. The right people will adjust around you.”

And, of course, she would stare directly at Emily while saying it. Emily felt hurt but didn’t want to ruin the celebration, so she kept quiet. After dinner, Sarah invited herself over to their apartment and asked Emily to make her a cocktail. (Okay, queen…?) Then she brought up a serious issue:

Their building was replacing water pipes, and their apartment was next in line for renovations. The construction would take months, making it unlivable. Their landlord refused to compensate them, so Emily and Blake decided to break their lease and find a new place.

But then, Blake suddenly suggested they stay with Sarah for a while. I mean, it was just a couple of floors up, it would save money, and she had enough space… Right? Did I mention that Blake was paying the rent for his mom’s apartment? Despite her being a grown woman with a job? Yeah.

So, Sarah graciously agreed to let them stay, but with conditions: • Emily would cook for everyone every day. • Clean the entire apartment. • Still pay her share of expenses (which she was already doing in their current place).

Emily was stunned. Before she could even respond, Sarah doubled down: • It’s a woman’s duty to do housework. • Emily isn’t really sick (she has severe back problems that sometimes leave her unable to walk). • If Emily had accepted Sarah’s job help, they wouldn’t be in this mess. • Her career ambitions are meaningless. • All of Blake’s problems are because of Emily.

Emily snapped. She stood up and told Sarah she wasn’t going to listen to this. Then she locked herself in the bathroom and cried. Blake? Didn’t defend her. The only thing he did do was ask his mom to leave after Emily started crying. When Emily finally calmed down, she and Blake had a fight about his mother. She was so heartbroken that she started thinking, Maybe he’d be better off without me.

The next morning, she told him she wanted to break up. Blake asked if there was any way to fix things, but she said no. Now, she’s crying every day. When we met today, she told me she wants to leave the country because she can’t take the stress anymore. So, AITA?

Honestly, it kills me to see her like this. She’s young, kind, talented, and she let some self-absorbed, controlling, 65-year-old monster make her doubt herself. I offered her a place to stay if she needs it, but I also want to show her that none of this was her fault—because right now, she looks completely broken. So, is my friend the a$$hole?

What do you think? Is she the a$$hole? This is what top commenters had to say:

gobsmacked247 said:

Tell Emily to step outside into that cold Canadian air, look up to the sky, and yell Thank You!!! Thank you to the universe for allowing her to see what a relationship with her ex would be like if they got married.

Thank you to the universe for saving her from having kids with this man and his mother. Thank you to the universe for having a friend like you to be a soft place to land. And a final thank you to the universe for knowing what she doesn’t want in a relationship.

Mysterious_Book8747 said:

She did the right thing. That boy is still stuck on the tit. She absolutely was in a no win situation. Blake and mom should move back together and she should rock her new awesome job. :-) no retreating!! Just moving forward!

Ok-Many4262 said:

I can state categorically, absolutely and without reservation that Emily is not the arsehole and that she is a warrior queen: kicking that pathetic excuse for a mummy’s boy to the curb is exactly what needed to be done. Sarah is a psychopathic narcissist and Blake is her willing supply- and more than happy to recruit his gf into the cult of Sarah.

Emily, you had two options: be a doormat to the two of them or strike out on your own. I’m thrilled you picked you.

But it’s completely in line with your story: leaving a war torn country on your own, finding and obtaining a dream job in your field in not your native language and now, refusing to kowtow to a wannabe tinpot matriarch even in the face of urgent housing problems, after Sarah’s concerted efforts to undermine your confidence. Canada is lucky to have you!

Novel_Ad1943 said:

Oh my goodness, your friend is not at all TA but actually a smart woman for recognizing that ridiculous dynamic and removing herself from it. Blake is single at 37 because his mom wants to be his GF/wife TOO!

OP later shared this update:

Hey everyone, wow—I did not expect this kind of response. I’ve read every single comment, and I just want to say thank you. I also showed everything to Emily, and she was incredibly moved. She told me that your words are helping her see that she’s not at fault here and that she did the right thing.

I couldn’t reply to all the comments, but I saw a couple of recurring questions, so I want to clarify a few things: 1. How is she handling it? • Right now, she’s made the difficult decision to leave the country and go back home. She doesn’t see a future for herself here anymore and feels too emotionally drained by everything that happened.

2. Why is she still so stressed if they already broke up? • Because breakups don’t instantly erase emotions. Blake’s mom may be a nightmare, but Emily still loves him. This all happened so fast, and the wound is still fresh. Plus, they’re still living together for now while she packs her things, which obviously isn’t making things any easier.

Honestly, I really hope she finds the strength to stay, but I’ll support whatever decision she makes. I’ll keep you all updated if anything changes.